Try to find help

[Kacey2790]

I'm a sexual assualt survivor and my son is the product of this, he is now 6 and struggles alot at school with aggressive behavior learning problems and getting along with others. I do not at the moment have custody of him because for a while after he was born I got into drugs to cope with everything, but my parents have him and I'm at there house 5 days and nights a week. My family blames me for his issues and I no I'm not saint I no I cause alot of pain and hurt on my son that I can't fix but how they handle him breaks my heart spanking yelling all the time. I just want to know what approach other moms have for the "bad" behavior? I'm alot easier going with him I talk to him alot about what's going on how it made him feel and what we can do better together but being told I'm to soft on him he needs strick discipline and I don't believe it helps not to mention there are 5 adults 2 who have never raised children punishing him separately. Please I need so help and support

[Onthemove1971]

Kacey2790

Sounds like a lot to deal with. Have you and your parents gotten proper counseling to deal with what happened and how best to handle everything?

I would also think it best if he had someone helping him with you guys so everyone is all of the same plate with proper discipline. So there is the same message from you both.

Best of luck in dealing with everything.

[Pennywink]

I’m so sorry to read about your situation!

To echo what Onthemove1971 said, it sounds like some professional aid could really benefit everyone in teaching effective discipline strategies and life skills. I know therapists can be expensive. If that’s an issue, perhaps social services could help, or the school counselor or your pediatrician. Some employers also offer limited therapy visits for free each year.

As for how we deal the bad behavior, here is what has worked for us, though each family is different. My children need clearly laid out rules ahead of time, and swift (not necessarily severe, but swift) consequences, both swift punishment and swift praise. Praise has surprisingly showed much more affective for us - so we even try to praise partial steps or for getting under control after a meltdown. For punishment we use a token reward system and time outs - though if we’re in full meltdown, we first just try to teach him to calm himself. Since his ADHD includes lack of working memory, we have charts & signs & dry erase boards all over to remind him of rules and routines and what to expect each day. We also use analog timers to cope with his deficiency in time management.

I really pray you are able to find the help you need!

[anirush]

My daughter was on drugs when she got pregnant with my younger grandson. He has much more severe ADHD than his brother but doctor say there hasn't been enough studies to know if that's why. Both their parents were addicts.

My daughter is now successful and hasn't been on drugs for 10 years. We don't talk about it but I worry about the boys as they get to their teen years.

Counseling would be good so you can also talk about goals together