Am i the only one ........or Is it just me ?

[BarebumJock]

Hi , i am new here,My wife had a stroke 6 years ago,and i became her carer, i continued to work for 2 years before i realised i couldn't do both.So i became her full time carer.after a few years of 24 hour 7 days a week care, i managed to get her into a headway group for 5 hours once a week.This was my " respite " time.Which i used doing household chores,shopping etc.we dont have friends anymore and i rarely see anybody i used to work with,i find myself missing the banter and discussion and the stimulation of fresh conversation.I dont regret being a carer and i love my wife dearly, i sometimes feel a bit lonely.So my question is,Does anyone else feel like this ........or is it just me?

[Realfoodieclub]

My husband had a kidney transplant two years ago before this I can totally relate to how you are feeling. Being a carer takes a lot of out of you sometimes both physically as well as mentally. I know when it was really difficult I made a mini gym in our spare room and tried to have 1/2 hour a day if I could where I did whatever I wanted. For me the thing that helped me was a mini trampoline, I would put my music on and bounce away and just for a little while I left my troubles behind. I do think anything you can do to give yourself some you time benefits both of you ultimately. Most importantly take care of yourself. Rfc x

[Huddy56]

Yes my husband had a severe stroke 3 years ago at only 63 im his full time carer too it’s hard I live to go on holiday it’s the only thing I look forward too but I feel guilty going because he can’t but I feel my life is passing by. I feel lonely Tim is confined to a bed as he can’t stand or sit on his own he is usually ok but has a degree of brain damage and says hurtful things sometimes it’s very hard

[BarebumJock in reply to Huddy56]

i am lucky that my wife can walk and talk but she had terrible damage to her memory,i feel for you

[Happygirl8]

Hi I’m also a full time carer. I find it can be tiring but also rewarding at times. I do suggest you must not feel guilty asking for help or feel you have let anyone down. If you use your time shopping and doing the chores that’s not really you time and it may be worth asking for a few hours help that way you could charge your batteries ready to care again. All the best

[BarebumJock in reply to Happygirl8]

Thanks

[suryakaizen]

Hello! I saw your post 3 days ago and wanted to reply right away but I was traveling and did not want to send a routine sympathetic reply. Gosh, 6 years of full-time caring and a respite once a week to do shopping!! I was my daughter's full-time carer for 1& a half years 2016-17 when she underwent treatment for breast cancer. I recall how demanding it was to do the numerous hospital visits, housekeeping, the shopping and cooking according to her diet, my own work (as she had stopped working for a while). There were days when I could have done with some help, but as you know, often people stay away in such situations so you just cope. Music was a great energizer, as also reading, and talking to friends on the phone. There is no substitute for face-to-face contact with people, but these helped.

I am all appreciation for the kind of love and service you have for your wife. As other friends on this group have said, do ask for help - at least for someone to sit with your wife while you take a walk, have coffee with a friend or read a book in the park. You'd think people will understand and offer help, but nope, they need to know you need help. This is a big cultural no-no in the West where self-reliance is so valued. Take care, big hug to you.

[BarebumJock in reply to suryakaizen]

Thank you, wonderful words x

[UnfitNoMore]

I took very early retirement to look after my wife when her condition flared up and didn’t go away and became her carer for three years... then a new drug worked... she got a job and I work a little bit, and from home. I know where you’re coming from, we lost most friends over those years... I don’t miss them now though... and running is making me new ones... but full time care can be a lonely life. You made the greatest decision though, love is all we need.

[BarebumJock in reply to UnfitNoMore]

Thankyou , spot on !