Stealing and exaggerating 11yr old

[care4myboy]

My son who is 11 y.o. with adhd and anxiety has been telling many tall tales and taking things of others. He has been caught on his lies by his sister and his classmates which made him embarrassed, and anxious and some times angry. The stealing issue also is getting worse. The most recent example was him taking a set of AirPods from someone at Starbucks. When I talked to him about it he refused to talk and would hid under furniture. Anyone can offer some advice or thoughts on these issues? Thank you in advance.

[Onthemove1971]

Thanks for posting to the blog about this issues.

Stealing is never ok...

These acts have been described as due to impulsivity. They see what they want and learning to control this behavior is a challange.

Does your son take medication to help him with impulsivity? If so I would ask if the dose is correct for his weight and height. Medication helps to decreasenrhe drive to be impulsive. The medication doesn't change their core personality.

Is your son working with a thearpist who can give him the strategies to help him learn to not be impulsive? These are things that need to be discussed with professionals.

The other thing is until this phase stops, if I were in your shoes I would not take my eyes off him, even at Starbucks. Having the ability to judge things is still developing and therefore we need to intervene with them.

The same about lying, have open conversations about what he said and tell him the consequences when he lies.

Another thing to consider is that the areas that is often missing with children is lack of empathy. So discuss with him "how do you think that person felt when you took the Airpods". Empathy is something, especially when our kids lack it, we need to teach. Then always make him repair what he did wrong.

I did the toothpaste demonstration with our son. Get a cheap tube of toothpaste and have him in the sink squeeze it all out. Then say ok now put it back and explain when we do something bad it can't be "put back". This is teaching them that their actions need to be thought about becuase we can't go back in time.

These are just some suggestions that have worked for us.

Best of luck, I hope this is a phase and that it will get better for you guys.

[Pennywink]

Here’s an article I found helpful about ADHD and lying. understood.org/en/learning-...

My son at age 6 was getting bad about stealing & lying. Like Onthemove said, the stealing is the impulsiveness in action- they frequently don’t even realize they are doing it. My son even resorted to minor hoarding- largely because he was embarrassed when he realized he had done something wrong and wanted to hide it. Starting him on medication around age 7 has probably been the biggest agent of change here, but some behavioral training / practice can also help. At home, you can try role playing situations that might lead to impulsively taking - then go out to places were the behavior might occur (like a store) just to practice. For my son - without medication he is not going to have the ability to think it through, so getting things into a habit is key.

Here’s a blog post by a foster parent that I think explains it better:

fosterparentrescue.blogspot...

[ckozmom]

Wish I could help. My 7 year old steals too but she makes up stories and doesn’t admit to stealing. She makes up stories how the items are hers, somehow I think she even believes the stories herself. It’s crazy. I feel ya! So sorry

[Janice_H]

Hello, my son tells lies often (12 y.o. w/ADHD) and steals things from others. I find things in the house that are not his. He also steals money from my purse to buy snacks and toys. I have made him write a letter to apologize for his actions and list the reasons why he should not steal. I do worry that this will get worse as he gets older.

Discussing the importance of honesty and making sure there are consequences for his actions helps.