My 14 yo daughter recently diagnosed ADHD with anxiety. I should have seen the symptoms sooner but the wheels came off 9th grade. She has always been well behaved at school but lots of social anxiety/peer problems. Now the grades took a nosedive due to missing assignments, and then there was an incidence of cutting, and that was the aha moment that made everything clear.
So now I did what I thought was the right thing. Got the official evaluation, a thorough independent evaluation, got her into couseling, and then had the 504 plan in place last week. Since the 504 plan there are teachers that are changing their attitudes about her. These are her extracurricular teachers that are most important to her, theater and choir. She excells in theater and choir. There were no reports of behavior problems in these or any other classes prior to the 504. Unfortunately we had started the stimulant and on the second day she had a bad reaction during the evening musical rehearsal. She had a hard time catching her breath and her chest felt heavy. She was just trying to sit and let is pass during the dinner break. This teacher assumed she was having a panic attack. He demanded that she call me to come pick her up, she tried to tell him "no I'm ok", he then started yelling at her, "call your parents right now!" "you're not safe to be here!" She started crying at that point and he yanked the phone from her and at that point I had this enranged man on the phone telling me my daughter was having a panic attack and that he "doesn't do this" He told me she was banging her head against the wall. She was having a bad reaction to this new med and so she was raising her voice at that point saying "he's exaggerating! That's not true" And when I arrived he admitted that no, she was not banging her head against the wall. She was putting her hands on her head saying "your exaggerating, that's not true" and crying.
And that is correct, he was exaggerating. He went off on her. She was unable to handle it at the time because I think she was having what I just learned is rebound effect so she raised her voice at him saying "that's not true". But he kicked her out of the play. Three days before the performance. She is devastated.
The point of this long story is that I think this wouldn't have happened if I had not put the 504 in place. They are all assuming she is "nuts" and treating her that way.
Have any of you found that having a 504 has caused more harm than good?
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pebblesmcgee
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Sounds very frusting..I encourage you to have a meeting wuth the teacher without you daughter. If you don't get satisfaction then get the principal involved.
It sounds like things need to be documented and delt with. Maybe there is a way to, explain that it sounds like a misunderstanding and maybe your daughtern can still participate in the play some how.
In order for the 504 plan to be put in place, there should be meetings and parents have to sign off on the plan. It would be good to put in place a plan of what to do if she gets overwhelmed again, just in case.
If the drama experience doesn't go as planned, maybe she could be involved with the choir.
Our son had a 504 plan and I also work in education with a number of kids with 504 plans. Believe me we did not always have things go our way in high school.
Does she have a case worker? Where I am (NY state) kids with 504 plans have an assigned caseworker that works with the parents and teachers on behalf of the student. I would be calling the caseworker asap and request a meeting.
I’m not sure if it’s the same in other schools but I have found the caseworker and on occasion, school psychologist excellent resources. (They may be the same person in small schools), if those aren’t an option, I’d be talking to the head of the 504 committee or principal.
I have 2 sons with 504 plans and they have been very helpful.
some teachers can’t handle a panic attack. That’s what this seems to be. With her that escalated it freaked him out too. I would talk to administration about how he talked to her. Also, have her try a non stimulant. I have similar ADHD and anxiety symptoms and what’s worked best for me is non stimulant with anxiety meds (stratera and escitalopram to be specific).
Im also a special education teacher, and so yes I have seen some teachers confused about 504s, but they don’t usually judge kids with one. Not saying it hasn’t happened, I’m just saying it’s not common. Usually when it happens, it’s because pressure put on by administration about it, not that they think the kid is crazy. Administration is more forceful with kids who have ieps than 504s because ieps can have bigger legal ramifications.
Feel free to pm me or continue chatting here if you have specific questions you have about all of this. Zen hugs to you and your lovely, empathic daughter.
The schools are very undereducated in how to handle a mental health crisis and so many of our children are on the edge of having one. The expectations do not have to be lowered but need to be changed for everyone. Schools, as well as parents have a responsibility to know how to manage an “emotional seizure”. They need to know how to deescalate situations and also know how to help our young people become good problem solvers. Your daughter didn’t need to have an expert, she just needed someone to help her to express her feelings and to guide the conversation more productively and compassionately.
Since the pandemic, we have all been compassion fatigued. It’s worth saying that one parent can change it for everyone if they look at the bottom line of any problem happening at school. This is how to competently handle bullying, how to really help students navigate the very emotional teen world, and how to solve problems collaboratively with them. If we teach our children these tenets, we produce a different young adult.
Make no mistake, you will be up against the school saying “You raise your kid, and we’ll teach them French.” Type of attitude. There are very good systemic models of school discipline that can be adopted. If we as the parents do not insist upon this being in place, no one else will.
504 is the statute in The IDEA law that spells out all of the catagories of disabilities. It’s been used as a short term plan for students who have disabilities and who need modifications in their daily school activities. This are not Special Education accommodations, and are used to just hold off on getting to a real legal contract as would be in an IEP. To me, this doesn’t address any concerns that are happening, in our children’s day to day. It’s just a panacea and a diversion from making system changes that would correct what is really going on. Our public school systems are still very substandard in educating, protecting and encouraging our youth.
Stigma is an awful thing. Rather than admitting they didn't know what to do, or ask your daughter what she needed, the teacher reacted and turned their ignorance and assumptions into confrontation and anger.
The sad truth is that this is why I never told anyone about my mental health issues until I had no choice.
All teachers need to be trained about mental health and stigma, and best evidence says this should be done by someone with lived experience.
1 in 5 school age kids have mental health issues. Work out how many kids saw how the teacher treated your daughter, how many know about it the next day, and do the math to figure out how many people will now struggle in silence rather than risk being treated the way your daughter was.
Your daughter needed patience, empathy and support, and instead got fear, anger, judgment and confrontation.
I hope your daughter has some friends at school who will reinforce the fact that she did nothing wrong, and the teacher, out of fear born of ignorance, did nothing right.
Meet with the teacher, and if it's legal in your location, surreptitiously record the conversation, because someone who reacts that way is likely the kind of person who will continue to be defensive and blaming and shaming rather than admit they were wrong.
Hopefully I'm wrong, and the teacher will realize what they did, learn from it and apologize to your daughter. Just be sure to not accept any word that comes out of their mouth that suggests that you or your daughter did something wrong.
If he doesn't know how to react to anxiety attacks (even though it wasn't in this case) its his job to figure that out.
I would call the school and request a meeting ASAP. I would also request that they immediately review the dismissal of your daughter from the play. Having a panic attack is not a good reason to kick her out of the play. It sounds like the teacher doesn't know how to handle panic attacks and he panicked. His reaction escalated the situation which triggered her raising her voice. She shouldn't be punished for that. As the adult, he needs to learn how to deescalate the situation either by calmly talking to her or giving her space to self sooth/regulate without judgement. Do you know of any specific things the teachers can do (or not do) to help your daughter if she has a panic attack? If so, ask that those things be included in the 504 plan.
Does your daughter have a therapist? My 11 yo daughter has ADHD, Anxiety & dyslexia. She was having major panic attacks last spring. We did about 6 months of talk therapy and the therapist gave her several tools to help her self regulate in moments of high anxiety. Some can be done very discretely. The other thing that helped was sports/exercise.
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