My medications were increased twice in two months by my doctor. My second increase just happened last week. And just today I feel something is different. This evening I felt like I had taken a Lozrapam /Ativan type of pill. But I had not. I had a numbish tingling type of feeling I normally only get from my anxiety medication- except I had not taken anything except my regular prescribed daily pills. I am on two different kinds plus another fir anxiety.
I don't know how a I feel about it. I mostly work every working hour I have because I sleep almost 12 hours most days. I just have been feeling sentimental and pensive. Like maybe when a person has a few drinks and they look to their past and reflect on love and life- kind of thing. I am not normally like this.
It is like I hit some sort of solumn acceptance of what it means to be alive. But much more so a solumn acceptance of what I can expect in romantic love relationships. Then illusions are exposed and the cold facts just lay there undeniably. I am not upset by it - more like just nod my head in acknowledgement.
Having all my energy zapped is one of the reasons my doctor increased my medications - yet I am still sleeping just as much. The difference is I want to nap away all my free time. Whereas before my medication increases I would be napping reluctantly thinking there is things I should be doing instead. Not now. As soon as I get out of my bed to go to work in the morning I start thinking how I am already looking forward to a nap. Not because I am tired. It is just the only thing I really enjoy. A darkened room, a soft blanket and pillow- and that is what I look forward to most. I am not even sure if I am sleeping sometimes. I just like the darkened room and quiet and just savour my mind being calm. The medications might be too strong - but when I told my doctor he said if I still am sleeping that much he wants to increase my medications again. I don't think so. Since the latest increase I already feel like a nostalgic drunk lost in a dreamy land of acceptance and thankfulness as I look at flowers and smell my fresh linen as I make my bed. Things could be a lot worse as I used to cry uncontrollably for at least one or two hours- mostly at work. But now I feel like a semi-slumbered drone. Hard to explain!
Anyone else feel like this?