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ADHD Parents Together
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Principal is not his pal

My son has just turned 11 yrs old. He has been on Adderal for his ADHD and ODD for 4 years now. I received a call from him crying telling me “I would rather die than continue going to this school where all the teachers hate me”. His principal told his babysitter than I am neglecting him because I will not put him on more medication for his “emotional issues”. My son sees a therapist and his doctor once a month. I am a single mother of 4 and I work long hours. This principal has a lot of nerve to tell me how my child should be medicated. I can’t win, if he has several good days it is unrecognizable to them. He is provoked a lot by other students and has outbursts. However, the provoking students go unpunished when my son retaliates. He then turns his frustrations intl angry outbursts because they simple dont want to hear his side of the story. I am at a loss.

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I am so sorry, I know it is hard. I have a 12 year old that is having such a hard time in school right now as well. He has ADHD and OCD as well, and I feel like his good days go unnoticed as well. He is also provoked by other students and feels as he is being targeted because of his disorder. I feel bad as the principal states in an email that his mental disorder does not give him the right to be disrespectful and disruptive, and forgets that his disorder is not an excuse for others to target him and provoke him either. Honestly is not about having a right or not its about what they need to do to help him. Your not alone 💕 I am also a mom of three boys and work a lot. I know is tough

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I feel lost mostly becAuse I see this wonderful child who I love with all my heart, yet he is ostracized for being short tempered, impulsive and for having outbursts. i also see him hurting. He NEVER cries, like ever. But he cried that day because I was crying and said “mom, I’m so sorry. I just wanted to defend myself and I feel like every one here hates me”. I want him to get better. But I dont think he needs to be so medicAted that he isnt himself

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I agree, and honestly medication is not always the best answer. People who think thats the only way are ignorant. Sometimes some medications can actually make things worse. I intentionally stopped a medication Sean was taking because it was making him more angry and making things worse. Sean is starting Brain balance today, it will be his first day and they are a holistic approach that does not use medication. I will post my reviews on it if you want to be on the look out for that. God bless and stay strong! Let me know if you want to stay in touch I can give you my info. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone that is going through the same thing.

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Thank you so much

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Let me know how the brain balance works. I’m going to enroll him in the summer🤗

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O my God that sounds just like my 5 year old situation. I see the school teachers and administration judging me as a parent, but they have no clue unless you have a child with these kinds of behavior.

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It seems like there is no solution, I have 3 other children who have no behavior issues at all and my two boys, Evan and Ty are Irish twins. They are the same age for 4 days. Ty is sweet and considerate but also very timid. Evan is the Yin to his Yan. Evan just acts impulsively and Ty can sometimes be there to mellow him out.

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I'm sorry that you are going through all this... I have recently gone through similar situation and it's you against EVERYONE. My son was recently expelled from school because we wouldn't give him more medications. Since it was a private school they can basically do whatever they want. The principle medicates her own child and thinks that every adhd kids she encounters needs to do the same.

Stay strong, your son needs you on his side. I know how it can feel being so alone in the moment, just know you are strong enough. I wish I can do/help more, hugs.

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This principal doesnt like me too much. I told her “last I checked you were not a doctor or a psychiatrist so please dont try to tell me who to treat my son”

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No way can they force meds. They're trying to do the same with my son. Read what I have linked below (Hope it works). Keep advocating for your kid and make sure you take some time for yourself ie go to the gym. Walks. Meditation...

understood.org/en/learning-...

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I agree that people have the right to not medicate but sometimes it is worth a try. I also did not want to medicate and I tried others options instead: Neurofeedback, naturopath, counseling. I ended up trying meds after those things didnt work and the meds helped tremendously. I was so against meds but ultimately I wanted to help my child be successful and thats what helped. I'm not suggesting you medicate at all here just don't rule out any options. You son is struggling and all he wants is help. Just because you try it doesnt mean you cant stop if its not helping. Your son is also getting old enough where you could ask him for his input. No one wants to go through life feeling the way he does. Keep an open mind and best of luck in whatever you chose. We all just want the best our kids and want to make the best decisions for them.

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I too have an 11 year old son with ADHD and anxiety disorder who is struggling in school. He also calls me crying because he hates school and has actually been told by a student that his ADHD will kill him. What is that? I had to finally go to the district office and demand that something be done as my son also told me he would rather die than go back to school. They just do not understand how hard it is for a child with ADHD and they think that he should just be able to control himself. His teachers tell me that he is in 6th grade and should be held to the same standards. I agree but the way he meets those standards is different. I constantly get phone calls from the principal telling me that my son said hurtful things to another student. Come to find out, it was in retaliation to the student for bullying him. My son is also on medication for his ADHD and for his anxiety and see his therapist sometimes more than once a month. I feel like I am the one telling the school what should be done instead of them being able to figure it out. I am an elementary school teacher with a BA in child development and it really is not that hard to help a child with ADHD. Sorry to hear that your son is struggling too. It is so upsetting for us as parents to hear that our child feels like dying because of school. Hang in there and remember that you are your child’s advocate and take it to the district if the school will not make the changes to help him.

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I dont think they understand the magnitude of their words. Evan will say “I would be better of dead”. I know he doesnt mean it, it is one of many coping mechanisms for him but the school takes it so literally, I’m surprised that he hasnt been hauled off to a hospital by ambulance. He just doenst have those emotional skills to really vocalize how he is feeling. I wish there was someway I could make his day better. He has a social worker at school that adores him and takes him under her wing. The principal is just too authoritative, she needs to be more understanding and kind. He doesnt need someone barking at him, a hug may make him feel better. When he gets really upset and angry I hug him tight and tell him I love him and ask him if we can just lay down until we can calmly talk about what happened. It takes about 15 min but then he opens up and tells me how it all started.

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I have similar principal issue. I will now only meet with school with district dir of student services. I have asked to see all of their policies related to mental health, how any perceived incident handled and escalation policy. In conjunction what is their bullying policy.....when my child is picked on. I am not above calling the other parents when i can weasel name from my son. Also find out who in your state education office can intervene if no district level resolution....and tell the district you next call is to file state discrimination claim. ....not about liking me, about educating my child in safe, supportive environment.

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Joining the wrestling team in middle school helped my kid (they don't pick on the kids wearing wrestling jackets) , as did medication. Now he wants to be off both the team and the medication -- he is 18 and it's really his choice. Exercise helps a lot. Omega 3, we found, was about 30% as effective as Ritilin for our boy when he was 7. My kid also like social skills day camps - especially the expensive one not covered by Kaiser. Wrestling and Judo should really be started by age 9 - the risks of fungus and injury are a hassle, but if you find a good coach it's great. Cub scouts in our area was also good for kids with ADHD. We quit because I thought it wasn't worth it if one-on-one friendships were not being made, but I see in hindsight that was probably a mistake.

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By the way, there is a documentary on Nextflix "The Mask You Live In". It's worth a watch.

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Oh thank you! I’ll check it out

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