Hi... So I'm new here, I was googling around and stumbled upon this community. I'm not sure if what I feel is depression and I've never been officially diagnosed. I don't get it all the time but when I feel what I feel, I have no idea why. The best way to describe it would be like a wave. It sort of randomly washes over me every now and again. I don't feel low every day but I do 60% of the time. It's like I just want to go into a pit, or perhaps I'm already there. I feel inexplicably sad and lonely, to the extent I can no longer breath; to the extent I don't want to. I've considered how easy it would be to die, although I would never have the nerve to commit such an act, it does cross my mind often, and the thought of my family dissuades me. The world seems to go grey and the cloud above me black. I just feel so low. I've self harmed once before but the relief I felt was never the same as what I felt when I cried for a good few hours. It's really strange, it comes on without a trigger, without reason, and it just completely engulfs me, and I feel like I'm back in my hole, once again.
Does anyone else feel this? Am I the only one? What could it be?