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[Karnalie76]

I'm struggling with my 6 year old that is diagnosed with ADHD. He doesn't listen, he talks back, tantrums and the school is having problems with his attitude also. When you say to him not to do something then he goes out of his way to show he will disobey you. He really drains our energy. Please help.

[Onthemove1971]

Karnalie76

Welcome to the group. I am not sure when your child was diagnosed with ADHD, but all of the things you mentioned are classic signs of having ADHD. Have you attempted things like thearpy? Have you thought about medication? It would really helpful if you set up a educational plan, which will help the teachers to better understand and help high him. It also helps to read some of the previous post to help you learn how to deal with the behavior. The sooner you start these things the easier it will be on home and school.

Best of luck...

Welcome to the group..

[LL_Mom]

Sorry to hear of your struggles. I would definitely get professional innervention. Is he seeing a therapist for support? Have you been offered any parent coaching because being the parent of a strong-willed child with ADHD will require very strong parenting strategies to bring out the best in him and help you keep your cool and deal with the stress. Also, have you looked into CBD oil? I began giving this to my child about 2 months ago and it’s helped her better manage her moods. She’s also exercising (dance and ice skating 5 days a week) and regularly seeing a behavioral therapist. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

[Mmagusin]

Sounds like he’s developing oppositional defiance which is a comorbid disorder with ADHD once it becomes a regular pattern. You need to get ahead of this else it only gets worse! My advice: You MUST retake control of your home. My kid had severe ODD. The biggest contributor was his anxiety & confusion about his status in the family. If he’s like my kid, he just needs certainty & to know you’re in charge. So first, set up 3-5 simple & measurable house rules & consequences for not following. Make sure you’re COMPLETELY aligned with your spouse! Misalignment is a killer. If you become misaligned, debate it in PRIVATE. You must always appear to be a team even if not. ADHD Kids have radar & are masters at divide & conquer. Explain rules when your kid is calm & get agreement that this is the new way. Hang it on the fridge. I suggest you pick the 5 most important behaviors you want to change & FOCUS on those. Ignore most other behaviors if possible. Ours are: 1 Be respectful (no aggression), 2 Clean up after yourself, 3 Homework & Tasks are done before play (especially video gaming). PICK YOUR BATTLES. Do not address every smallish behavior. We stopped battling over bed making during the school week because just getting dressed, breakfast, & in the car is a massive ask for ADHD kids. Just work on basics! He WILL test you! When he does, the most important thing is to show you are CALM & CONFIDENT, never angry or frustrated. Simply point to the house rule he’s breaking and say, ‘your choice, do it else the consequence’. Say it as ‘matter of factly’ As possible. He’ll call your bluff for at least a month before he takes you seriously. He’ll cry, scream, sass, swear, maybe hit & spit. Ignore it all. Don’t pile on more consequences. HOLD FIRM, weather the storm & most important, don’t debate it with him. Leave room if you must control urges to ‘talk it through’. If you are feeling emotional or frustrated, I would also take a break to gather yourself. He needs to see you confident, because the root of this is likely anxiety as mentioned. Is he taking medication for ADHD? If severe enough, it really is part of a holistic treatment of a real biologically based disability. I can share more on how we’ve dealt with certain scenarios if interested. It’s a long & difficult road.

[StressedmomwADHDboy in reply to Mmagusin]

My son is 7 year old with severe ADHD. He is always defiant but lately his ODD is getting worse. He is on medication since he was 6 and sees therapist every week but we don't see much improvement in his defiance. Both my husband and I are running out of ideas how to apply the right consequences for various behavior issues (disrespectful, not getting on with routine tasks when asked to, running away, throwing things, lying or not admitting to his wrong doing, etc). I know I need to stay calm but it is so hard sometimes. It would be great if you can share some of your parenting strategies. Thanks a bunch in advance!

[Mmagusin in reply to StressedmomwADHDboy]

We didn’t have much success with individual therapy. Spent thousands. What really helped was taking a live course on parenting ODD kids. We took this through a counseling center near us. It was nice because we were with other families struggling with the same issues. The thing is, since you can’t bring the therapist home with you, it’s really not helpful. You & husband need to become the therapist!. Actually, if you can think of yourself as that in the heat of these moments, it really helps keep you calm & not take it personally. Recognize that even if your kid learns new coping skills, it’s minimally helpful for an unmedicated ADHD kid because they lack the ability to access those skills when they’re crashing. That’s where your skills are needed. We also switched medication protocol & this helped. Our son is a fast matabolizer so we give him a 10 mg dose of Focalin first thing in the morning, then he gets a 15 mg extended release capsule at 9am and another at 12:15. This keeps him stable through morning and school. Now his witching hour is about 5:30. He gets rude, edgy, impulsive. But we try hard to understand it rather than react to it. It’s important not to react negatively as it feeds the behavior. I admit, we screw up a TON, but when we’re on our game, it works out well. If not, we set ourselves back.

[Janice_H]

You are not alone! This is what most parents of children with ADHD experience. One of the members on here shared a Youtube video about parenting children with ADHD. It is a 2 hour video, but when you find time you can watch. It really helped me understand why my son has trouble with following directions, misbehaving and over-reacting with tantrums. I will see if I can find it and forward it to you later today.

If you have not considered helping your son with medication, it would make your home life much more calm. He can also go to behavior therapy.

[Janice_H]

Parenting Children with ADHD (Youtube video)

youtube.com/watch?v=YSfCdBB...(Not working as expected?)