My son(7) is struggling to manage his ADHD. The biggest issues we're dealing with now is the impulsivity and the non stop talking/making noises and controlling his body. It's to the point where no one will play with him at school and now a kid on the bus today put him in an arm lock because after asking my son several times to be quiet my son would not stop talking or lower his voice. His dad and I are are so frustrated and at a complete loss as to how to help him. We know he's not being bad on purpose, but this behavior has to stop. We want him to be able to function in the world and be successful and have friends but nothing we do has been successful. Nothing gets through to him. We don't know where to turn. Any advice would be appreciated.
ADHD son getting bullied: My son(7) is... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
ADHD son getting bullied
Welcome to the group.. many of us have been in your shoes before. I am not sure at what age your son was diagnosed with ADHD or what advice they had for you guys, but you are correct, he can't control himself and life/school/peer interact just get harder when he doesn't have the right tools to help him.
The best tools to help children with ADHD are: educational plan ( 504 or IEP), thearpy/behavior counseling and medication.
Many parent are afraid of giving their kids medication for fear it will change their core personality, if it is the right type, dose and timing it will help tremendously and make his/life so much better. Most medication is out of their body within 5-6 hours. We have had great success in using all three together for our son. Some maturity can also help.
Being Bullied is never accepted, if your son is unable to control himself have, you thought about driving him or hiring/asking someone to drive him until he is able to better control himself?
Some times the best solution doesn't fit our life style or wants, but may help the situation.
We are here for you any time,
Take care,
Thank you for the feedback! It was apparent from the time he was about two that something just... "wasn't right". He was diagnosed at 5 and we always told him everything along the way and kept him informed and involved. He actually decided for himself that he wanted to take medication to help, and he says it does help a lot. He's on as high of a dose as he can be right now, but on top of the ADHD he has some severe eating issues, so as you all probably already know the ADHD meds make it even harder for him to eat. We've discussed getting him into some kind of occupational and nutritional therapy but because of where we are located we couldn't find anything that was feasible for us to be able to commit to long term. We did have him in a before/after school care program for about two years but with his dad and I's schedules that made his day about 10-11 hours long, so when we got the opportunity for him to start taking the bus too and from school we jumped on it because he gets to spend so much more time at home which he desperately wanted because he can't make friends at school. We just feel lost. We're his parents and we love him unconditionally but it's difficult even for us to be around him. It feels like there just aren't any resources around us, or at least none that we know of and we don't know any other families who have children with ADHD so there's not even anyone to reach out to. Our families just insist on encouraging his behavior because they think it's "cute" but in the long run we know it's hurting him and he's struggling to maintain relationships with anyone other than his grandparents.
I am curious, are you working with a child psychiatrist? There are other options for medication, our son was on a single dose of medication and we contuined to have issues. When we started seeing a psychiatrist she was able to recommend a change field the better. There are medication for impulse control and there are medications for focus ( stimulants- Ritilin) and behavior(nonstimulants- guanfacine). It is a trial to get things lines up to work. Also really important he sleeps, many times kids with ADHD struggle with sleep. Wish you the best.
He doesn't see a Psychiatrist. His general pediatrician treats ADHD. Luckily we've got his routine to where he sleeps pretty well so that's a relief.
Our son to is on the highest dose, but adding a non stimulant made all the difference in the world. Working with a child psychiatrist, who specializes in knowing kids with ADHD made all the difference in the world. I was terrified to have him see a psychiatrist ( my own fears, clearly a child doesn't know any difference). But when we introduced the non stimulant ( yes the psychiatrist recommended it) it helped so much. It get the right medication, dose and timing it's really important to have the right doctor deal with this. We have consulted with her when he grows or we need advice on behaviors we don't normally see. Our son also has other medical conditions that we have to deal with. I know this is hard to hear but the road ahead gets harder ( so hard to hear when we think right now is more than we can handle). In middle school they have 7 teachers with a lot of juggling academics and peers.
My suggestions are made out of love and kindness becuase I have been there done that.
Good luck!
No that's very helpful actually. His pediatrician has never mentioned anything about any other kind of medication. The first one we tried worked out very well and we felt very lucky that we didn't struggle with trial and error but that may have kept us from finding something that truly works for him. We are planning on utilizing forums like this to help us not feel so alone and some parenting courses to help us do better for him but we may need to consider his meds as well. Darn it I thought that was the one thing we had down lol.
You really are ahead even if you ask to see a child psychiatrist and get their advice. Some parents have a very hard time doing anything and continue to struggle, for whatever reason ( they think it is not so bad, don't want their child labeled, etc) and then it gets really bad... they are stuck. I am sure others will speak up with similar issues and solutions.
Keep up posted so we know what you decide to do.
We were always here for you.
I don’t like bussing for that reason- no supervision, and a neuro-diverse child can be a target. I know for many it’s the only option, it’s tough.
I agree a child psychiatrist will be tons of help. Through ours we found a very good medication combo, and my son is thriving.
We added Intuniv, a non stimulant, with positive results. But there are other meds. We used to get meds from his pediatrician until things did not get stable and he admitted it was beyond his scope of expertise. We switched to a child psychiatrist.
