13 year old black male in inner city with adhd. Who can help him?

[grannycares]

I have a grandson 13 years old diagnosed with adhd when he was 6 finally put him on medicine at age 12. His behavior did change in school but his grades are poor. We’re thinking of high schools I just don’t know where he will fit we’re average income and can’t spend a lot. He won’t talk to any counselor so far. I just don’t know how to help him with his education

[bdhb96]

I know you have to be very concerned about his education at this time, but I would stress that his mental health is even more important. And is more of a baseline issue to address first. He can’t do well in school if his mind is not calm and focused. The other thing I’d say is that for a young person developing their self identity, the many years of ADHD experiences, poor grades and the negative self image that develops, and the generalized anxiety that it all causes as a byproduct Is a triple whammy. It doesn’t matter if you have good grades if you are unable to function.

Finding the right match up with a counselor and prescribing medical provider can be key. It may take several people before you find the right match of personalities so that trust can grow between them, hopefully over many years time. He needs a solid consistent adult trained in ADHD and other mental health conditions. Someone he can speak with outside your family (very important for a teen). It can take a year of appointments to even open up honestly. This person should be gentle but also give them careful pushes at the right time.

It’s taken years to get to this point and it will take years to get beyond into a more stable situation for him. Unfortunately there’s no easy solution to make things easier for him.

Meanwhile, celebrate the small victories along the way or you all will get burned out very quickly.

Good luck to your family. You can get through this but expect turbulence through the next 5 years. It’ll get better!

[Janice_H]

What city does your grandchild reside in?

[grannycares in reply to Janice_H]

Cleveland Ohio

[Pennywink]

I'm sorry to hear that & understand your concerns!

Have you talked to the school or implemented a 504 / IEP plan at school? If not, that would probably be a good place to start. Hopefully some other members here can speak up on advice about this if needed.

And sometimes it just takes awhile to catch up on all the things they missed before they started medication.

[grannycares in reply to Pennywink]

He’s had an IEP since first grade he’s now in 8th sometimes they really don’t help the child. The over worked staff uses the intervention specialist as a teacher. The intervention specialist didn’t see his ADHD as a real condition he said he just needs to try harder. This situation has cause division between his grandfather and I he don’t think nothing is wrong with him just need more discipline. I’m concerned about him getting shot by police who will see this big angry black male and won’t take the time to understand his condition or age. After all I live where Tamir Rice was gunned down by anxious police at 12 years old. So I need help. Real help

[ChristinaR1967 in reply to grannycares]

I understand your worries and concerns. Having a disability is hard enough, but worrying about racial and societal concerns is even more scary. Living in Cleveland, there should be some African American groups, educational groups that can help. I'd check with your board of education, your school corporation. I'm hopeful they have some programs for "at-risk" kids of color, in particular boys. I wish you all the best. My son is a boy of color and I face the same worries that you do , along with ADHD. I pray and wish the best for our kids!

[grannycares]

I’ve had him in the Young Marines program he’s always in sports. He had drum lessons he goes to church his uncle spends time with him. It’s been so difficult because I am a Pre school teacher with a house full of books and strategies I just couldn’t understand why my grandson had so much difficulty reading and didn’t like school and is so argumentative and hard to make friends. He does not cooperate and always argues. He use to steal and lie he still does occasionally. He’s like no matter what I do he just won’t give it a try. I feel so overwhelmed I go to an IEP meeting every year and I feel it’s just a waste of paper and time. I’m still looking for a counselor his medical will cover and he will actually talk with. Just venting

[Onthemove1971]

Sorry I am late to conversation.. it is great news that you are doing things for your grandson outside of school like drum lessons and sports. Many children with ADHD struggle in school. I wonder if there is a coach at school that can help him more, like take him under their wing.

As far as grades are concerned, becuase he has an IEP there are 2 things that are written in 1. Accommodations- these are things like sitting up front, frequent breaks, etc.. I am hoping these are written in for him. The 2nd thing that can be really helpful are Modifications- these are only do even math problems as long as you get it and can show the work for understanding. Do you know if he has any of these in his IEP?

I am not sure when you say "poor" grades if you mean not passing classes. We want to make sure he can pass classes.

Also, when you day medication.. do you mean something that helps him focus? Also something to help him stop his impulsive behavior? Both are really necessary. This would be my next step if you don't have that in place.

As far as a counselor is concerned is there a psychologist at the school that can help you guys?

I know this is heart breaking, but contuine to love him even with his struggles.

Hope this helps.

[grannycares]

Poor grades are Fs and Ds, he will not be able to play on a school team because of grades. I always have signed him on to neighborhood leagues or the YMCA. He’s currently on VyVanse which has helped with impulse and focus. But what is lacking is motivation and his accommodations and modifications are not helping him learn. With so much medications is anyone concerned about long term side effects. High school is next and I want to explore options

[Onthemove1971 in reply to grannycares]

Thanks for answering these questions. It sounds like you are satisfied with the medication he is taking. What do you think about him seeing a counselor at school to see if they can help. This psychologist can also help re-align his IEP goals and services. The IEP is just the framework for " equaling the playfield".

The question needs to be why are his grades so low and how to support him. Would you be willing to ask for the psychologist's help? See if they have suggestions.