Our son was diagnosed at 5 yo with ADHD and we decided not to medicate at that time. He is now 8 and we are at a loss he can’t perform in school academically and now it is showing socially with his friends picking on him. He says he hates his life and nothing seems to make him happy
Does anyone have any guidance as to if medication helped or other things to try?
Thanks
Your situation sounds very much line mine. I am the parent of a 31 year old who was diagnosed with ADHD. I learned late in life that ADD or ADHD is a "garbage pail" diagnosis for a wide variety of things. Your child may have allergies, or need an evaluation by a neurologist before being considered for medication. A child psychologist may help with the obvious deterioration in friendships and academic performance. Have you written to your Special Education Department of the school district and requested a Special Ed. Evaluation? It is free and you can get some good services in the school if you fight for them. Schools, and school nurses and even, I'm sorry to say, School Pyschologists just want you to drug your child so they can push them through and so they won't be behavior problems. You are your child's first and greatest resource and advocate. As someone who has been through this, and as someone with a B.A. in Psychology, I wrote, illustrated and self-published a book on Amazon.com, CreateSpace.com and possibly on Kindle, a book called "I have ADD and I'm Proud to be Me." It is told through the child's perspective on what it is to have this sort of disorder, have few friends, get picked on and left out and have poor grades and deteriorated self esteem and depression. It is about the slow evolution of this child, through family intervention, Special Education, possible medication and family communication, with love, positive reward, behavior modification and full communication and mutual understanding of what the entire family is going through - that leads this little boy to proudly say "I have A.D.D. and I'm Proud to Be Me." I hope my book might help you and your family. But that aside, you do have other books you can look for regarding behavior modification techniques in the home, psychological resources, hidden special education through the school district. But PLEASE, do not let the school district coerce you into drugs for behavioral purposes only. If a little medication makes your child sick and has no impact on grades and class participation, then maybe meds. are not for your child. Remember your own importance in your child's life and let your child know how important he is to you, as well as how loved he is. Best of luck to you and your family. Wendy Kirkpatrick
Hello, please get your son to talk with a therapist about his feelings. Children with ADHD often have difficulty understanding why they are different from their peers. They can feel like a misfit when in a social setting. Medication can help him with focus and attentiveness in the classroom. It is worth trying. Don't beat yourself up because you have to help him with his focus. All of us as parents of children with ADHD have gone through the guilt feelings when we decide to try medication. There are many options available and a psychologist can help you find the right one. Most importantly, give your son lots of love, attention and reassurance that he is an awesome boy. This situation will get better and you will look back with confidence in knowing you made the right decisions for your boy.
Thank you I needed to hear this my heart breaks for him😔
I have been there many times with my son. He has said he hates himself and is a dummy. His self esteem returns as he makes friends and does better with school grades. It is an ongoing challenge we are going through. Every day is a new adventure. I am praying for you and your son.
Thank you did you find medication helped?
Yes the medication helps with his impulse control and makes my home environment less chaotic. He is better at tending to homework and following directions also. There are some side effects depending on what medications are used. The side effects may or may not fade after time, but the benefits outweigh the side effects.
my son is 12 and has been on meds since he was 5. i didn't want to do it. but i can tell you... i was never diagnosed but i now take meds myself, and i truly wish they were offered to me when i was younger. it would have made school work sooo much more tolerable!!! i think folks that are hard and fast against meds are not ones that ever had to deal with this in their own heads. but every case is a bit different in my opinion too! sounds like you are on the right path!! your son is lucky to have you in his corner!! :)
I’m not advocating medication by any means. I just know that it has helped my son tremendously. He went from a shy kid playing by himself to having friends. He has a learning disability, so he has improved in all areas, as far as that is concerned. He went from not wanting to try and learn to ride a bike, to riding a bike, and begging for a skateboard.
We still have our challenges especially has he’s gotten older. The medication does have side effects, it’s not perfect, and it’s definitely not a fix. I heard 60% medication 40% behavioral modification, and driving home consequences for bad behavior. Lots of love and logic!!! Every day is different, and as a parent your going to have good days, and bad days right along with them. My philosophy is try to do better tomorrow, what can I do to make the situation better, and what can I take away from this. I beat myself up daily. I should’ve been more patient, next time I want to try this etc... if you decide not to medicate that’s your decision, and your business, not the schools. Only you know your child.
As someone who refused medication for my anxiety and depression for years, I truly hope you will talk to both a pediatric psychiatrist and psychologist. The psychiatrist can help you figure out what medications you want to use to help with certain issues, as ADHD generally has other diagnoses that come along with it. My son, for example, has horrible anxiety on top of ADHD and mild autism, so nothing worked before we started treating that. Medication will not be the only thing that helps, however; behavior therapy is also needed so he can learn to control his emotions on his own.
