ADD and school issues. HELP!

[ChickPea74]

My son just can't get a break at school... I'm really at a loss. I have to vent and if anyone has advice - I'll take it.

He is 10 years old and has ADD, auditory processing disorder and tourettes syndrome. The school he has been at since he was 4 has changed their discipline policy this year and they've gone zero tolerance on behavior. In the two months since school started he's gotten written up five times - once for swinging his arms in line, once for talking, once for going to the wrong bathroom, once for saying "oh man" because his art teacher told him its silent art class time and once for asking a kid in music class where they were in the song book. They keep saying he's disruptive but then tell me these really absurd stories that is just kid stuff. I keep thinking there will be more to the story but no really - he was swinging his arms in line. That's it. They said it was a safety issue.

I spoke with his teacher and the principal and they are like - he has to learn to be the like the rest of the kids. And siggghhhh... he isn't like the rest of the kids. But when I say that, they look at me like I'm this enabling mother in denial. They act like ADD and auditory processing is some made up thing.

The teacher sent me a message that she is worried because she overheard him telling a friend that he hates school and doesn't care if he gets in trouble anymore. He told me he's always in trouble for something and he feels targeted.

I pulled him out of band last week because the music teacher said he can't play the drums. She said he can't play a note... he's been taking private drum lessons, he can play on a high school level but he's so intimidated by the teacher he keeps messing up. I sent her a video of him playing Led Zepplin and her response was - he doesn't fill in his practice sheet.

He is at a private catholic school and after doing research it sounds like private schools in general are awful with managing kids with ADD.

I toured some schools in the area and nothing seems much better. He loves his friends and that is the only reason he gets up in the morning.

I don't know what to do but I'm mad, and sad, and so frustrated for my son. He's such a sweet and creative kid and watching him get kicked around is killing me.

Any ideas, thoughts, can anyone commiserate?

[Hidden]

Does he have a 504 plan? I would look into it

[Onthemove1971]

What types of supports are you using now?

[DecaturDAD]

Private schools do not have to have 504 plans or IEPs. But they are subject to the ADA, and it seems your son should be protected by it, and entitled to reasonable accommodations because of his disabilities. It may be worth exploring with a lawyer or educational advocate.

[willowadhd]

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and send you a "HUG".

[Crunchby]

Yeah, private schools especially Catholic are so stupidly rigid. I mean, on one hand structure is what our kids need. However when it's taken to extremes, they will crumble. I'd take him out asap, put him in public where they have the resources to deal with his uniqueness. Also, his behaviors won't stand out much when he is not around kids trained to act like soldiers. Your doing great mom, and are clearly not in denial. Hugs

[Rebryan]

Public school, while far from perfect, is so much better equipped to help your son. We seitched from private to public when we got my sons diagnosis.

At first my son was scared but quickly made new friends. They are resilient. If your public school is one you feel comfortable sending him to, I believe, based on our experience, it will be a much better fit!

You aren’t alone for sure!! Good luck!

[Happle]

We have a 504 plan at our Catholic school, and they basically ignore most of it. You are not alone. I hope that your town has other options.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to Happle]

Just curious, did the local public school write it? If so they should be monitoring it.

We call ours a service plan.

[Happle in reply to Onthemove1971]

The 504 plan was written by our private school. I had to pay for our own evaluation, etc., and the school put it into the report. They aren't very good at following however (even with the comprehensive report and recommendations.

[Zephyr0]

I just recently had an issue at my son‘s catholic school. He’s in 5 grade and been there since kindergarten. He got frustrated for getting blamed for something another boy did (who admitted it). But the frustration was there already. He, in frustration, said to another classmate something about this teacher...who then told another teacher..got to the teacher who he had a problem with and then finally got to the principal. They decided to suspend him until he got a psych evaluation. I took him to his developmental pediatrician who just kept shaking her head at how overboard they went. Other teachers and staff reached out to me to comfort me because they thought the situation was blown so out of proportion. They knew my boy since kindergarten and knew that he felt wronged so had an outburst. But the principal has been there only one year and now starting her second year. She’s a lot more strict with discipline. Also told me that he should just stay in his seat. That he acts like he needs a special invitation... yes he does! That’s what his 504 says. We called our realtor that week to get an appraisal for our home which we love and are now looking for homes in a better school district. The one we live in currently is really bad. So I feel your pain and know that you are not alone. We keep praying and believe that all things happen for a reason. Hugs to you!

[Pmom]

My son was in private school when he got diagnosed with inattentive ADD. He was in Kindergarten at that time. They pushed on medicating my son even though we are not ready. They did not even mention about other options like behavioral therapy or something else. I couldn't believe It. We moved him to a public school in 1st grade with a 504 plan in placed.

