my son has met girls who take advantage of his impulsiveness and kindness. He settles because he just wants to be loved. He does not have any friends. They have all moved on and got married. He is so insecure he believes this is all he deserves. They talk down to him and financially he feels he needs to compensate. Hard to get him involved in anything as he works 2nd shift. As a parent I can not sit and let these people do these things to him. Breaks my heart. Thankfully we have an appointment soon for ADHD medication. I have racked my brain as to how to help him because when I say anything there is a big blow up. He defends them. Thinking I’m close with the one now taking advantage of him. Praying someone is dealing with the same thing where we can support each other. He refuses therapy.
Adult son keeps settling on people in... - CHADD's ADHD Pare...
Adult son keeps settling on people in his life who take advantage of him.
HI I have a 17 y/o boy with same issue and he's on meds, he tries to buy friends and they let him down, he has adhd, bi polar and ocd. I personally believe a good deal of the problem is codependency and the need for positive self talk, which he does. I see some improvement, but very little and he has a lot of fear, of everything and nothing. I would have your son learn that "responsible actions build self esteem".i'll pray for him!
East Islip NY 11730
335 East Main Street
East Islip NY 11730
335 East Main Street
East Islip NY 11730
I thank you so much. What is the positive talk? How did you get him to do that. My heart goes out to you. We have an appointment on Thursday for medication. I’m praying he takes it and it helps. I am trying to convince him to volunteer with animals or something. His schedule makes it hard.
I really appreciate you opening up to me. As parents we have to support one another. My prayers are with you and your son.
positive talk is all over the net. search positive talk. i ask him don't you want to get better? and i push him, gently, usually. I remind him that its a process and give it time. its little by little. my son uses the serenity prayer "God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference" all the best...Steven
It’s great that your son does work. And also a big step to get appointment and look into taking ADHD medication as an adult.
Does his girlfriend work? Do they live together? In what way do you think that she is taking advantage of him? I’d say many of these things he needs to work out for himself, whatever you’d say he probably won’t listen. Also, knowing let’s say from my experience with my MIL- she probably at the beginning of my relationship with my now husband also thought that I was taking advantage, as I was a student and wasn’t contributing to bills, he was paying for everything because I had a small bursary.
He has always had great work ethic. He lives at home.. I am the type of person I will give chances. Well those have passed with this relationship. No she does not work and has no goals. Tried talking about helping her get GED and even help get her a drivers license. Anytime I bring that up it seems like I am talking to a wall. It’s money every weekend on going out to eat, going shopping and shopping online also getting nails done. Also, she talks down to him. Makes me mad and I say so. Sad thing is , is he has been through this before. Not the first time. Ive have had many say he needs to figure it out and learn from mistakes. Took forever but eventually he was done with the first one but was in debt. Now here we go again with this one. I tell him all the time you don’t have to settle. Find someone who will work with you to build a life. Not someone who will drag you down. I would totally be ok if it was like your situation. You were bettering yourself. Life is to hard now a days. Well these holidays were horrible. As hard as it is I may have to let him figure it out Again. I have been an emotional mess.
I thank you so much for your response. I pray those who criticized you now respect that you are bettering yourself along with building up a life with your husband. Well wishing to you both
I am really sorry that it’s a pattern with your son. Maybe you need to be tougher and make him move out from your house? I’d say everything I have seen with my life as a young adult many many years ago, and with so many other friends etc who were a bit slow to take off properly on an adult life, it always helps to be kicked out of the parental home. It may sound cruel, you may think that he will be spending most of his wages on rent etc, but this will allow him to cut the cord. At first he will be cross maybe or maybe shocked but you have every right to do it and it will be truly to help. Life is long, and eventually he will get there even if in his 40ies…
Because as you say- it’s invasion of your life if you have this person there in your house, not in employment, not wanting to do anything with her life. It looks like she needs some ADHD assessment herself…
He has been out of the house with the first one. This is definitely something I am considering. A lot of this is probably my fault as I have tried to help him catch up from the last one. He does save his money when he is not with someone. I have started to charge him $300 a week for rent. I didn’t do that prior to this current one because he was saving. I told him this weekend he will be treated like a renter. You are right though it may be better if he is out of the house. She does not live with us. Also told him we will not help him in any financial situation. This sucks because I Love him so much. Again I sincerely appreciate all the input.
I know it’s difficult for you. I have a similar situation where my aunt hasn’t done these necessary steps with her daughter and it only got worse and then it’s harder and harder to get independent. From all I know- you need to physically not be near him. He needs to live on his own, tough luck if he then can’t save etc. At the end of the day probably in the future he will inherit something from you. But now- he just needs to be there on his own. Also then you won’t have to see what the girlfriend is doing or not doing, because she won’t be a frequent visitor to your home.
And if you need some company in the house you could take a true lodger- advertise, interview people and have a lodger, but not your son as a lodger.
Yes she does need on medication but refuses to do so
You are so correct with this statement. I will work on that. I have been the problem too as far as doing for him. It’s been a conflict I have had with myself due to his disabilities. As much as I want to be there he does need to learn. He was on his own with the previous one and ended up in major debt. Guess that did not teach him. You are such a kind soul and I thank you so much. You are in my prayers also
I have found that the more you criticize a girlfriend, the more they want to defend them. My daughter tried to break up my 17 year old grandson with his girlfriend. Instead it caused a split in the family where he lives with me now and she doesn't talk to either of us.
Six months later he's still with girlfriend.
This is true too. At this point we have said go be with her but we don’t want to be around her. I will not enable someone who has is taking advantage of him. I have to put my foot down as far as her coming to our house. Thing is this is not the first time. It was a few years the first time and he finally realized it was not a good situation. I’m just praying this is not years worth.
I will pray for your families healing.
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