People are often so against medication for neurological issues because the symptoms are not as obvious. But you wouldn’t deny an asthmatic his inhaler, or a diabetic their insulin, so why deny someone with anxiety or depression or ADHD medication that honestly could be life saving? Society in general is getting better about recognizing mental illnesses as legitimate, but we’re still a long way from removing the stigma surrounding them. Good luck with your son. This is a great resource.
Thank you yes we have decided to medicate and do counselling. Yes agreed we cannot ignore what he is going through because we are afraid of the side effects of medication.
The nice thing about ADHD medication is that it’s fast acting, so you know within a day or two if it’s something that might work or not. And don’t get discharged if it takes several tries to find what works. My son has gone through 10 different combinations of medication while we found what worked. And as they grow things that have worked might stop working, so it’s important to keep in communication with the psychiatrist.
Marin - I can tell that you are terribly upset by your son's situation , but I would like to give you another perspective. I'm sure you've done your research and, by now, realize that ADHD is a true neurological disorder. It is listed in the DSM-5 manual for mental disorders and you can check the criteria for ADHD. I am sure that this sounds overwhelming to parents, and it is true that ADHD is a life-long condition for most people. But the good news is that there are a number of very good medications to treat the condition. While no one likes to put their child on meds, I can remember when there was only 1 or 2 medications for ADHD and neither of them worked very well. I have friends whose kids suffered for years, trying to get through school, keep a job, and generally trying to organize their lives. Most did not not make it through college and some didn't make it through high school. I'm sure you would not hesitate to put your child on medication for diabetes or hypertension, if he needed it. I realize that there is still a stigma connected to ADHD, but I am hoping that this will end as more and more parents like us bring ADHD into the light. Please consider medication for your son. I am certain that his life will be much better for it.
Both of my grandson's experienced bullying when not stable on their ADHD meds. If they were acting out in class, bothering other people while they're doing their work etc, that makes them stand out.
Both are doing pretty good now with a combination of medication and counseling. And are actually happy in school instead of miserable. They are in middle school so it's been a long road.
Our 7 year old son (2nd grader) was recently diagnosed with ADHD/OCD and we were at our wits end when we decided, after much prayer, and advice from people We knew had been through this, to put him on medication. It has been such a blessing for us and to him. I will warn you that everyone, including family members, will have their own opinion but only us as parents know what we are going through and what our child is going through and so this was the best decision we ever made for our child. He is on a medication called Cotempla XR which dissolves under the tongue and begins to work within an hour and then it wears off by the end of the day around for 5. We give it to him in the morning before school. His grades and his writing is so much better and he is able to focus and not get in as much trouble in school now.
Oh I forgot to mention also, our son sees his school counselor about once a week and is in the mentorship program where he has an assigned mentor who works with him which is helping as well.
Thank you some days you just have to know there is hope🙏🙏🙏
hi marin, i'm going through the same situation in school, I have not been prescribed medicine or intend to give him, but I think if things worse i would have to go to that extreme, I know is difficult dealing with this situation but we are here for you.. keep being strong and don't give up or your child talk with him.
Thank you yes such a tough situation. We started concerta yesterday and we are already seeing improvements
I completely agree with WendyKirkpatrick, the school wants them drugged and quite. For my daughter they want her drugged so that she ill be controlled in their uncontrolled classroom setting. I did decide to put my daughter on medicine but then spent 2 1/2 years fighting for her to get an IEP or 504 any resources, to no avail. We live in a congested urban district in New Jersey and my daughter's school is one the lowest rated one in the district. They have been terrible at helping her even with me killing myself trying to advocate. I ended up taking her off the medicine, both my daughter and the school was forming a dependency on her being medicated versus her learning and practicing the appropriate tools and skills. Since she test above grade level and has good grades they had been using that as a reason not to provide resources even though she was constantly having behavioral issues that was affecting her in the classroom and socially. Now I am dealing with the school calling everyday about her behavior, anxiety attacks or whatever else happens that day that she fails to come home and tell me. However after a month of having to deal with an unmediated child they have given no resources too they are finally starting to budge with providing resources. It is sad that their hand to be forced in this way.
ADHD can be a blanket diagnoses but it is also very real for those that do have it, like my daughter and I. However I learned that meditation has helped me and I am working on it with her. Yoga and Tai chi has made a great difference for her. I would suggest having him checked medically to rule out any contributing factors also and mineral or vitamin deficiency he may have. Those with ADHD tend to be low on Vit Bs, magnesium and have issue with melatonin regulation contributing to insomnia and sleep issues. Diet and sleep issues along with exposure to TV/video games/computers (feed impulse control issues and shorten attention span) play a factor. I would suggest reviewing the Behavioral Analysis and investing different cognitive/ behavioral treatments to compliment talk therapy. Also look at what supplements and minerals can be given to aid him prior to putting your child on a drug that is the same as Speed and a lesser version of cocaine.
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