[erpenbach]

I am in a similar boat. I have a 7 yr old with combined type ADHD and ODD. His charter school he's been in since kinder is getting less and less tolerant, and he is getting in trouble daily for little things like your son. He's suspended for half the day tomorrow, because he was blurting the answers in class, cause he wAs excited, and interrupting the science teacher and playing with materials he was asked not to, and poking a kid in line, not hard but being annoying and spinning in line, like a tornado. All kinda kid stuff like you said. But his school says they don't think it's the right fit for him and that their school model doesn't allow for the kind of accommodations he needs, nor do they have any resources for any counceling or aids. We're moving him to the local public school after Thanksgiving, I feel better about what they have to offer my kid and that he won't be singled out because he's not perfect. You are not alone. Hugs!! Keep it up momma.

[Pamela2876]

Our oldest son received ADD diagnosis and we did homeschooling for awhile which helped him gain confidence. Our youngest son is on the gifted and talented spectrum so he exhibits many of the ADHD symptoms because he is often ahead of other students and bored. I found that many teachers early on gave us a struggle with our sons but as they got into Middle School and High School what was a perceived hindrance before became an asset. My son who never sits still recently created a game show for his German class and is also one of the most fluent speakers. I would encourage you to not be discouraged by what teachers say. I would check out this link bit.ly/2PYCDsd. There maybe some resources that could help you.

[Tiffanyb]

My daughter started at a charter school and I switched her to public school based on the thought process that she will have more resources. I am in constant battle with her school about the additional support she needs and yes she has a 504 plan. I have started looking at private schools that specializes in learning disabilities. The main issue is the cost, so I have not made a final decision yet. I am also going to start looking into an attorney that specializes in working with ADHD/learning disabilities issues.

[RichSeitzOceanNJ]

Encourage any school teachers you know to research the Pax Good Behavior Game. It can be used by one teacher or the entire school (preferable). And it supports kids with ADHD.learning disabilities by taking the focus off of the individual and allowing mistakes. Google Pax GBG.

[Katielou1]

Oh I’m sorry your little boy is going through this. Have they no heart at all. I would bombard them with resources and hold a meeting again. The negative attention is is receiving is not good for his state of mind. It was happening to my 7 year old and after going in and speaking to his teachers and bombarding them with information on his condition. They have a more relaxed approach to him now and let some behaviours slide. Perhaps keep trying to work with them to educate them more. I had also gotten a doctor report stating his condition for the school also.

[Pennywink]

Wow - that does seem overboard! My son has ADHD w/ TS, with hints of anxiety / OCD. I definitely encountered disbelief of ADHD, but the TS diagnosis seems to be taken more seriously - I’m surprised your school doesn’t.

Private schools can be a bit more “hot or miss”. Two of my cousins with TS / OCD / ADHD went to Catholic school and my aunt can’t praise those nuns enough. But I don’t think they could have possibly thrived at your current location (my one cousin would even break out into song during class and occasionally hide under his desk, and the nuns just took it in stride.)

If you like the school, I would definitely talk to the principal / teachers / owner / whomever you need to again & be prepared to not back down. Someone specialized in education law to back you up wouldn’t be a bad idea either. If they are being THAT strict, there are probably other parents who have complaints as well you may be able to band together with. And if not, sounds like your son is being targeted.

[anirush]

My daughter went to Catholic schools and they don't do IEP's but a good school will work with disabilities. I found I had to get more feedback from her psychiatrist on what would or would not work for her. They eventually even let her go to the nurses office when she needed space or to cool down. Public school nurses won't allow that.

[Onthemove1971 in reply to anirush]

Many public school have "quiet rooms", which allow children who need a space to go and this is written into their educational plans.

Nurses often have many children in their spaces and their offices are not very comfortable.

[anirush]

My school district has a room they send them to but it is considered in school detention for those who can't behave in class.

We are in Texas and mental health care and spending is near the bottom of the list of state's spending.

[abryans]

I am so sorry your son is not being supported. My son goes to a Catholic school and it is excellent. Some classrooms offer special seats for any child who wants (bungee seats, large balls, rocking stools etc.), He can choose to sit or stand to work. His homeroom teacher writes him an encouraging note every week. He has many other accommodations. He is a great kid, and, like all children with combined type ADHD, he doesn't always say of do the right thing at the right time. In fact, he is maddening sometimes. He needs help filtering his thoughts and actions and his school is helping him gain the needed skills. Most importantly they believe in him. Every child needs someone at school (and at home) who believes in them. Kids are not programmed to learn the same things, at the same time, in the same way. Somehow, we need to make our education system more responsive to individual children's needs. I wish I could give you both a hug. I believe in you.

[ChickPea74]

Wow!!! Thank you for all the responses! I honest to god don't feel so alone now. It really sounds like the catholic schools are just not equipped for kids that aren't perfect. He has a "care plan" in place but its kind of nonsense... his teacher complained that when he plays with a fidget at his desk he has to keep it under the desk so it doesn't bother anyone... I brought up the care plan and then she acted all surprised that I'd make her stick to it. Sigh. I've been in touch with our public school which I think might be the best option for next year. It is such a struggle isn't it?