Hi! New poster here. I'm really struggling and would appreciate any advice.
My son was officially diagnosed with ADHD in college. I believe he's probably had it since he was a child (around 4th grade it reared it's head.) My husband didn't want him labeled, medicated, blah blah blah. He takes Adderall.
He's very angry. He likes to vent, starting with the fact that we gave birth to him with out asking him. Ruined the first 21 years of his life, all of them really.
My son's "self diagnosis"" is CPTSD (we traumatized him with our parenting), RSD, executive functioning issues (his apartment is a toxic dump site. I hired a cleaner once a month when he first moved in (as we are on the lease) but then that was cancelled a month or two later (too stressful for him to have someone there.) Then, I tried to go clean once a month. I don't think it's been cleaned since last July, my last attempt at it.)
He had a job, but he had difficulties with his boss (authority figure) from the start. He was fired 2 weeks ago. He hasn't looked for a new job, signed up for unemployment, none of it. He's done basically nothing, but sleep, eat and play his games. Computer games are his ""self-soothing"" mechanism. IMHO.
He has some money in the bank and plans to live off that until he's homeless - maybe 6 months?
He doesn't want to help himself. I had him take a consultation call two years ago with an ADHD coach. The coach basically told him that he couldn't help someone who didn't want to help themselves. (sadly true.)
I tried to get him to talk to another ADHD coach this week, he said no.
how do you help someone who desperately needs help, probably knows he needs help; but is so angry that he feels like there is no help. Just plays the victim card.
Thanks in advance for any suggestions!
I’m sorry that you both are struggling. It is so hard to see our children suffering no matter how old. Would he be open to seeing a psychiatrist for more accurate diagnosis and a therapist for help? Not an ADHD therapist—that doesn’t sound as much the issue right now—but one for his anxiety and depression which sound crippling. This may be way off base, but could he be on the spectrum? I ask because of his getting fired and his anxiety in having someone in his home to help clean. Pragmatic language issues affecting perspective taking are often misunderstood as ‘defiant’ or questioning authority. RSD is also sometimes an ASD comorbidity, especially in those who do not get early diagnosis and treatment. The difference in ‘treatment’ is pretty huge depending on the source of the problem. Depending on the help he needs after diagnosis, there are a number of support groups and agencies he might be able to use. Vocational Rehabilitation and Independent Living Resource Centers are two good options in the latter category.
Thank you for your response! I will ask him about seeing a regular therapist. I'll also look into VR & ILR Centers. I've not heard of those before.
I take 10mg of escitalopram each day which has significantly reduced my anxiety, anger issues and depression. I also used to take 30mg of Adderall XR daily, but it exasperated my anger and anxiety issues, so I switched to Vyvanse, which works even better than Adderall with none of the horrible side effects.
thanks silvercharger, I appreciate the info.