Blended Family whoas.

[Kfrost23]

I am a mother to a fantastic high energized 11 year old. He was diagnosed with ADHD about 3 years ago. I had a very hard time raising him. Something simple as socks and pants before I knew he had this diagnosis and ended up with a mental breakdown. His father and I are not together and his father is married and my son lives with them. Long story short I'm in a constant battle with them when it comes to punishing my son for certain behaviors. He gets worked up with homework when he cant figure it out and will get mad and refuse to do it.... punishment loss of privileges.... does not want to study for a test he has known about the entire week the day before.... loss of privilege ...attitude not remembering to bring something home. My son now hates school and I cant help but feel its because of all the punishment it causes. Do not get me wrong there are rewards for good behavior but this is not helping. I could really use suggestions on other ways to help him out. Thank you.

[Cjkchamp]

Check out the nurtured heart approach and see if his dad might be willing to give it a try. Continual punishment is not something that works for my son. It just gets him frustrated and angry.

[Kfrost23 in reply to Cjkchamp]

Nurtured heart approach? google it?

[Cjkchamp in reply to Kfrost23]

It’s an approach developed by Howard Glasses. He has a foundation. I was able to participate in a study.

[seller]

I agree that punishment for not doing school work will always backfire in the end. Will your ex-husband read about ADHD? Or could you talk with your son's school counselor and ask that person to speak with him? Is that a way that you could have more input into his schoolwork, such as doing work at your house? Do you get along with the new wife? If so, can you speak with her about this?

[Kfrost23 in reply to seller]

im in the process of a custody order to obtain 2 days a week to help him with hw and get more involved. Father believes meds and punishment will work but it has failed we received news from the teacher hes acting out not doing as hes told and disrupting the class and telling other students to look up pornography. (face palm) im at loss here!!! im hoping 2 days a week will help to fix this or at least minor it down?

[seller]

The correct medication will most definitely help....it just trial and error to find which med and the right dose. If your son is not on a stimulant medication for ADHD, he should be. School is so much harder for our kids without medication. Medication will help with some of the issues in class. You didn't mention if your son had an IEP or 504,but if he doesn't, he probably needs one. Remember he's about 2 years behind his peers with his maturity level, so he's functioning at about a 9 year old level. There are things his teacher can do to help minimize this behavior as well, but she has to have permission to do it. Perhaps you could call her to discuss this? I assume you are also able to get involved in school issues? Or can you have the teacher call your ex? You don't say how long you've been divorced...is there a chance your son is acting out because of family issues? The problem with punishing for something done hours ago is that ADHD kids often can't put the 2 together - any type of consequence needs to be pretty immediate. So taking away his video games or TV in the evening when he's acted in class 8 hours ago is not going to work. Again, I strongly advise a stimulant medication first and then you can get into the homework, IEP, etc.

[Kfrost23]

he does have an IEP and im in the works of getting that information. Dad was very manipulative in pushing me out, I have no idea what meds he is on but I will be going to the office tomorrow to find out what has been tried doses and for how long. I never gave consent nor was I asked I honestly didn't think that was even ethical. I was thinking of meeting with guidance counselor to introduce myself and get a feel for he or she. We have been separated for years nothing new but the way he talks to me or about me panics my son and gives him anxiety hes eager to please his dad for some reason I cant quite get a hand on it.

[seller]

I would definitely have a chat with his counselor and maybe even his teacher. Introduce yourself and let them know that you're willing to work with them to help your son.

[Kfrost23]

Do you think me involving myself in weekdays will be a bad thing in upsetting his normal routine. Is routine flexible for kids with adhd or is change sometimes a bad thing?

[Kfrost23]

I found out from doctor he is taking 30 mg vyvanse. only one they have tried and its where they started him at.