Custody concerns

[Beantrees]

My ex has untreated ADHD. He works in a social services facility that houses a family shelter and 3/4 way housing for people serving time.

Our child is learning remotely and he decided to take her to his job rather than take 1/2 a sick day (which was what originally was planned), take her to the in-home daycare she attends, or leave her with me since I also work from home. He made this decision without informing me, and I have no say. He texted me that someone OD'd at his building in the lobby a few weeks ago. It is not a safe place. I don't know what I can do when he makes poor parenting decisions and it's not my designated day of custody. I am so worried for her, she's only 8. He does IT and has to leave his office frequently. He says someone will watch her if he has to leave. I am freaking out, what can I do?????

Beantrees

[anirush]

I don't know if you want to go there because it could cause problems with your ex but if you really think she's in danger you could contact social services.

Can you afford to talk to your lawyer about your custody arrangement?

[Beantrees in reply to anirush]

Thank you for responding. Last week was particularly tough. My ex's behavior is quite cyclical, and last week was filled with poor decisions, impulsivity, and lack of communication (or too much!). Nothing he does is bad enough to warrant getting social services involved, but I just keep compiling evidence in case something does occur. It's very frustrating.

[Harnessinghope]

I agree with anirush. It sounds more like a legal matter, if that.

One important piece of co-parenting is learning to try to trust your co-parent and believe that they would not put your child in harm’s way. Another is, we will never be able to control what our co-parent chooses to do.

Anirush’s point is, if there is an issue, social services and your attorney are excellent places to try to get assistance. If those fail, it may require you to go to the paragraph above. I have been there and it is extremely hard. So, I empathize with you.

[Beantrees in reply to Harnessinghope]

Lack of trust is a major issue, and partially why I am now divorced. I don't think I will ever trust him. I just have to make sure my daughter has a foundation to base sound decisions on, and hope for the best.

[Elaina_55]

I would be extremely concerned too. I recommend calling your local health and welfare office to report this. Your ex and your daughter might both be interviewed by a social worker or child advocate. Definitely inform your legal counsel of this as well.

[Beantrees in reply to Elaina_55]

I think I may look into legal counsel for single moms, my initial divorce lawyer was good but way too expensive.

Luckily it went ok and she wasn't at his workplace long. Only 10 more years of dealing with this kind of thing, yay!

[Understanding102]

If you can’t agree then mediation or filing a motion to modify would be necessary. If you’re available and have documented that he frequently leaves or if the OD then that would be your reasoning.

I would be upset too.

[Beantrees in reply to Understanding102]

Thank you for the validation! It's frustrating to say the least.