Yellow-cello

My son just turned 18 and we have not lost parental control in helping him. He just needed to sign a form allowing us to talk to doctors. As fiercely independent as he seems, he didn’t hesitate to sign. We’re paying the bills and our involvement is part of that. I hope this eases the pressure you feel!

AberdeenArms

Hi MomO! Thanks for posting and know that you're not alone.

Parenting doesn't end at 18 and you know your child wouldn't survive very long on his own without your help. He probably knows it too.

Treat him respectfully and reinforce that you want to work WITH him to accomplish what he wants to accomplish. This means he'll have to cooperate with you and you with him.

This especially goes for meaningful, significant things like medication, respecting your boundaries, etc. Unless he's working a good job that pays him well, you're probably supporting him and his marijuana use. You should leverage that if he's unwilling to do what you think is best for him.

Peerandparent

It's beenna while, but I remember reading clinical studies showing that risk of psychosis with marijuana use is significantly higher in people with ADHD. That being said, while I'd encourage him to find other things that serve the same purpose would be helpful in the long run, also point out that his marijuana use may be self-medication for his ADHD and mental health issues.

As for supporting him, encourage him to find a source of education and support. If he's planning on post-secondary education, see if there are any peer groups or formal supports. I also recommend books by Hallowell (a doctor with ADHD) like "driven to distraction". I also highly recommend "how to ADHD" on YouTube, and Rick Green (Canadian comedian) has a bunch of good stuff as well...

Also get the best education about ADHD you can yourself so you can help him effectively problem solve and reframe things for him. Also make sure he has the formal supports he needs so you can be mom more than counsellor.