Mom help! Please...my superhero tends to lose it and change into angry hulk whenever he’s told no. Literally the word no is a big trigger for him. But he is going to have to learn to work through he’s anger with being told no. Any tips? Also he’s been pretty disrespectful lately a lot of “word vomit”, I hate yous, I don’t like you and just loss of respect and control when he’s angry with me and everything is my fault not his I ruin everything in his eyes when he’s angry. Again any tips? Man typing this out is hard to be honest I feel like this sounds soo harsh and like I don’t know what I’m doing. Yikes... 💔😔 but I feel like I’ve tired so many different things I’m also a preschool teacher and learned a lot gone to parenting classes and stuff for adhd but here I am I need your help friends!
Explosion over No: Mom help! Please... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
Explosion over No
Same with us..we have a 5yr old, so we play a word game almost. "I understand you want that, we just can't do that right now". We try and not use that word. Sometimes lately though, he will ask for something and I will say "No" and he will try again and then he will just say "Ok"..he's learning, but wow it's rough.. Hang in there!! Following for other advice as well.
Thank you! My son just turned 6
How old is your son? What treatment is he currently receiving?
Early bedtimes & making accommodations at home for executive functioning weaknesses has helped us a lot with our 6 year old.
Role playing & talking through situations during neurtal times has helped. Also, trying to give choices or alternatives instead of constant flat out “no” when possible.
Finally, I handle emotional outbursts differently based on what the cause is. ADHD does invoke emotional dyregulation - so if he’s just upset / out of control, I just try to help him calm down. If it’s disrespectful, then I ask him to restate things kindly and ignore him until it happens.
Thank you my son just turned six on the 26th he is taking the generic for Kapvay
Ah, the terrible “no” word! The only thing that’s worked for my daughter who is nonverbal and uses a communication device is redirection. To be honest, it doesn’t always work but it sure helps! Little kids don’t like being told “no” partly because they don’t understand “why.” I try my best to avoid the word “no” and simply direct her to something that we can do or have. Recently it’s been this certain toy that we have to visit EVERY time we go to the store. Every time I tell her, “That’s a good toy to ask Santa for, Christmas is coming up really quick!” Because she does understand the whole Santa thing. Recently she’s been pressing “cookie” on the iPad a ton, and we’ve been saying “We’re going to have a cookie after dinner” instead of “no we’re not having a cookie right now.” It’s all about how you word it!
I know a ton of mama’s out there truly appreciate your honesty about this topic. I always thought my child was just being bratty but that’s so not the case. They have such huge emotions. 💗
Yes - absolutely! Trying to find more positive / empowering ways to phrase things is so key. It can take some practice, especially in trickier situations. Also, depending on the circumstance, if I can draw the reason why no to something external or to one of his choices also helps.
Examples: Let’s say I need to say no to screen time.
“Not right now, but perhaps we can do something else fun. Would you like to (option a) or (option b)?”
“If you finish your homework, maybe you can earn a little extra screen time for later.”
It takes patience & doing it over & over &over, but it can get better.
TiffanyLorene- I have learned over the years our son is 12 years old that I don't often say no. I allow him to negotiate (which happens with everthing). He will often present his side, I really think "today is this the hill I want to dye on" if not we find a happy medium. If I need to standstrong, I always try to explain why it's No.
For example, we don't allow our son to have a treat every night if he has had one over the weekend and he asks (he always asks, he loves sweets) we ask back did you have one last night? What about the night before.. this helps him to realize he has had to many and he usually accepts it without an issues. We find that works much better than a simple, No..
We always look for ways to prevent war.
Hope this makes sense, if not comment back and I will try to problem solve with you.
Best of luck.
Here’s my advice: NEVER and I mean NEVER give in after you say no. No. means. no. Don’t argue with him. Don’t negotiate. Completely ignore the protest. Do not show that he’s getting to you. It’ll get worse before it gets better. It’s especially hard when it Public, like a store and he’s melting down in front of all those judging eyes. Ignore them too!! Give it a month and I promise the Hulk will be cured.
Here’s my advice: NEVER and I mean NEVER give in after you say no. No. means. no. Don’t argue with him. Don’t negotiate. Completely ignore the protest. Do not show that he’s getting to you. It’ll get worse before it gets better. It’s especially hard when in Public, like a store and he’s melting down in front of all those judging eyes. Ignore them too!! Give it a month and I promise the Hulk will be cured.
TiffanyLorene
Here’s my advice: NEVER and I mean NEVER give in after you say no. No. means. no. Don’t argue with him. Don’t negotiate. Completely ignore the protest. Do not show that he’s getting to you. It’ll get worse before it gets better. It’s especially hard when it Public, like a store and he’s melting down in front of all those judging eyes. Ignore them too!! Give it a month and I promise the Hulk will be cured.
I went through the same thing. Please find and read this book to him:
I Just Don't Like the Sound of No! My Story About Accepting No for an Answer and Disagreeing the Right Way
Letting my son know when something IS ok or WILL BE happening has helped a lot. That has been the biggest key for us. Screen time is a good example where this helped enormously. Another approach I use js explaining why if it’s something that would always be no. If it’s an always no - like something that just wouldn’t be allowed for us - I like to turn it to a learning time and tell my kids there are at least two reasons why, and ask them to guess them. Eg no dessert for breakfast? That wouldn’t be healthy for our bodies. And there are at least two other reasons, what might they be?
It's not your fault, kids don't come with instructions. A few questions, how old is he? Is he the only child? Was he "spolied"? Without me knowing any of the answers I feel you need to come to him and act like it's something very serious- important you have to talk with him about. Be at home, have his favorite foods get a earse board. And tell him about the word No even mommies have to listen to the word, but since he's not going to be a kid all his life and one day he's going to be a daddy you want to help him get threw his hurt feelings of the word No. And explain it might be hard at first and he gets points on how good he handles the individual situations and when he reaches what ever goal you set you gets something special good luck!
Consistency is key. I respectfully disagree, however, with the idea that this issue will be cured after a month. Children with ADHD have executive functioning deficits, which means that learning about cause and effect takes place over a long period of time. Add emotional reactions to the mix and it complicates learning. Stick to your guns with your no's because there are going to be a lot of no's in life that your child will hear.
ADHD Kids get hyper focused on one thing something if you tell them no that throws them into a meltdown.
My daughter dealt with this when she was a kid and her 2 boys do too.
When they have been stable on their medication the word no hasn't caused as many problems.
Both boys also see a behavioral therapist to help them deal with inner control
8 year old son with ADHD, anxiety, depression, ODD
Advice for 6yo and severe meltdowns after meds wear off 
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