Anyone have any tips on how to help an ADHD preschooler?

[Indymama94]

I'm desperate and we're trying to get into some sort of therapy as a family so we can all learn how to help each other and especially my daughter (3) who is strongly suspected to be ADHD. I don't even know where to start. She destroys everything. I mean everything and not just making messes like she's breaking things, tearing things, etc. I can't even get her to watch a TV show she cannot sit still and focus long enough to watch even 10 minutes. She throws tantrums constantly and flips a switch so fast. She fidgets and squirms non-stop some part of her is always moving.She screams if you try to help her be still for even a few minutes (like at the doctor or in a shopping cart for example). Her ability to listen and do tasks is nonexistent. I have no idea how to help so please any tips on how to ease this all would be much appreciated. I feel so much judgment from others that this is just our bad parenting but we get her around other kids her own age and none of them are like how she is. None. Are we just shitty parents for not knowing how to help? I feel like I'm going crazy over here.

[MNmom99]

Hi there, just so you know you are not alone, my son was having these type of outbursts before being diagnosed (diagnosed at 4ish) he's 5 now, have you went through the screening/testing through her pediatrician? Filling out the yes/no to behavior forms? I would start there and get an official diagnosis if you are speculating already they can help. That's where we started then they referred us to a few places that specialized in ADHD for behavioral therapy, it was so hard because of covid the behavioral therapy he had was just via zoom which was next to impossible to see success at 4 years old trying to pay attention to a person on a computer, we also had therapy for my husband and I to help understand what we could do better to help him.. That age is so hard because they dont communicate much through words much yet. We also changed some of his foods eliminating red dye 4.0 sometimes kids have bad reactions to food colorings its in a lot of foods geared towards kids jello, gummies, drinks ect (as he would have a bad hyper active reaction, there have been many studies done with diets and ADHD that may be worth looking into if you haven't already) that's a simple thing to try as she is so young. We also stated daily multi vitamins supplements with Omega 3 which helped a bit, we needed more help so we started him on medication, which was a hard choice for me as I was always "anti medicine" but that sometimes is exactly what they need to help slow down their thinking I cant imagine being a little one and not being able to communicate well their mind and body racing, due to ADHD its so hard seeing your child like that. Our son couldn't sit still and never could be one to watch tv he was constantly moving couldn't sit for us to read a book and needs to stay active pretty much at all times, he would get angry throw things and had a very hard time transitioning . Sometimes he would rage and I would cry so hard after because I like you had no idea how to help. Sometimes it would help to get his attention by making something a game the reverse psychology trick. I bet you cant get to the bathroom before me, lets race ect. My son now can play Simon says that way I can help control his movements so its not just throwing stuff jumping on the couch chasing the dog ect., Thankfully with the therapy his medication, removing food dyes and him getting older and being able to communicate better its gotten better, but I was right where you are and its no fun. I'm glad you posted, I've received a lot of advice on this site and comforting to know you're not alone. I've learned that each child has different needs and may not be able to be parented like other kids are, I learned how to be more patient and not expect him to do everything I need him to do quickly, provide simple instructions 1 step at a time as they cant comprehend a lot at once. Unfortunately she just may NOT be able to sit still like as in she physically cant because her brain keeps moving, she may need to be occupied in some way very close one on one attention. My son once told me his brain was scratchy it was so hard to hear that. Anyways sorry for the long winded post I just had a lot to say lol. hang in there though its tough no doubt, you are not a "shitty parent" though you are learning and that's important to your daughter and helpful for her. The more you can find out about ADHD and talk with other parents that will hopefully help you more, along with her doctor. Unless you have a child with ADHD how would you know what to do right? That isn't a learned thing like changing diapers where every child needs that done...lol for ADHD its a whole learning process what works for one child with ADHD may not work for another that has it as well. Feel free to reach out anytime. Glad you are here. 🙂

[BrianneKuenz in reply to MNmom99]

What a lovely supportive written comment! I can relate to all of it!!!

IT (ADHD...learning about it, researching, diagnosing, adjusting, accommodating, & medicating... IT) is quite the JOURNEY!

Thank you for your insight & supportive words!

[MNmom99 in reply to BrianneKuenz]

Thank you! It's SO hard, I'm glad I found this place I feel like part of an online community that I can relate with, for so long I felt lonely and had no one other than my husband that I could talk with that understands having a child with ADHD, I've found so much comfort and support here. Its a good place and so glad to be here. 🙂

[OTmamaCO]

Hi - so glad you are here and finding a place to connect. I both work with and have my own child with severe ADHD (14-year-old daughter). First, you are AMAZING and not shitty Until someone walks this path, they have no idea what it involves. The usual parenting strategies do not work well for our kids. I have felt that sense of being judged (in truth, most of it is me judging myself) and I know how hurtful it is. You are looking for answers, you are reaching out for supports, and you seem to still see your daughter apart from her behaviors, you understand that she isn't deliberately "being bad" but that something is driving her to be this way. That is huge!

I agree that talking to your pediatrician is an important first step. Make them understand that these are not typical rambunctious preschooler behaviors - they are more extreme and are disruptive to everyday life. They may be able to refer you to a specialist to help.

Does she attend a preschool or day care? I'm in Colorado, so things may be different where you are, however she may be able to receive some services, and possibly free preschool, through the special education law. I would start with your local school district and ask them how to contact the "Child Find" coordinator for your area. In some places that will be within the school district and others will be a separate agency or organization. They may be able to do an educational evaluation (different from a medical eval - can't diagnosis ADHD, but can determine if she has a developmental delay that would impact her learning ). I know you are probably thinking but she's only 3 and there's no way she can hold it together in a preschool class, but the programs are specifically designed for children who need extra supports. They often include an OT - Occupational Therapist, Speech Therapist, and/or Early Childhood Special Educator.

Speaking of OT, I am one Are you familiar with Sensory Processing? It's a big topic, but basically it means the process by which our brains deal with the sensory information our bodies give it (sights, sounds, movements, body positions, etc.) Some brains are more sensitive to inputs and may need to simplify things to avoid overwhelm; others need way more input to feel satisfied and be able to relax. We often use the term "sensory-seeking" for these brains. It sounds to me that your little may have some behaviors that are driven by her need for more-more-more sensory input. That is for sure not all that's going on, but could be a part. People with ADHD frequently also have sensory processing differences, and learning to meet those needs in safe and functional ways can really help. If you can think of a way to offer an alternative activity that is kind of like what she's doing but isn't destructive, like "we can't pull apart the dolls, but you can pull apart all these Legos", you can't kick the dog, but you can kick this ball, etc, that can help.

I could go on all day about this but I hope that gives you some ideas, and mostly please know you are NOT ALONE! I know how very isolating and disheartening it is to have a child with these challenges. If you are able, I would recommend trying to connect with an OT who specializes in this age group - I realize money and insurance, etc sometimes makes that hard, but just a thought. There are also tons of resources on the web - just search for sensory processing for preschoolers, and you will find a lot of info and ideas to try.

Hugs to you!

Renee