Some success and hope with friends

[Shamasamdrew]

Just wanted to put this in a place where parents would understand and to offer some example of hope. My son is 16 and for years, he has struggled making and keeping friends. Kids bullied him, shunned him and he had the hardest time fitting in due mostly to the symptoms of ADHD. To add to the fun, the pandemic certainly took it’s toll on him making friends as well.

Today though, he has spent the day with his friend group. He HAS a friend group! They have been playing board games at my kitchen table for the last 6 hours. They are kind and respectful and they accept my son!

I put this here because this is the kind of post I needed to see years ago when things didn’t look like they do at this moment. When I literally watched neighborhood kids run and hide in their homes rather than include him when he came outside. I needed this post when I asked the teacher does he have any friends?The answer was almost never what I wanted to hear.

Today, I am just really reflecting on the journey that got us here. I needed to write it out and if it offers anyone a glimmer of hope which I know I needed so much when he was younger then I am glad I wrote it out here. Thanks for reading of you have gotten this far.

[Onthemove1971]

Thank you! You are right we all need to hear after years of struggles it can get better. Age is a wonderful thing for our kids.

I am so happy for you and your son.

Enjoy!

[Auggie123]

Thanks so much for posting this. So happy for you and your son. It took a lot of work to get to that moment... thank you for sharing that the hard work pays off...reminds me not to give up and to keep hope in sight.

[Phaselis]

Yes, you are exactly true. We need to hear positive things as well, little success stories will make us hopefull. I have 11 years old son. He had suffered from all kind of bullying. The painful one was teachers bullying. Inspite of all bullying efforts, my son had himself accepted in almost whole school. His exellent art abilities helped him to be a cool guy. He is saying that he is one of the popular kids in school. In neighbourhood, everyday his friends come to home and invite him to play outside. He did this himself, no medication support(he is not using medication), no therapy support, no teacher support in classroom. I saw that as much as he gets older, he is doing better, he is creating strategies to deal with. I just want to share our story

[WizKidMama]

Thanks so much for sharing. Success stories are absolutely vital to helping us get through the hardest times. Your story sounds very similar to my son, who tried so hard to make friends and was just too "different" for most to accept him. But when he hit 10th grade, he joined the marching band and finally came into his own. He found a place where he felt like he belonged and made friends that have stayed with through his first year of college now. My daughter is 9 and just recently diagnosed and she's having the same kind of hard time. I often think of my son & how he turned things around for himself and pray that my daughter can do the same. Seeing similar success stories from others helps so much. Very happy for you and your son

[BStron]

Thank you for sharing this post. This gives us hope. We need to hear more positive stories ! Very happy for you and your son.

[BlueCherries]

This made my day. Thank you very much. My child had been diagnosed with ADHD and depression at 9th grade and told us he didn't have friends from 5th grade but he has met friends in 7th grade and then Covid hit. He now has friends in high school but we don't see them at home since they don't live within our neighborhood. I am really hoping to meet them and their parents. Thanks again for sharing.

[NNicole]

Thank you for sharing. My son has just been recently diagnosed and this is one of things I am most afraid of as we begin to navigate this diagnosis. I'm so happy your son has found his way. It must be a beautiful sound to hear their little voices and laughter fill your home. You have done a wonderful job!

[KristinaMN71]

Thank you for sharing this story. My daughter is in 9th grade and struggles socially—she operates as a 12-year-old, and it’s painful to watch kids actively avoid her when we are at school activities. I do hold out hope that she will adjust in the next year or two and find her way. She’s getting into theater, which I think has the sort of automatic community marching band can provide! So glad your son has discovered it.

[anirush]

Sometimes it takes a while to find their way socially. My 17 year old grandson finally has friends. He has always had maybe one person he would talk to at school and would eat lunch by himself. He would say he was fine but I would worry. He finally found a friend who had other friends which helped.

I was a shy child and it does not help to try to push them.

[Nanchli]

This is Awesome! I feel like teen agers years are the hardest for any kids but with special need kids they are the worse! Best is yet to come, ENJOY!

[highnoon22]

I just joined today and I was happy to see there is someone who has a boy 17-18 and my grandsons age. He is a senior in HS and thinks he can go away to college. I raised him with my daughter a lot of the time, so his problems are also my problems. We never thought for a minute that he had anything wrong with him when he was a baby, toddler, or k-8 grade. The signs were there but we didn't know them. Long story short, he was diagnosed at age 13 or so. He was always a good student, but it became obvious to us that something was wrong. He would forget mostly everything; homework, rules, jobs at home, getting to bed etc. He finally got a 504 at the end of Jr. year. He sees a counselor/therapist once a month, and a pediatric Dr every few months. The meds made him lose a lot of weight, so she has been changing up his meds. He also has a college coach who recommends colleges all over the map. I was wondering if your son decided to go to college near home, or it was recommended by someone. I honestly don't see him succeeding anywhere where he has to keep a tight schedule and actually wake up in the morning and get going. It's hard enough now to get him going and would he remember his meds? The cost is ridiculously expensive. Throwing money away like this and having him back home after the first semester feeling like a loser is not what we want for him. I found a few schools that offer accommodations with info from a school official or doctor. I'm not sure that's enough to help him succeed. Could you share your experience about how you and your son decided on a local school? I thank you in advance.

[Shamasamdrew in reply to highnoon22]

I had so many of the same concerns you do for your grandson so I get it. I was concerned about my son remembering to take his meds and the basics of his hygiene. I was worried about him making friends at a new school as well because he is quirky. I also felt like college tuition is a big ticket item and we need to get it right so we don’t waste money.

When we started the college search, my son really didn’t want to go away to school. We did look at a couple of schools in addition to local options where he would have had to dorm, because his major is video game design and that is not the easiest major to find. For us, we chose the local school because they had small class sizes, great accommodations, and it is a small school with a smaller system to navigate, if that makes sense. They also invested so much into the video game design program that no other school even compared to it with the technology that was offered.

We are almost done with first semester and sometimes I have regret that he didn’t go away and I wonder if we have shielded him from the challenge and the learning opportunities within that. I recently asked him how he felt though and he is still happy we chose the local school. If I really think about it, the local school has its own brand of learning opportunities. For example, he is doing well in his classes with some minor hiccups. He is learning how to fix those hiccups when they happen. I provide scaffolding still for instances where he struggles, but he is better than he has ever been with independence. He got promoted at his job which he was able to keep because he still lives here and he LOVES working there so that has been a plus. It has also really made him step out of his comfort zone with driving because he has to commute and for a while, driving was a huge source of anxiety for him.

Hope this helps you all make a decision. I have seen a lot of kids that start out at community college to get their feet wet and then go to a 4 year school too so something else to consider. I wish you luck!!