Grandson on medication now

[grannycares]

My grandson is 12 years old soon to be 13 and he was diagnosed with adhd when he was 6 but I fought against medication and tried so many other approaches. He had so much difficulty in school poor behavior bad grades getting suspended wouldn’t talk to the counselor and angry all the time and always talking back. Finally we tried Vyvanse this year in March and I must admit things improved for him drastically at school his grades and behavior improved and he became student of the week 2 times. He’s even invited on field trips where as before he couldn’t go without a parent I didn’t worry about the weight loss because he was already obese for his age. So he still talks back and has the most difficult time even cleaning his room. And he will not talk to any counselors so I’m still trying different ways to help him. I must admit his back talk is very disturbing and disruptive to our household but I’m happy he’s doing better in school. Any ideas on how to curb the back talk. Sometimes I notice if I stop being affectionate he will approach me better.

[Supermom3]

My 10yo has been on Vyvanse for about 3yrs now and he still back talks. I attribute it to the impulsive part of his brain. For the most part, I’ve stopped getting angry. I force him to stop what he’s doing and take a minute to think about what he said. He usually realizes immediately and apologizes. I trying to reinforce a stop and think first mentality in him. I figure it’s the only way to curb the attitude.

[Jrandis]

Usually there is a need behind the behavior. Doing things that attach help

Kids too. Like do something they want to do for 10 minutes and let them make all or most of the decisions so they get to be in control. The connected Child is a great book. One of the authors is Karen Purvis- she’s done a lot of research and has strategies that really work. Check out her YouTube videos!

[Pennywink]

If it’s minor, I’ll ask my son to reword things in a kinder way. If it’s more severe / ongoing, I tell him I won’t respond until he speaks more respectfully. And then I ignore him until he changes his attitude. I’d leave the room if necessary, though we haven’t reached that point yet.

As for cleaning his room - my son needs everything broken down into steps for him, and made visual. So I have a simple checklist for him if the steps he needs to follow. Just saying “clean your room” he finds a little overwhelming. But giving him a list that says “1. Make your bed 2. Get dirty laundry off the floor” etc helps. Most multi-step tasks it helps him to have it broken down this way. It also helps with his behavior, as he is less frustrated by tasks.

Some medications can also increase aggressive behavior - either when they are active or when they wear off. If nothing else seems to be helping, it might be worth mentioning it to his prescribing physician- especially if you didn’t see these behaviors before medication. There are many other medication options to try.

And most importantly - try to have some positive connecting time each day. Reestablishing a bond goes a looooong way. If my son feels connected & positive with me or any caregiver, his desire to behave overcomes a lot.

Hope you are able to help your grandson!

[HeathersWellness]

You seem like a very caring grandmother so I can already tell that withholding affection is not going to be an easy thing to do. It also may not be the most effective approach to take by itself necessarily. Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) often accompanies ADHD and your grandson could be showing signs of this. You can read more about it here -- bit.ly/2V3QVXB.

Dr. Edward Hallowell (drhallowell.com) is a New York-based board-certified child and adult psychiatrist who has done extensive research on ADHD. He's also written several books to help families and practitioners alike and lectures frequently on the subject. His office may be able to recommend an ADHD coach for your grandson.

I do think it's great his grades and behavior in school have improved as this had been a major issue for him. Small steps are better than none and sometimes change comes in stages.

The tween and teen years can be particularly challenging for young people with ADHD. I pray you'll continue to receive the support you need here in the group, as well as with the counselors, other professionals and people in your immediate circle. Things will get better, stay encouraged.