I need help

[Lovemygirl]

I have been dealing with adhd with my daughter since kindergarten she is now 6th grade. She is a very goid student. She has a heart of gold. We are on Daytrona patches at this time and she focuses pretty well. The anger and out burst and pure hatefulness that she has towards her dad and I is awful and it is everyday morning and afternoon. We have tried counseling but finding one in our area that truly makes a difference is impossible WE NEED HELP! I feel like I am losing my girl. Please I am desperate......we are in georgia.

[walewyck]

I could have written a lot of your post; I certainly relate anyway. We are still trying to figure out a better combination of circumstances, medication, and counseling. Do you have a good child psychologist? Have you asked that person about possible other medications? I ask because one side-effect of the type of stimulant in the patches is irritability. It may be that some other medication would help her symptoms but result in a better mood at home. I'm also slowly, painfully, trying to read more about all of this. One book recommended to us by my son's psychiatrist is "The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind." I'm still in the middle of that myself. I also hear you about the difficulty in finding a psychologist that is available, that is someplace we can get to, and of course, who can help(!). We just had our first appointment with someone new who specializes in an approach called DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), which I understand is an "evidenced-based" approach. We are switching away from a practitioner who used largely play-based therapy, and whom our son also didn't end up really bonding with, since that doesn't seem to be helping.

[outnumbered1]

I highly recommend you and your partner try reading The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It was a life changer for us. Dr. Greene has a website too, Livesinthebalance.org, that explains a more collaborative, problem solving approach to kids with social, emotional and behavioral challenges. There are more resources on the website in case you don't have time to read the book, but I strongly recommend the book and then reinforcing with the resources on the website. I found this approach more helpful than any therapy or counseling we tried. Good luck. We've been there - and are sort of still there - but it's much better.

[outnumbered1 in reply to outnumbered1]

oh and also I would ask your pediatrician about other medication options and/orevaluation for mood disorder. Up to 70-80% of people with ADHD will have a mood disorder at some point, usually anxiety or depression. Treating the ADHD won't treat the mood disorder. Good luck to you and your daughter.

[Lovemygirl in reply to outnumbered1]

Thank you so much. Ordering it now

[Bentleysmom4]

I really can relate to you. My son is seven and I have been suspecting a problem with him since he was 4 . His outbursts towards his dad and I have gotten worse with age and he has started gettig outbursts with his younger brother and other members of our family. He is starting to struggle really bad in school as far as grades go. He is a good student and doesn’t ever go off on his teachers or friends like he does us and Home but is very unfocused and can’t concentrate on his school assignments. It’s so hard and frustrating not knowing what to do to help him. His doctor and teachers are helping come up with a treatment plan but i am just ready for answers and to understand how to help him.

[stacylteach]

Hello lovemygirl,

My son was diagnosed adhd in kinder also and is now a 6th grader too. Last year in 5th grade he was diagnosed with depression and started medicine and got with a great counselor. He’s doing much better now. I would have never guessed depression. Nothing tragic has happened in his life to cause, only thing is school. Continue to seek help and don’t be afraid to go to a psychiatrist, ours was very helpful!! Good luck!

[Klogans]

I empathize with you its rough ,I have a 7th grade boy dealing with similar struggles. After being off of meds during the summer now returning I see a big difference in my son. He's more angry now, more mouthy, just has seem to lost his sweet boy innocence and turned into a unruly,middle schooler I didn't think my child would ever be. He hates school , hates his father which 2 years ago was his best friend just has no motivation,no drive to do absolutely anything except play,and fun things which is driving me crazy. I can't plan fun things because he's constantly doing things to stay in trouble. Try encouraging him, rewarding him but yet he wants rewards even when he doesn't give his all. Its getting tough now because the work is getting harder and I try studying with him he pushes me away says I'm to hard in him, loses homework blames everyone. Its for sure frustrating. I'm in Georgia as well 😀 I'm looking into letting him talk to,someone because he's showing angry issues which he never has before . I don't know if its puberty, the meds my parenting style or what but you are not alone.

[Lovemygirl in reply to Klogans]

I know it is so hard. I hate giving meds but after a lot of research her dr and I decided to try a low dose of prozac because we feel that a lot of the anger is due to increased anxiety and frustration. I DO NOT LIKE THIS. We have gone through counseling many different ones.....no success. I just want my girl to feel good and happy with herself again. She is very active plays tennis and basketball and this helps a lot. Rewards do not help her at all and consequences well we have them however I do not believe it matters to her. I will keep you posted on how the prozac works.

[BWREN]

Hi there Lovemygirl. I am so very very new to this website, but I saw your post and immediately could feel every single emotion your daughter is going through. I am 30 years old and I have suffered with undiagnosed and unmedicated ADHD my entire life. I very distinctly remembering being in 6th grade and suffering from almost debilitating emotions especially anger. The littlest things would set me off and I would become intensely angry towards my mother. I always seemed to zero in on her and take all my emotions out on her. It was so hard for both my mother and I to have goods days let alone continue to bond. So I can truly understand where your daughter is coming from. It's wasn't till I was 25 years old that I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. Unsure exactly of the entirety of ADHD I decided I needed to educate my self. Being selective in the resources I learned a lot and I would like to share some with you. 1) ADHD symptoms do not present themselves the same in boys and girls. 2) Most girls go undiagnosed with ADD or ADHD till about 19years of age. 3) it is possible (actually the words used was "on average" and "most boys" but I think that could be interpreted as false hope so I'm saying "possible") for boys to physically grow out of ADHD. When the male boys matures and goes through puberty the testosterone being produced can actually counter the ADHD allowing them to grow out of it. This is opposite for girls. When the female body matures it makes the ADHD worse. So if a young woman has ADHD (depending on how severe it is) when she goes through puberty it can make everything worse. Which was the case for me. Which is why when I was in the 6th grade I had intense aggression and range towards my mother. The more intense ADHD is with a person the more intense emotions seem to be. There is a great podcast called "stuff your mother never told you". They did a podcast specifically on ADHD and women. It was incredibly knowledgeable and very fascinating. Try googling it and just listen it's about 30 minutes long and hear what they say about it.

[Lovemygirl in reply to BWREN]

Thank you so very much for your wise insight. It is so very hard seeing my daughter have to learn how to overcome and move forward. She was dx at age 6 and I being a nurse did my research however I as a mother 2nd guesses everything. I have my daughter on medicine for ADHD, meds for the anger, and meds to help her sleep. I feel awful about the meds and her having to take them however she says she feels good and no side affects. She is a straight A student and deals with this monster called ADHD very well. The anger was tearing both of us apart and we as a family decided for her to try a med for that. We have been taking it for about 3 weeks and she feels so much less angry.