My son is also 7 (ADHD) and has a hard time making friends, especially at school. One thing that has helped us is giving him other avenues for interacting with kids/making friends besides just school. He is in a sport (BMX racing) and has some good peer interactions there. We also belong to a church that is very welcoming to people with disabilities- he does pretty well in Sunday School with his fellow kiddos. And then we try (pre-Covid) to have play dates with our friend’s son who is his age and he’s known since birth. You might try expanding his social circles like that. If you haven’t already, definitely report to the school principal what happened on the bus. The school is required to keep your child safe so they need to work with you on the bus bullying issues.
I would second what other people have said that a child psychiatrist and also a child psychologist who specializes in children with behavioral issues will be extremely beneficial. I know you said that you don’t live near professionals like that? Thankfully Covid has changed the way doctors do business. Right now we see both of those specialists via video call. I bet you could work out an arrangement like that with providers in a city that is closest to you. They may want to have the first visit in person but after that could do video calls. My son loves his psychologist. ❤️ She is so great. If we have a new issue, we tell her about it - she gives us advice, things to work on, and then spends 1:1 time on the video call with our little guy.
Hang in there! I know how heartbreaking it can be to see your child not make friends but it will come at some point in his life. ❤️
We tried getting him involved in activities but unfortunately it just hasn't gone well for him. He's more of an artist/vide game/solo activity type versus a sports or organized activities type. It didn't even occur to me that with COVID there are so many more virtual treatment options right now! Thank you so much for bringing that up I will be looking into that for sure.!
I would try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It helps them be more mindful of their own behavior and helps them realize how it's impacting others. It's hard bc you know your kid can be so very annoying and if it drives you insane imagine how it makes other kids feel. The not being able to control it part isn't always apparent to other kids. I'd also see if he can be seated behind the bus driver. What the other kid is doing is not ok either and I'd be pissed if I were his mom, but I also kind of get being driven insane by the hyper behavior.
My son has done 2 years of OT for sensory processing disorder and we are 18 months into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and our son is night and day different. He is so much more self aware. Medication only helps so much. He needs to learn the executive function skills he is lacking in addition to the medication. He likely needs some sort of stimulation while sitting on the bus. A book to read, headphones and music, something to fidget with etc.
Adults don't even sit still anymore, we sit there in our phones......
We're also very candid with our son, he is 6 1/2. We will gently say, the behavior you are doing would be considered annoying by friends, let's figure out a different way to fidget etc. I feel like it's vital that these kids can take constructive criticism with ease bc they're going to get a lot of it in life. I have ADHD too and the self esteem issue can be helped by teaching them to accept criticism, process it, and implement change. They also need to know their limitations. If it's something they truly cannot change then we discuss it further. These are life skills that are invaluable, trust me.
I agree! I am upset with that kid for putting his hands on my son, but at the same time, I kind of get it. He gets so upset that other kids won't play with him or outright ignore him and we try really hard to explain to him that it's the fidgeting, the loud noises, the non stop talking. It makes it hard for people to want to play with him. He just doesn't get it. The behavior never changes. He is SO overly sensitive. For example I went in his room this morning and he was staring off into space almost in tears because earlier in the morning he couldn't find his stuffed animal. He had already found it, it was over. But he was still disproportionately upset. It's the same when kids ignore him at school. It bothers him so deeply and for so long He just can't let it go. He is 7 and he still talks about kids that were mean to him in Pre-school when he was 3.
Mine was doing these same things. That dwelling is part of ADHD. Even as an adult, I still do that. I will replay something impulsive I said or even interrupting someone, over and over in my head and beat myself about it.
I'd definitely try CBT. We also did about 6 months of social skills classes which were wonderful. It was mostly ADHD and ASD boys in the classes. He got lots of practice and he made some friends who are more like him. The funny thing is, some ADHD kids really annoy him by doing the same behaviors he does. We use that as an example of, that's what we mean when we say you're doing such and such.
Maybe you could ask his teacher if there is anyone in the class he is close to or who is on the same level as him.... Code word for also has ADHD.....and you could connect with the mom.
Our lives were miserable before we both had understanding friends. My son cannot play with my best friends son with ASD, they are fire and ice, but she and I are still able to vent to each other and our younger sons play together.
We haven't done medication yet but I'd agree with others that something else may work better. I have a friend who's son is on guafacine and focalin. It sound like your son is still struggling even with the meds so I'd find a psychiatrist who does CBT.
Hello, I came across this post and I'm wondering if you could please give an update as to how your son is doing now, 3 years on? From reading all of this, he sounds very much like my little guy with ADHD who's 7 now and definitely comes across as annoying to his peers ( he's also on medication). Hope all is going well 
It took me a minute to even remember my log in to get back into this site 🤣 He is 10 now and we have an IEP in place. It has gotten much better. As he's getting older he's understanding better how his actions affect those around him. Hang in there, it will get better!
Oh wow! So happy to hear that. Were there any changes to his medication? My son is on Adderall and it's helped him incredibly in the classroom with being able to focus, pay attention, and sit still / finish the task at hand. It also does help him have some sort of filter when he speaks, but as you said.. with getting older and more self aware, it will get better anyway. You've given me hope, thank you so much.
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