When do adhd kids develop empathy?

[Dancingmusicqueen]

My child is 6 and is very self centered. He really struggles with seeing other points of view. Part of this is understandable given his age but with his ADHD mind, I wonder when it will happen. We try to install lesson of love and respect but I feel I’m struggling with it to.

Thanks

[Onthemove1971]

We are excited you joined our group. Hope you read previous posts of others questions and answers so they can help you.

One way to help this is to do "social stories" and act them out. Have him take a role and give the character a name and have him look at the story from a number of views.

For us it came with maturity.. our son is 13 years old. He is also now doing chores daily for the house ( community) and learning to be responsible for things. If you would of asked me when he was 6 or 7, I would have never believed he would be as successful today.

Hope this helps.

[Dancingmusicqueen in reply to Onthemove1971]

It does help. Much appreciated. I have our son doing chores now but he needs reminders a lot of the time. I will say that he is pretty good about putting his dishes in the sink and throwing away his trash. But it’s good to know things do happen as they mature. I just never know sometimes because when you’re in the trenches it feels like it will never happen.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Dancingmusicqueen]

That is why we are here together.. I have been so inpired by the parents who have children older than our son who have inspired me..

Big hugs for all your trouble.

[Canadianmum]

My daughter is the same. Also 6. I did read that it takes ADHD kids longer to develop theory of mind - that is understanding the perspective of others.

Remember that the typical delay in certain skills is 30% so for a 6 year old, they are closer to having the same skill level as a 4 year old. That explains why it feels that you are going through totally different phases.

We try to explain and model a lot, but honestly I think it doesn’t come naturally and as they mature they can rationalize these ideas more, whereas for other kids it is more intuitive.

[Dancingmusicqueen in reply to Canadianmum]

Thank you I appreciate it

[RichSeitzOceanNJ]

Boys mature much slower than girls do and when you add ADHD to the picture...

the other comments are all spot on. Some further help in how to approach empathy and others feelings is available from the Pax Good Behavior Game for elementary schools and Pax Tools for parents. Pax GBG actually allows children tp practice self-control and self-regulation several times a day in school when they are excited and with their friends (the two conditions that cause teens do "really stupid" things) and trains the brain by exercising the circuits of the pre-frontal cortex. It's harder for parents to simulate but the Pax Tools are fairly easy to learn and use. See:

Pax Tools intro

youtube.com/watch?v=t952q7_...(Not working as expected?)

Pax Breaks

youtu.be/0KgkB8LOgAg(Not working as expected?)

Working from home

youtube.com/watch?v=DYsx5FB...(Not working as expected?)

[Dancingmusicqueen in reply to RichSeitzOceanNJ]

Thanks I will give it a look. Is this something for free or do you have to purchase it?

[RichSeitzOceanNJ]

Everything online is free at You Tube. There may be small ($1) charges at the Pax site for detailed lists of activities/rewards that have been compiled by users over years of use but I've never needed to buy anything there. My county paid for teacher training in Pax GBG but that's another story and soliciting is understandably forbidden here.

[coopha]

Hi! My son is 14 and I really only started seeing empathy this summer. Hang in there, maturity will help with this one.

[anirush]

I have a 15 year old grandson who recently told me that he thought there was something wrong with him because he did not empathize with others. I told him, no you are a teen trying to find yourself , that most teens are pretty self centered, and that empathy would come with work. He was so relieved.

[Luluisaac15]

I personally think that’s it has more to do with lack of understanding or missing social cues , which could come off as lack of empathy.

Practicing labeling emotions, and recognizing social cues ( both verbal and non- verbal). We also practice ( role play) social skills.

Pinterest has some great ideas!

[Klmamma in reply to Luluisaac15]

I agree. I don't think they lack empathy so much as they are oblivious to those around them and their own actions at time. The self preservation and shame lying just makes it worse too. The thing that drives us the most nuts is the blame shifting. He just doesn't realize he walked by and pushed someone no matter how infuriating it is for us.

[Dancingmusicqueen in reply to Klmamma]

Agreed so much with what you said. This is my son. He never wants to admit he did something and I think part of it is that he doesn’t realize he’s doing it.

[Klmamma in reply to Dancingmusicqueen]

Yes. It's that and the fact that they're always in trouble and tired of being the "bad kid" as my 6 year old has told me.

[Dancingmusicqueen in reply to Klmamma]

Yup that sounds like us. And it doesn’t help that my son gets very defensive too