Is it ADHD or something else?

[ElsaPickles]

our daughter is 8 and was diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia. She actually does well at school and gets good grades and at her parent teacher conference her teacher voiced no concerns. Our issue is that she’s really oppositional at home. She throws violent tantrums which is really affecting our home life. We’re puzzled because we feel if this behavior was a symptom of her ADHD - it would be presenting at school too, right? Any insight would be super helpful. Thanks in asdvance!

[Aloysia]

This is actually really common. Some kids can hold it together just long enough to get through school. Then they lose it afterwards because they are so overwhelmed and burned out from the school day. The good thing is that she trusts you enough to let down her guard with you. It may not seem like a good thing when you're dealing with it, but it is. You may need to dial back the expectations at home, give her time after school to decompress, etc. If the problems are with doing homework, then get her some accommodations at school with a 504 plan to allow for no homework or significantly reduced homework.

[Mamamichl in reply to Aloysia]

Homework was a big problem for us too. We now do it all on breaks and weekends. I know it’s a lot for her to handle school, even in 4th grade.

[penn_adhd]

Not necessarily. Any kid can be one way at school and another way at home. Also, they tend to push back against those they're with the most the hardest. That's just typical development.

[penn_adhd]

Question...did the oppositional behavior start with a new med or a raise in dosage? That can trigger things sometimes.

[Mamamichl]

it’s important to note that kids mask at school a lot. They hold themselves socially all day and we are their safe zone, so they let loose. Bio mom didn’t believe me and my partner about my stepkid with meltdowns, but Kid would even throat punch half blind dad at 11. They have found a good counselor, and learned coping skills at school throughout elementary and transitioned back to mainstream in middle school. They are thriving academically in high school now.

I think they acted out more with us because we had more expectations and demands for responsibilities. We are working with my 9 yo who is starting to really have some attitude with us and shuts down when confronted at school. She has a counselor (or 2 now), and we are looking into other treatments/conditions, including ocd and dmdd (like sibling has).