Searching for answers!

Hello all. I'm new to this but in need of support. I have an 8 year old boy who as a baby was pure perfection. I was in love with this sweet boy. Things started to change, not at 8 I have been put through the wringer for years. I'm tired, sad, confused.. I am scared for him. We have him on meds ( small dose) and it helps a bit. Maybe this is more for me because most mornings I loose my mind and cry my eyes out. I don't know ... but with his behavior I have a really tough time. Sorry for venting- but I just need to know I'm not alone!

Thanks. Kim.

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  • Hi,

    You have a long road ahead of you (this is definitely a marathon not a sprint) so you're smart to seek out support! I wonder if maybe the reason you are having such a hard time is because you are grieving. Maybe that sounds weird since we usually only think of grieving for a death, but you can be in mourning for any kind of loss--and having a child with ADHD results in a lot of losses, like a loss of what you thought it would be like, a loss of "normal", etc. I think it's pretty common for parents of kids with ADHD to grieve; some move through it okay and some get stuck and need help. (if you're interested in finding out more, I wrote an article about this on my blog; website address below). Above all else, it's important that you find ways to deal with your "new normal". Some days will be harder than others but you can do it! But the first step is to take care of yourself emotionally.

    All the best,

    Joyce Mabe, Parenting Coach, website parentcoachjoyce.com

  • Yes. Yes, grieving is correct. I didn't think of it like that. I'm a hot mess for sure ... I do need to get myself together. Thank you

  • Thanks for the good words.Some days I feel like I'm going crazy trying to find ways and things to help me with my little girl.She's 3and hasn't been diagnosed but I know there is something definitely wrong.Up until she turned 2 she was perfect and then then I thought is was terrible two's but no I've never seen terrible 2's like this !She is very head strong and everything has to be her way or she has a terrible fit!

    Sorry I guess I'm venting I feel like I'm never gonna see light at the end of this tunnel.At what age do they start testing for ADHD?and who do we go to?the pediatrician I need to just deal with it until she's in school and they can start seeing how she does.....but I need something now...I'm going on 65 and my husband is 77 we're adopting my sons little girl and having her deal with this is hard for us.She's such a wonderful child but then she has these outburst!!

    I was just wondering if maybe you can give me some kind if direction.

    Thank you,

    Redhatdiva

  • I feel you! Everything you are saying. We took him to 2 Nuerologists ( wanted 2 opinions) and they both deemed him a classic case. I believe he was 3. Possibly 4! You work through your Pediatrician with Neurologists and possibly a Psychologist. They do testing. That is how we found out. See you her Dr can help you start the process. Keep me posted!!!

  • Thank you I'm gonna see what if anything he says or does .I may need to ask for the name of a new Dr.if this one keeps brushing it off.

    I will keep you posted She just had one of her meltdowns right now and I'm exhausted!and the day is still early!!!

    Redhatdiva

  • Yes, I picked my son up from school not even an hour ago and I'm already exhausted. It's such a sad battle.

  • We were in a very similar situation, and are raising our grandson who is 9 now. We also dealt with the “terrible 3’s” and that was when we went for counseling the first time. Your pediatrician can refer you to a counselor or psychologist. Age 3 is probably too young for medication, but I am not sure. I would highly recommend that you check into some behavioral therapy and parent education programs, to help you cope with the different issues you are having with your granddaughter. We were on a waiting list for one of those programs when our grandson was first diagnosed with ADHD, but we didn’t follow through with it and I wish that we had. We are still going through difficult things with our grandson, and it is a real struggle. You are definitely not alone, and I am very thankful for groups like this that offer help and support. Feel free to email me if I can answer any other questions for you at: nmr8177@gmail.com. I will keep you in my prayers.

  • Thank you so much.I thank you for your advice.I might just text when I feel over whelmed.

    Dealing with one of her meltdowns right now!And the day is young!

    Thank you

    Redhatdiva

  • It was the similar for us. Very easy baby. We noticed he was different as a toddler, but in a positive way. He was so engaging and gregarious even with adults at age three, people thought he was gifted. He'd talk to anyone and everyone. What we were really seeing was lack of inhibition and boundaries , a symptom. Later we saw issues with coping with being told 'no'. So he was not able to regulate emotions like others. Now at age 9, he still has all those very positive qualities, but when he's off, he's really off! He is on a stimulant and this works until it wears off. My advice is to keep exploring the medicines and above all, don't blame yourself.

  • Kim-you are NOT alone.

    This thread hits so close to home for so many of us. Please remember to keep yourself cared for-well rested, plenty of exercise, well fed as we are ultimately only in control of ourselves. (Easier said than done while caring for a tough kid, working, adulting, etc.) When our little ones are out of control, they look to us for the calm. Personally speaking, I can only be calm, rational and patient when I have taken my own needs into consideration. Our children with ADHD are trying to learn how to avoid blowups, deciphering what causes the tornado of big emotions and look to us to help them with it. The 'normal' way of parenting, disciplining and training simply don't work and often times exacerbate the situation, which can leave us parents feeling hopeless, angry, saddened and distraught. Reaching out to this forum brought some relief, empathy and much needed venting for me, I hope it offers the same to you.

    Our mornings were an absolute nightmare for YEARS. Then I decided to shower the night before, pick out my clothes and have my now 7 yr. old pick out his, wake extra early so that if things went south, we'd have time to navigate through the temper tantrum, and if things went well, we'd have time to snuggle and watch a little PBS Kids or walk/bike to school. It's not perfect, but having things VERY regimented and structured seemed to help him, and having plenty of extra time definitely helped me. Adding exercise to his morning (we walk or bike the 1.5 miles to school-or at least part of the way if time is limited) has also helped pull us out of the dark cloud that used to be our mornings. There are still tantrums, and fights, and days where nothing seems to be easy, but they seem to be fewer than before and for right now, for our family, I'll take it.

    Good luck mama! Coming from a place of love, patience and understanding is key to this journey. Seeking out more information on ADHD, books, videos and blogs are also a tremendous tool in turning from feeling powerless into powerful. I recommend 'Driven to Distraction' and 'The Explosive Child' by Dr. Ross Green, the "HowToADHD" videos on YouTube as well as searching Pintrest for ides on coping, managing behavior and nutritional adjustments that can help your whole family. We see a therapist and a psychiatrist and are in the midst of finding the perfect balance of medication, meditation and lifestyle to help our little guy.

  • I am have a 9 year old boy with ADHD, he is on the inattention side of things. Sometimes he has problems controlling his emotions, but for the most part he is a super sweet kid. He has so much trouble keeping track of things and doing class work, he continues to forget his homework on a daily basis and stuffs unfinished work in his desk, I guess thinking he doesn't have to worry about it anymore? I don't know what to do anymore. He is so disorganized and there is so much being demanded of him and I see him getting lost and overwhelmed and it makes my heart hurt! He is so creative and imaginative, and it is wonderful. It seems to get in the way of what he "needs" to be doing, the reality stuff. We are trying the homeopathic route as far as medications go, I think that eventually we will need yo explore other options,preferably before his confidence goes to crap.

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