Perceived poor communication skills of a 15 year old

[Drummum]

My son is 15. I’m concerned with how he communicates or doesn’t. He blurts at me saying very hurtful things, is impulsive, doesn’t let me finish sentences, not quite in tune with expressing himself. For some reason when I get him away from our house and his computer he’s more mellow. This all may be due to his age. I’m not sure but it’s concerning in the sense of how he will deal with people outside of his little safe world at home. He hasn’t had a lot of time yet working with the general public.

Also he doesn’t really plan well but he is working with an ADHD coach who is working with him on this.

[Onthemove1971]

Welcome to the group! We are excited to have you join us on this journey.

I have learned that all communication is communocation, if that makes sense.

Have you talked to him to try and see why he is talking that way.

Usually when out son speaks to me that way it is always related to me asking him to do something that he doesn't think he needs to do. He feels like if he works hard in school he is done, can do what he wants the rest of the day. NO, there are chores and other things to do. I looking at this situation, I realize it is really hard for him to use all of his energy in school. But he like us still needs to contribute to out home community.

We speak about this in thearpy. No one deserves to be talk to like that.

Does he have all the tools he needs? Thearpy, medication and or education plan? These are key to our survival.

Hope hearing what someone else's is going through helps.

Take care,

[anirush]

It sounds like a teenager with ADHD. My grandsons are in counseling to learn control although their mother, my daughter, stills gets nasty when stressed or angry and then apologizes later. Sigh!

[MrsKlco]

I can feel your frustration. I have come to understand, with the help of "Boundaries with Teens" that they see us (the parents) as the best/easiest place to verbalize their rebellions, opinions, an protests. And because we will not give up on them or shame them, we are "safe for them." NOT fun at allll!!

Keeping that in mind...It has helped tremendously not to take my son's wacky crap seriously. I just have to stay calm, consistant and ride the wave. Helps to have the backing of your significant other. So there is no power struggles or manipulation. (Not that your/ or any preciouses children or teen would resort to that.)

I also agree with Onthemove, with trying to understand and communicate empathy for his frustration. This is not a "give in to his crap" but again be constant and do not let him get away with not contributing. Eventually, he will see that all of his attempts at "getting out of doing things" doesn't work.

My son is in the military now and he calls and is so thankful for my diligence with him. I am no way a perfect parent but now I work with people in early recovery and use the same tactics with them. No matter if they are 20 or 50 sometimes they DO NOT act like it.

Not to be funny but I also pull insight from Casar Millan, The Dog Whisperer.

"Stay calm and assertive... and always follow though"

Your concern (for your son) is the most priceless, take care of yourself. It will be fine.

Keep posting questions and supporting others.

Renee