17 year old struggling

[Roo2005]

My 17 year old has was diagnosed with ADHD in the 7th grade. He is very skeptical about any help. We did therapy, therapist was great then he decided to move away. After that my son refused therapy. We tried meds. Dr. gave him a very small dose but he said he wasn’t himself with them and didn’t want to take them anymore. His mental health has suffered. Most times he is down or has anxiety. I worry so much because his grades have dropped and that has made him feel worse about himself. He says “I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life”. I tell him take it one day at a time. Any ideas or suggestions I make, he doesn’t want to hear it. He said he wants to figure it out in his own. I am just so scared for him and feel like I should be doing more but he won’t let me in.

[Onthemove1971]

Could you get him educational support? This would be a 504 plan to help him with things like late assignments, more time of test, computer for notes?It would only take a letter from the person that gave him the ADHD diagnosis and then set it up with the teachers.

That could also support him in anytime of educational opportunities after high school.

Good luck!

[HoldingonLou]

I could have written this myself. Just know our kids are trying to grow up and that means figuring things out for themselves. I would praise him for his desire to figure it out on his own but remind him he doesn't have to go it alone.

I know exactly how you feel. I just keep checking in with my son. He has clearly stated how he feels about medication and going to the doctor. I try to put things into words he can relate to like how working 16 hours a week will turn into 40 soon. I teach him about the household bills and try to help him see the bigger picture. Since he has chosen not to take the stimulant, I have emphasized to him how he is charge of his body. I remind how important nutrition is and how he is responsible for self care. I also tell him how different jobs have been for me when it comes to demands and expectations. Hopefully our kids will make good decisions and be successful.

[PurpleMom415]

I can relate. My 17 year old son (he just turned) was also diagnosed with ADHD around the same age and has never managed to acquire friends. He is depressed and cries a lot. I recently signed him up for therapy, but it's too early to tell if it will help. He is very lonely and it breaks my heart. I don't know how to help him or how to help him make a friend. I feel as though he is spiraling - his grades are being affected as well. Medications just take his appetite away and he doesn't like it. It hurts even more not to have someone he can relate to, talk to, hang out with - do the things other teens do. Is your son experiencing the same with regard to friends?

[eaw49 in reply to PurpleMom415]

Hi, it is incredibly painful for us when our kids are hurting. Having one or two peers that they can relate to makes all the difference in the world. Something about finding your “tribe” that makes life feel bearable. If you don’t mind me asking, why do you think your son is struggling with finding and keeping friends?

The reason I ask is because I have a son that has high functioning autism. For the first 12 years of his life his sisters were his only source of friendship. He was pretty lonely. He loves to talk about intellectual topics for hours and struggled with connecting with other kids his age. We were eventually able to get him into a school specifically for kids on the autism spectrum and he flourished. He learned a lot of social skills and how to connect to other students. What his old school district had been calling his peers were kids that actually were not. His peers were the ones like him. He had finally found his “tribe” and was so much happier. He is currently in college and still has a core set of 5 friends he spends time with and has made new friends in his classes. Finding that peer support literally changed his life.

I hope the therapy helps and they figure out why he’s having a difficult time connecting.

I wish you and your family a lot of success. I hope this year changes for the better for him.

Ericka

[KayakingCat]

Is finding a new therapist an option? Or trying a different type of ADHD medication? I know that meds can be a bit of a crapshoot, but now that he's been through puberty and hormones have leveled off, perhaps the medication experience would be different.

[Bootsie1]

youtu.be/vzdYv6-890A(Not working as expected?)

This clip may be of some help. Ned Hallowell’s suggestion is to reframe and it works wonders for my son (14 yo).

[Roo2005 in reply to Bootsie1]

Thank you! I’ve tried similar tactics but it is always the same answer “I will figure it out in my own just like I always do”. I’m here to help but he won’t accept it.