Help

[Matzijoe03]

My son will be thirteen in about a month. A cousin of his recently told me he expressed that he felt he may be bi. I am not sure how to approach it. I've read that kids with ADHD develop at a slower rate and so he is at the developmental stage of a 9 year old or so... I'm not sure how accurate that is? If that is the case though he shouldn't be thinking about that yet? I'm so lost I'm not even sure I know what I'm thinking! Help!!!

[Onthemove1971]

Matzijor03- Thank-you for bring this discussion to the group and being willing to discuss it. I am curious if your son is seeing a Thearpist and can discuss this with someone other than family? For our son who see his therapist often, he discusses many things that children face, one of them being relationships with the opposite sex. During these sessions, I am there to learn and discussion things I find important. This might be something you could explore if you have not.

Best of luck.

[Matzijoe03 in reply to Onthemove1971]

He isn't seeing one yet, however we do have an appointment next week and I think this is something I'm going to request. Thank you!

[MomOfAMermaid]

Hi and I am so glad you made this post. I admire your courage. I am glad you have a therapy appointment to provide you both guidance and support. I encourage you to wait and let him mention it to you. I encourage you to also talk with a friend or your own therapist to determine your feelings about the possibility of your son being bi-sexual. If you have bad thoughts about it, start your journey of acceptance and support.

Of course some of us know just know about our attractions and then others of us learn about our identity through experimentation. I cannot express deeply or passionately how important it is that you reassure your son that you he is your beloved and you are here for him always. I am suggesting that not just about his sexual identity - but about all of his being. Our kids are just so special and I am sure you agree that they deserve complete love and acceptance. The reason I am so passionate about this is because I identify as a lesbian and am married to a women. My daughter has severe ADHD and sensory, and I want her to tell me who she is (her identity) and that she is beloved that I am always here for. I wish you all the best!!!

[Matzijoe03 in reply to MomOfAMermaid]

Hello, your reply brought me to tears. I thank you for your kind words. I have always thought I'm considerably open minded about things. But I just felt blind sided by this. I will always, always accept my children with open arms. I just honestly didnt think we would hit any of these life turning moments until a bit later in life. I have always talked to him openly. It never crossed my mind that he might be feeling this way. In hindsight it almost makes sense how withdrawn he was for a better part of last school year. I've told him endlessly that I could never put into words how much I love him and his siblings but somehow I'm falling short. It just feels like I'm failing him miserably.

I will surly take your advise and reach out to my own dr about a referral for a therapist.

I wish you all the best with your daughter as well.

Thank you again.

[MomOfAMermaid in reply to Matzijoe03]

Hi again, please reconsider your thought that you are falling short. I disagree. Selfblame is powerful, hurtful and counter productive. Ease up on yourself to realize you are perfectly noticing his cues and compassionately seeking support so you are equipped to support him. Your love and compassion are shining through!

[Matzijoe03 in reply to MomOfAMermaid]

Thank you so much, you made me step back and put my negative thoughts in check. I have as of this morning reached out to my dr to take steps in the right direction.