Thought I was OK - now crashing

I have long-term dysthymia, interspersed with major depression. At New Year, I felt I had real insights into why my depression took the form it did - intense suicidal thoughts, and felt as if I had been given keys which would do away with it for ever. This last couple of weeks I've been really slipping, with a strong desire to self-harm and, today, a great envy for those killed in various ways, My hobby is, in fact, giving rise to even more problems in various ways and I'm really crashing.,

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  • My reply is very personal and have sent it to you privately.

  • Missrat, I am sorry you are feeling so low. I've never had the urge to self harm & I don't feel I'm able to help you in that area. I have had the suicidle thoughts many times but ITS am fairly sure I would never act on them. I've seen the devastation it causes to a family I know &I could'nt do that to my son or Mum & Dad.

    I feel you should really go speak to your Dr about how you feel. I don't know what Dysthymia is? I will google it. Please speak to your Dr & get help.

    Good luck & take care, even ring Samaritans or Lifeline.

    Jackie

  • Missrat, I also have long-term dysthymia with major depression. Just getting through basic everyday life has always been a huge struggle but lately I have been in a darker than normal place and have frequent thoughts of suicide and also self-harming which has never really crossed my mind before. I am sick and tired of feeling the way I do and just want out. I also feel guilty feeling the way I do when there are so many worse off people. I have a house, enough food to eat, am healthy physically but an absolute mess inside.

    I am dreading my son leaving for uni in a few months. As if this isn't bad enough I will need to move house as the house I'm in is jointly owned with my ex-partner so will need to be sold when my son finishes school. I don't think I'm going to be able to cope with these life changing events. I have no family (in another country) or friends nearby. I just feel so lost, so helpless, so scared and so alone. My life has crashed out of control.

    My son is away at the moment and I became hysterical yesterday. Sobbing uncontrollably and seriously contemplated taking an overdose. The thought of him finding my body stopped me. But, I don't know how long I can go on like this.

    I know there are so many in the same boat, it is a pity we cannot get together and support each other in person.

    Ziggy x

  • Not got anything to add, except to say I know only too well how you are feeling at this time.

    Been there, done that, still here, just.

    I wish I could say more.

    You know from experience that if you tough it out for a few days the real bleakness will eventually lift a little and you will be able to go back to getting better.

    It isn't easy to see it, but you hold that little bit of reserve that knows it is true.

    As Ziggy says, we are all in the same boat and we're all in it together.

    We're here, we may not be much help, but we're here.

    x

  • Hi everyone, just reading these posts helped me. I too have been there and done that, I never self harmed, Firstly you are not alone, Talk to your GP about your feelings, I live alone, and sometimes, find it very hard to keep going. I have no family support, but I love Art, painting watercolours, and Photography, these keep me going, and I love writing too. The best advice I can give you is to try and get out of your situation, go to a coffee shop relax, and people watch. Have you tried Mindfulness, I find it has helped me and one of the best books on Depression really helped me too. Maybe you could get your hands on it, it has a CD with it, and there are breathing and Mindfullness excercises in it. Some only take 5 or 10 mins, and really helped me. Its by Tony Bates " Coming through Depression" . I hope this helps you, and I send my hugs and caring to everyone, be kind to yourself.

  • Ziggy - that sounds like me. The thought of someone finding my body, plus the impact on forum friends keep me from suicide.

    I dabble in photography and Photoshop Elements - have a lot of new rat pictures to download. I also have some Mindfulness files, and will go back to them.

    Very worried at present as there is still no sign if my escaped pet rat. My health issues don't help, either.

    Thank you all for your support,

    Ann

  • Oh dear Missrat, sorry to hear about your rate. Any sign yet?

    I used to have a rat as a pet as a child - they make lovely pets. Unfortunately, it developed a cancerous tumour and had to be put to sleep.

    I have a parrot, cat and 2 rabbits. They mean the world to me and I dread to think if anything happened to them.

    I have been feeling very, very low of late...suicidal even. Funny enough my GP actually cheered me up when I went in for a review of my medication today. Normally they can't write the prescription fast enough to get you out of there but he actually took the time to hear me out today. He could see how emotional I was. He said I should try CBT and try looking on the bright side of every situation instead of the negative, which is what I always do. He used the forthcoming sale of my house as an example. He said I should remember the house for what it was and look forward to moving somewhere even better like a small cosy cottage.

    I am hoping that I will beat this dysthymia one day.

    Take care x

  • I'm sorry you are still so low and hope that you can get CBT arranged to help. A lot of it is to stop feeling guilty when a certain elderly bully has a go at me. Pain is also a problem, and I'll be glad when my pain clinic arrives in April. (Sorry my typing id bad becase of visual side effects'

    I have 25 rats. Sparkle shows up occasionally, but has no intention of being caught - little horror! She's black and curly, but stlil new. I'm involved in showing and organising, but th9is has duped me in the horrible world of politics,

    Take care

    Ann.

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