At wits end

[Kcooper829]

My daughter is 9.5 and she was diagnosed last year with ADHD and severe anxiety. Not only does she constantly express fears of death and many other uncontrollable events. But, she is also very quick tp become angry, violent toward everyone in our home and ditructive to property. She says horrible things to us etc. Today she was kicking me, spit in her stepfathers face and was so bad that I had to physically restrain her so she would stop acting that way. She is not on medication and I'm trying so hard to avoid that. She can be an absolute joy to be around and I frequently receive wonderful compliments from people she meets and spends time with. I fear how much further her behaviors will go before they start to get better. Advice please!

[Hidden]

What you're describing is not acceptable. When she is calm, tell her that certain things are not "okay." Explain to her that hitting has consequences. Decide what that consequence is, and when she gets upset, follow through. You will have to be tough, but this is so important to her well-being! It is to easy to be a good parent, is it? Good luck!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I meant "it isn't easy to be a good parent, is it?"

[Kcooper829 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. We made it through the day, I'm not sure how. I told her I will no longer be treated that way and as a start I went the remainder of the day without doing the "extra" things that I typically go out of my way to do. She did not like it and apologized and said she will start appreciated and respecting me. This will be a long road, but yes with standing my ground we will see changes I hope. I plan to come up with some ideas WITH her. Consequences for certain behavior like you said. That way it is not only clear, but she is also a part of deciding what they are. Parenting an ADHD child is harder than I ever could have imagined. I would almost rather go through the physical pain of childbirth every day than have to deal with the roller coaster of emotions that this entails. Thank you for your response. Good to know that someone neutral is listening.

[Hidden in reply to Kcooper829]

I've been there! My daughter tries me, as well. You're doing the best thing for your daughter. It will make a huge difference in your relationship, I promise!!

[Deenice]

Implement a token economy in your home. Create a daily list of chores AND acceptable behavior where by she would earn one or two tokens for completing a chore or being kind and respectful. I use poker chips. At the end of each day you sit down with her and talk about all the good choices she made and/or how helpful she was around the house. Hand her tokens for each chore/behavior she accomplished well. Now as a reward she may purchase tv, ipad, video game time, or her favorite treat. Or make a treasure box with simple items from the Dollar Tree or 99 Cent store, then she can make purchases with her earned tokens.

For any negative behavior you'll want to specifically remind her of the unwanted behavior and how tomorrow is a new day and she'll probably have no problem earning tokens for that particular behavior. I have this in place for my daughter but her negative behaviors are in class. And I know your daughter is a little older but maturity wise ADHD children are a little behind in that area.

Hope this helps!

Denise Mix

[Kcooper829 in reply to Deenice]

Thank you for the tips, I was thinking of a chart with a point system but I really like the token idea. It will be better for her to have something physically in her hands like that. She has had issues with behavior in class every school year prior to this one and now this year she is finally able to control herself more in school and pay attention more. Her teacher says she is a pleasure to have in class and now she is actually enjoying school. No more morning fights with her having actual stomach pains and not wanting to go! I just keep praising her over and over about how proud I am of it. Although her behaviors at home have become worse now that she does have that control in class. Still, I am very thankful for it and I hope that your daughter will improve in class in the same way as she grows. It is a terrible feeling having them struggle in school.