ADHD will be the end of my marriage, my children comes first...

[Charlie0231]

Being married to my best friend that I have been with for over 8 years & basically raised my son from a previous relationship from the age of 4, now 12, makes it unbearable to think that I might divorce my husband due to his inability to understand how ADHD affects my son. It has created such a void between us all & I am basically just wanting peace alone with my children.

[christelferrer]

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is very difficult not to feel understood by your partner. Raising ADHD kids is exhausting and for it to be successful, you certainly need both parents on the same page.

Have you consider family therapy? My husband and I did it for six months as I felt unsupported and always the one lifting the heavy loads. Ugly truths came out of it but my husband changed and made a great effort to be more involved with our son (we have 2 children).

Also, talking to people with kids with ADHD, often one of the parent is in denial and has a hard time understand adhd is not a cold, it is here to stay, it won’t go away magically. I asked my husband to watch Dr. Russell conference on YouTube, it opened his mind and forced him to understand what ADHD is. He is now fully on board and participate actively in making our son’s life easier.

Give a chance to your marriage, time and education on the topic may work.

Good luck

[Hidden in reply to christelferrer]

Thank you for introducing me to Dr.Russell on YouTube. Just had my 7 yr old evaluated by a psychiatrist. He said my son is on the spectrum but not sure where yet. He prescribed something to calm his central nervous system. Now that cannibis is legal where I live, has anyone ever tried CBD oil for treating ADHD? It does not get you high! The THC is removed. I saw a program on Dsteline recently and it works for treating seizures in severe cases. Research is just in its infancy. Very exciting indeed.

[nurse_nelly in reply to Hidden]

Following your post. I am wondering if CBD oil works as well.. And if so what brand?

[Hidden in reply to nurse_nelly]

Hi,

Not sure, there are brands at Major vitamin stores for kids, but not sure how well they work.

[MomOfAMermaid]

You are speaking about an experience that we have also had. Juggling your own possible initial feelings of undue guilt, shame and blame on top of making tough informed changes for your child can either draw a couple together or tear them a part. Parenting children that operate in a more typical way is exhausting, so when there is a child with special abilities, it can create an experience that few can understand (unless they have had the experience). I have learned that from a soul level my wife and I have lots of choices to make. Not only about ourselves, but we have lots of choices to make about our availability to be what our daughter deserves and needs. We have been thorough hell and back. We occasionally revisit hell, but then we re-member (reconnect ourselves) in what our true desires are - to be love and be loved. We have been through years of partnership therapy - and our new habits are more effective in partnering to work as a team. We are not perfect at it and daily we have the opportunity to practice! For today, we are ok. I do not know what the future holds, but I do know I have given myself and our family my best efforts. I encourage you to be true to yourself and determine what your best efforts are. FEEL NO SHAME in your decisions! I send you lots of prayers for peace and courage in your journey!

[reg2018]

Would it be helpful to know that boys with ADHD often treat their mothers different. Professionals don't know why this is the case, but it's true. What this means is that mothers experience their ADHD children differently than fathers do. It has taken years for my husband to even get to the point where he kind of understands what I've been describing about one of our boys and he still doesn't completely get my experience.

I echo christelferrer's recommendation regarding family therapy. I know it has helped my husband to have an outside source provide him with information that he otherwise wouldn't have read up on.

Another possibility is attending community classes or conferences on ADHD together. Some people are resistant to therapy and attending classes is a great alternative to getting information in a neutral way.

[Danseuse]

Charlie, please have your husband watch this video. Hopefully it will provide some increased understanding and empathy.

youtu.be/YSfCdBBqNXY(Not working as expected?)

[christelferrer]

Also, what helps a lot is finding a support group. We found one on CHADD website.

It feels so good to speak freely and be understood! I found that NONE of my “friends” (not sure if they are anymore) had the compassion and understanding I craved at my lowest point. Finding people who were leaving the same experiences and exhaustion from raising kids with ADHD helped me tremendously on so many levels. I am now confident in my parenting style and know that I am doing the best for my child. Other parents don’t get that classic parenting style does not work with ADHD and are very judgemental or offer “solutions” without even trying to understand or having the proper education on the topic.

[mvang03]

There is such wisdom here and parents who Know & have been where u r at. I am glad I am almost past this denial stage w/ my husband. It was such a struggle! He had to hear it from a professional, a CHADD meet up, and YouTube Dr. Barkley & Dr. Hallowell to actually Get It. When my husband understood he stopped teasing our son & felt more empathy for this child that needed care.