Parents at Odds

[DublTrublMom]

My 8 yo daughter is in the process of officially being diagnosed adhd, mainly inattentive (pediatrician did computer test and diagnosed her, but working with a psychologist to begin indepth testing for adhd and rule out learning disabilities). She has a huge set back in 2nd grade, especially with reading. She comes home every weekend with 8-10 sheets of classwork she hasn't finished in class. The teacher says she just daydreams most of the day instead of doing her classwork. Weekends are painfully hard trying to get this work done. My husband has finally admitted she has a "focus" issue, but feels she isn't doing her homework just "to show him she doesn't want to do it". He feels this is just her being stubborn. I disagree. I can no longer stand the screaming at her, the threatening her with punishment, it's so stressful! The pediatrician wanted to put her on meds, but I don't feel I know enough yet to agree to it and my husband is against meds completely.

Sorry, I guess this is mostly a rant, rather than a question. Anyone else out there that has a spouse you are not on the same page with?

[Angie365]

Not a spouse, but father of my boys. He disagrees/d with everything I do. He’s been absent for awhile now tho. I might suggest reverse psychology. You say she’s stubborn and may do opposite? Try to get her to do things with this tactic, make it seem like her idea. 🤓

[daemaitehn]

I am a father who was unsure for a long time. My wife finally pushed me enough and we took my daughter to a psychologist.

I remember hearing the diagnosis and just shutting down. I believed it, but did not process much. I began to learn as much as I could, and the more I learned the better I felt about the diagnosis. I used to think 'I think she can control this. Why is one day great and the next a nightmare?'

It took me time. I guess I don't really have advice, my daughter started teaching me when she realized how she felt and would say she didn't want to feel that way.

Not sure if I'm helping or not, maybe just that there may be hope.

[Nightangeldawnn]

My son was just diagnosed with the same- ADHD predominantly inattentive, along with anxiety disorder. My fiancé (who is not his biological dad) is completely against his diagnosis and believes that my son “can control himself he just chooses not to”. It’s extremely frustrating because I made the decision to put him on medications, and I had hoped that since this is what the Psychiatrist said would help that my fiancé would agree. Wrong. He doesn’t believe that these mental issues are real, and I mean for any kid. He has told me that he believes all of the disorders from ADD to autism are just because the doctors want to make money. I have been alone on this journey even though he was the one pushing me to get him in to see someone. I have been trying to get him to come around but I have my work cut out for myself. So at least there is one other family in your situation.

[seller in reply to Nightangeldawnn]

I guess I have to ask you why you would want to stay with someone who did not believe in mental disorders? I can tell you from experience that having a child (and especially a son) with ADHD can mean a long, hard road to adulthood. If my husband and I had not been on the same page through the teen years, I don't know where my son would be now. Anyone can experience a mental illness or disorder at any time during their life.....what would he do if you (or he) became depressed? Your son will need you to be his advocate for many years and having to do battle with your fiancé sounds like a terrible situation for everyone.

[andileemh]

Yes! We have long suspected that our 7 year old son has ADHD and my husband will admit that he likely was an ADHD child and still has symptoms as an adult, but he refuses to take our son in for evaluation. He is also very opposed to medication, which I agree with right now, but I really want him evaluated before he starts falling behind in school. My husband wants to wait until 4th or 5th grade to see if he outgrows it and I very firmly believe that that will be far too late. Our son is starting to have issues in school now in 2nd grade and I do not want him struggling for years and developing other issues because my husband want to wait it out! I'd love to offer advice, but I still haven't even figured out how to deal with my difficult spouse