ADHD Parents Together
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Adhd is no excuse to pardon their behaviour

I.m a firm believer in that just cause they adhd it don't mean they get away with anything . Try and treat it child the same way as any other child. But also listen to them and their struggles. Try and do rewards at home for being good for a certain period if your child is naughty or hyper. Would also try and get them involved in outside sports or activity to burn off excess energy x

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My so doesn't 'get away with' anything. But punishments and rewards don't work for him. At all. He is aware when he's done something wrong. He sees himself as a 'bad boy' as an idiot. He hates his behaviour. But he cannot magically change it. He wants to. If we treated him like any other child he would be in trouble literally all the time, he would have no quality of life at all. We have to focus on the important issues, and let lesser ones go for now. So we have been working on stopping him hurting his brother. It's taken a long time, but we are getting there. Getting him to do less important things like sit still at mealtimes or to remember to flush the loo will have to wait for a while.

Nor can he burn off excess energy. He can go for a ten mile bike ride, and come home tired, but still be restless and needing a movement break a few minutes later. Still struggling to sleep at night.

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So many of us have heard people say our child is naughty and gets away with things that they shouldn't. But we can prove that our children are all so different with so many aspects of their condition that they can not be treated like any other child as what works for one may not for another.

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I actually am offended by this and am tired of people making general implications. I do not know where our country seems to think behavioral and mental health issues are not just as devastating as physical health issues. Just because you cannot "see" something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. For that matter clumping children to be treated the same is just plain ignorant whether ADHD or not but those with diagnoses indeed require additional time and guidance based on each individual need. I am tired of feeling shamed by others comments and or looks especially when the 5-minutes of observation is NOTHING compared to the 24/7 care provided by a parent. It is exhausting, frustrating and lonely at times but, as I tell my son, I would not change him for ANYTHING or ANYONE in the world; I love him just as he is!

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But when they do wrong and making excuses it's cause of their adhd does not help them either I wouldn't change my husband or son but if they do wrong then they get treated no different to my other kids. How are they going to learn if you treat them different they have a disability but it does not pardon their behaviour ,for us and many other parents I know their child has got better and not worse like some I see.

Can see it now a child/teenager badly hurt someone or wait a minute he couldnt help it he had adhd it's not a get out of jail free card disability,it's not a excuse for anything. They might not be able to help themselves on times but with the right help and determination it is possible to put ur child on the right path and not the wrong one .

Out of curiosity when it child goes off on one smashes it house or hits u do u makes excuses or do u punish them for what they have done wrong even though they couldn't help themselves . No matter if they couldn't help it they have done wrong and need to know that they have and get the punishment for it . Believe me I know what happens when a parent makes excuses and does nothing that child now a young adult been in fostercare children's homes and prison twice already since 18 he's also dependant on drinks and drugs that person lives in my street is mum as done nothing but make excuses for him all is life he's turned out a great person hasn't he I don not want that for my son . We do not let adhd rule him and our doctor has praised us for how we parent him and done a brilliantly job from being constantly called into school to never being called in I think for me it says it all .

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I've been reading the book, Taking Charge of ADHD, and I think the most valuable mantra it has taught me is remembering that my son's condition is a disability. He desperately wants to control his outbursts. In the middle of a tantrum, he will shout, "I want to stop, but I can't! Help me be not mad!" And it breaks my heart. But it's a clear indication that he's not doing this to be obnoxious or hateful or hurtful. He's doing this because the chemicals in his brain are making him do things he can't control--ie, disability. He's working to get better. I should address this strenuous effort through rewards and reinforcement. In addition, I need to consider why he's having a tantrum. Is this an ADHD moment? Or is he being five? Very rarely is he "just being five."

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Okay I think your trying to say that behavior needs consequences, if so your right. But consequences does not and should not always mean punishment. Kids with ADHD need even more feedback then other kids. Their disability means they are always one hundred percent in the moment and not considering future implications or lessons from the past. So let's give them the feedback and direction they need. However keep it positive and productive. The good news is that parents make a big difference in how their kids turn out. But that doesn't mean you can change their very nature.

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