After 2 weeks of helping my sick 11 yo son, I had a mental break down in the car on the way to work this morning.
During his bouts with sickness, he tends to be agitated by small things, loses his temper, cannot follow directions and is downright rude. I have taken 2 days off work to tend to him and have been left feeling completely exhausted.
The house is a wreck, dishes are piled up, trash overflowing, laundry waiting. My son griped about not having clean under wear to put on. There was no food cooked and no time to shop for groceries. Everything just seemed to boil over today and I feel like such a failure at being a single mom trying to do it all by myself with no support.
Thanks for reading my post. Just venting. It is so incredibly hard.
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Janice_H
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Oh my gosh! you are NOT a failure! And dang it, you are entitled to your feelings and your breakdown! this is HARD! I'm a single Mom too and I swear to you there are days when it just feels like I'm losing the battle and it's never going to be ok, days when I feel like my daughter is just completely unappreciative (most of the time) and days when I just want to say forget it, I'm not doing this anymore, I give up, she'll probably be fine and I just want to sleep and not deal with this at all anymore!
Did you know that there are actual chemical that get released when you cry that help you feel better?
HUGS. Have your breakdown, we all need them. And why is the car the best place, that's normally where I have mine took, mascara running down my face, other drivers looking at me like I'm all weird and stuff....
i wish i lived close to you... i would come help!!! we ALL struggle with trying to keep up. and we tell our friends to not let it get to you, but IT DOES!! most days i feel like a failure too! and i'm NOT a single mom!!! so a HUGE pat on the back to you!!! i feel these kids need our love and help. and it is OUR job to take care of them. many don't always see that but you sound AMAZING!!!! you put everything aside and took care of your baby!! you ROCK!!! me and my ADHD brain... i have started 4 things and can't get back to any of them. so see... your perfect!!!
Thank you!!!! I have thought of looking for a single parent network where people offer to come help with cleaning, cooking, errands and babysitting. Just haven't found the time to look for help.
Janice_H- thank you for sharing this with us. I know many of us (including myself) have done the same thing. Just remember our low times make are highs feel so much better..
I can tell you the number of times we have been there also. But I have good news for you, you to will raise up and tomorrow will be a better day.
Once things get better maybe try to change one thing, like try delivery of food one night a week (maybe Friday) just to treat yourself so you don't have to cook. Or invite a friend over to help clean with you...find something to do for yourself to help you.
I am grateful for so many kind people like you on this website, and especially for your tips and support. I will try the food delivery once a week to lift my load.
I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you . It is ok to cry we all did it on a hard days. I can tell you are a fighter, give yourself big credit. You are already working so hard but you are a human.
One day at a time, try not to think of what you didn’t do but think about what you got done.
Make a list of what needs to be done and when are you going to do it . Once you put it down it might not seem as bad.
You can vent anytime ,we all do ...again we are only humans who are trying to do it all
You are definitely are fabulous mother!! You took off work to tend to your young! Down right shows love and concern for your child! Have you ever tried soup and sandwiches? Just a bowl of mac and cheese? P&J or Ramen noodles? Married people house look the exact same way. But you are blessed to have an extra 2 hands so when he's feeling better he can take out the trash, you wash he rinse the dishes, and you can show him how to wash his own clothes( put the bleach up!) I had a horrible experience with my 12yr old son😅 I laugh about it now but I wanted to wash him when he put a little bleach in his colored clothes to make them cleaner. You got this! And it's good you finally cried I bet you felt better! Don't stay sad over something you can change. Have a great weekend
Hi Janice_H, it is perfectly normal to feel like that. You are doing the best that you can and more, and I thank you for having the courage for sharing your feelings with us . I can tell that you are a caring mother doing your job: loving and caring for your son.
You are not alone, there are some CHADD local support groups for parents. You can check them at CHADD.org / Find a local chadd. Hopefully there is one near by your area and you can meet more local families for support.
We are not strangers . We share the same pain and that what make us each other family. One day I would be crying my heart out on a difficult day and one of you will give me encouragement and support like you always do. You can count on that. Meanwhile pat yourself on the back you are doing your best and you are a great mother. Never forget that.
Janice, it's o.k. I've been there several times and also seeing a therapist. We desperately want to do everything possible to help our children succeed. We're also very emotionally invested which means we're physically and emotionally affected 24/7. Take time for yourself. Schedule it. Mandatory.I see a mixed disorder manifest in my child . My child is also bewildered by it. Hugs to both of you. You can do it a day at a time.
Thank you!!! I am considering seeing a therapist. I have tried talking to family and friends but they just don't understand and say that my son does not have ADHD and I should not be medicating him.
So I have so much new having moved to a new state and my daughter starting middle school here. A switch went off in my head that set off a sense of urgency before her graduation. So now I am full time getting help to get her situated to grow I honestly could not be as productive as I am now and work at the same time. So. She is my full time job. It is a job every ounce of my live is pressed to do right. But good lord it is worse than thankless. So that said I finally found and saw a therapist. Luckily we were a good fit right away. I ended up in her office for an unplanned 90 minutes the other day (my first appointment). It was so good to feel heard for once. I only wish I did it sooner and she and I agreed that at this time we are going to meet twice a week. Honestly in the past I have only ever done therapy when I have Ben outright told to by other doctors. Right now though? I could see her daily and it would feel good to me! So for the time being at least, my advice is to look for a professional listener. Go for it!! No commitment so you can’t lose. Xo
I am a single mom to an 11 year old son with no support also, and have definitely been there. When things get especially hard, I try to take a deep breath and remind myself that things will get better, but it isn't always easy! Hang in there. Hugs to you.
Oh my lord I wish we all lived close to each other. Because each one of us has times that we need to just plain click out and quick. And I have been feeling (as I stay home alone all school day in a new state with no human contact) that having more time is worse in a lot of ways. I am so wound up in figuring out what in the gd world there is that I can do to help my daughter whether it’s in school at home or with meds. And don’t get me started on my husband. And my “marriage “. I have truly never felt so overwhelmed and alone and angry like I am failing no matter which step I take. Sorry to tag on with my own problems. I just wish so hard we could all live in one crazy community together.
You must feel so isolated. I understand about having to organize your daughter's life. It seems that is all that I do. My existence is handling my son's health, medications, education, etc. You are not alone with feeling overwhelmed, alone and angry. I can relate completely!
Sometimes you just need a good cry to hit the reset button. You’re not alone. One day your son will understand and appreciate all the times you helped him and never gave up on him. Hang in there.
You are doing a GREAT job. There are going to be so many challenging days, and I'm so glad you have reached out on this forum. I love the idea of of getting food delivered once a week. I have a big problem with being an "over-achiever." One thing I've had to do is set a list of 10 things, and if they all get done .... it was a great day. I also sometimes realize that there are some days if I only do three of them, it was a good day. I've learned I need to give myself some grace as I conquer each day.
I'm an over-achiever too. It's like the more I get done, the better I feel. The problem is that I am usually exhausted because of everything I have done.
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