HELP! New to all this.

[Ayla_Rose]

Hi everyone,

Super new to all this. I apologize if this is a repeat post. Trying to do my research to learn quickly but would like to talk to real people. To make this short as possible......

My daughters Grade 1 teacher told me she thought my daughter had ADHD, I ignored this.

My daughters Grade 2 teacher sent me an email saying she thought my daughter could have ADHD and maybe to see our doctor. So we got a referral and the pediatrician read through the teachers reports and my questionnaire and said she has combined ADHD. (she is physically fairly calm and low energy but easily distracted mentally). She's not hyper at all. And she can sit and color or craft for hours. However, she is 2 years behind on her reading and writing (possible because she can't focus in school). She's good at math and loves recess.

I don't have a problem with her at home. Yes, she is challenging at times, often stubborn and strong willed, but our home life is wonderful for the most part.

She does have low self-esteem which is very sad and I am working with a councilor, and she definitely has a hard time sitting still at the dinner table (doesn't bother me- stand if you want). Sometimes I have to repeat myself many times to get her to do something (I don't mind- I like to hear myself talk). She definitely has the qualities of a child with ADHD, but it doesn't bother me at home.

School on the other hand is a struggle. She hates school and struggles with learning reading and writing.

Anyways, the pediatrician has recommended we put her on Biphentin. My immediate reaction was No. But then he said that the side effects of children who don't take medication can be low self-esteem (we already have that), difficulty learning (we have that too), and can lead to struggles later on with substance abuse (this is scary!).

My main concerns.......... will she need this medication long term? What happens when I take her off it? Will she know how to cope with her ADHD without it?

Will her ADHD effect her learning and she will most likely always struggle in school?

Am I holding her back from a good education by not putting her on the drugs???

Am I ruining her future by not doing it? Bad grades, struggles and possible substance abuse cause I chose not to get her help???

Does anyone else feel this way??

Am I doing her wrong by not medicating and giving her that "help"?

Please give me your experiences or any advice..... I know you can't tell me whether to do it or not, but any advice would be great!

Thank you!

[Ayla_Rose]

Sorry for such a long post: My main concern now is......

Am I doing her wrong by not getting her that help (ie-medication?)

[Aloysia]

We've all been there. Sometimes it takes a while to reach a decision.

If your child couldn't see the chalkboard, would you get her glasses? If your child had diabetes, would you give her insulin? If your answer is yes, then you need to seriously consider giving her ADHD medication.

Be prepared to do a bunch of trial and error with various meds and dosages. But most parents find that it's worth it.

After x amount of time, will the child who needed glasses still need them? Likely, but not always. You can easily do some trials off medication during summer, winter break, spring break, or even weekends. Although that does depend a little on which medication your child does best with.

I hope this helps...

[Lovelanguage]

Hello there,

I’m going to address something different. You stated that your child is several years behind in reading but does well in Math. Have you considered that your child might be dyslexic? My child could not break apart and sound out words. Because I pushed him hard to read he came up with a strategy to guess at words. This failed him, we had him tested for everything through a neuropsychologist and the results showed adhd and dyslexia. It was good news because then I started researching dyslexia. Dyslexic children require special reading programs to force the brain to learn letters and sounds. The treatment is completely different for both and I’m just throwing this out there in case you want to look into it.

As far as medication, after a year of mulling it over and my child failing behaviorally, and accademically, I knew it was time to medicate my child to help him stay calm, focus, have emotional regulation, be successful, and finally the most important, not lose his confidence. I believe for you it will become glaringly obvious when /if you need to look into medication. Pay attention to your child and you will know .

[ADHDaGift]

Thank you for sharing your story. I didn't receive my ADHD diagnosis until the age of 35. At the same time, my 7yo son was diagnosed as well. By the time I had received my ADHD diagnosis, I had already been diagnosed with PTSD, major depressive order, and unspecified anxiety disorders. The initial prognosis seemed like a sentence to a life of misery. But my determination to solve this seemingly unsolvable puzzle in an attempt to save my son from the same struggles I experienced most of my life, or at least alleviate as much as I could, has led me to reach a place of mental stability I've never experienced. I can only speak for myself and my son, but the most important thing is researching and studying ADHD like anything else in your life you've become knowledgeable about. Medication is always an option, but in my opinion, should be a last resort with children who are not in immediate need of intervention (adhd is the leading mental health diagnosis among children 5-11 who commit suicide). Your child sounds like she has minor setbacks in the grand scheme of things that can be corrected as you better understand how to effectively communicate things she doesn't ordinarily find interesting (i.e. reading and writing). Medication is accompanied by side effects that drastically effect fully developed adults, the impact it could possibly have on someone like your daughter, who seems to be functioning like a normal child, despite it being more difficult in certain situations. I strongly encourage trying to understand what its like for her and trying to make minor behavioral adjustments as before resorting to Medication. The process of developing a morning routine with my son, after his mom threatened to put him on medication if something didn't change, brought us closer and made a bigger impact than anything else I can recall doing as a father. After 2 days of walking through it and encouraging him as opposed to giving orders, it became his habit for the last half of the school year without fail. I was amazed and honestly embarrassed at how much easier it was for him to adjust his behavior than even myself. He would often be ready 30 -45 mins early, and I couldn't help feel there was a direct correlation between the reduction in negative feedback he received in the a.m. , directly impacted his self-confidence and mood throughout the day. I'm sorry for rambling, I'm just very passionate and want to help but struggle with articulating my thoughts into words (probably the ADHD lol). I hope this helps in some way and if you have additional questions I may be able to help with please ask. Good luck on your journey and just know your positive attitude and desire to do whats best for your daughter, are the most important gifts you can give her.

[Lovelanguage in reply to ADHDaGift]

I love this advice.

[Redpanda5]

The beginning of the journey is always riddled with fear and guilt. You are not alone. I remember it well.

May I suggest getting formal diagnosis? A pediatrician isn’t the best professional to be treating a child for adhd. You yourself don’t seem to even think they’re correct in their opinion (and it is an opinion because you said all they did was read through reports). I recommend finding a child psychologist who will do formal testing. Schedule a meeting with the psychologist to let them know all your concerns and all her symptoms and ask for her to be tested because you know something is off. Let THEM determine what she has. That’s their job.

From there you will receive a formal report that will recommend treatments: medication, therapy, and school accommodations. After the diagnosis, meet with a psychiatrist for meds (they solely handle medication management) and take the report to the school to get her accommodations.

Many parents are terrified about medication but trust me, if you are under the care of an experienced psychiatrist, it helps ease that apprehension. They know what they’re doing. They do it all day long. These kids need the playing field leveled for them and medication is a big piece in bringing them up to the level where their peers are operating. The correct professional in your corner will boost your confidence.

My best advice for starting out - find a psychologist who will formally test your child. You need a clear starting point.

Take a deep breath. Write down the steps and follow through. Get that staring point established and it will flow better from there. I have two with adhd, one also with anxiety and a sister who has taught special education for 25 years. Arm yourself with info from professionals and people who have lived this. You’re in the right place. I also recommend searching this site. These people know the system. Best to you! 👍🏻

[Ayla_Rose]

Thank you everyone so much!!

You have all definitely given me a few other things to think about and look into. I will be looking for a child psychologist as well.