Update!

Thank you for all your advice and kind words during my nightmare week. I am feeling okay and me and my fiance have decided to give things another go but this is the last time. If the same problems keep coming up they are never going to go away. We have the relationship counsellor on thurs so we can see what she says. I understand that he is struggling with my depression but if he cant accept that my head isn't right i think it is time for him to go. I don't want to ruin my wee boys life but i also dont want to see him watch his mum be unhappy. So new year, one last go! This is it. Found a text on his phone from his mum saying 'the relationship is never gonna work no matter how hard you try son' and 'well at least i cant get the blame for it cos i've been away for 10 days'. Everything inside me is telling me to phone her and ask her politely to not bother coming back and that if she wants our son to come and pick him up. She's an absolute troublemaker and time after time i give her a chance. Not this time. Hope you are all well x

7 Replies

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  • I think it's admirable that you are trying again for your boy. I think with his mum's text she is looking at it from the outside. But I do think that maybe your fiance isn't trying very hard, even though his mum said it won't work no matter how hard he tries. He won't actually know that for sure unless perhaps she sees him as blameless. Obviously, I only know what you've told me and there are two sides to every story but it seems he is not doing enough to help you.

    Sometimes the partner of someone who has depression just isn't strong enough to cope with it and that may be what's happening here. It's unfortunate but from personal experience I know it is hard to have a relationship with someone who has depression. And it was because of this condition that the relationship ended. It was very hard to cope and I worried about him a lot.

    I can empathise with your fiance because I know it's hard. But at the same time he shouldn't be leaving you to do everything, he should be helping out a bit. He works full time but being a mum is also a full-time job and maybe he doesn't realise this.

    A lot of people retreat into the world of games to destress so maybe your fiance feels he isn't coping and retreats into this fantasy world. It's a way of escaping and forgetting your problems. I read to do this but for others it's games. This may also be why he took drugs (I hope I'm not getting that fact mixed up with someone else's post and if I have then I apologise!). It kind of links together if you think about it.

    I hope you are ok. Sometimes when a relationship ends it can cause some relief for both parties, especially if there has been a lot of tension and falling out. I really hope you can make it work though and I think the counselling is a good idea because he will perhaps open up more in that professional environment xx

  • Hi Les

    That's good that you have the relationship Counsellor. It's not easy living

    With someone suffering g from Depression, but a lot of couples seem to have

    This issue on this site and they can get through it.

    I think his Mum interfering is not good, and he obviously discusses things

    With her.

    Les good luck with the counselling and give it a try, but I think you have to

    Put your children first. They deserve a happy home and so do you

    Sometimes separation is the only thing as it does seem to be stuck like this

    For a while. Let us know how things pan out and please take care of

    Yourself Les.

    Warm hugs

    Hannah xx

  • Les,

    It is good that you are going to try one more time. I know your other half was somewhat anti counselling last time.

    To be honest I'm a bit concerned that you seem to have been going through your other halfs phone. Is it a shared phone? If you snoop you will find things you don't like because your other half will have offloaded on his mum and will have cast you as the villain and himself as the victim. Sorry but that is what happens.

    You need to get all this out with the counsellor mediating.

    Try not to blame others interfering . I know it doesn't help but the issues are between you and your other half.

    Good luck for Thursday. I genuinely hope you can find a path forwards where there is some long term happiness and contentment,

    Sarah x

  • Hi Sarah

    Yes I did think that was strange that Les checked her partners phone. I

    Have learned that looking at stuff like emails or someone's stuff,

    It always ends up with the person finding something they don't

    Want to know. So I would avoid that kind of thing for sure.

    Hannah x

  • To quote King Lear, 'O that way madness lies.'

    I had to check who it was who said it though!

    Hope you are enjoying the jumper. X

    Oh I forgot to say I was suitably impressed and gladdened that you had had an article about your Dad published.

    Sarah xx

  • Hello Les

    Glad you are feeling more settled, you seemed to go through the mincer, and it is nice to see you have come through the holes in one piece.

    Why is it that people with similar conditions always seem to have to make far reaching decisions sometimes.

    It must come with the territory ??

    Good luck with the counselor,and the grandma !!

    BOB

  • Aw, thank you so much for the replies guys and gals. Things have been ok lately. Thats my mat allowance finished so having to think about going back to work soon :( needs must tho. I'll miss my wee dude. I'm giving his mum a wide berth as she obviously always takes her son's side. I dont speak to anyone about it except you all. That way you get a good perspective on here, family and friends dont know your business and no one can then have a view or comment on it as they havent been dragged into it. I am really struggling with this depression at times. One minute i am fine and the next i can be absolutely floored. Hate this cloud over me and it really is ruining my life cos if i'm feeling good i can let things go but when i am ill i get irate over specific things. We are two stubborn and strong willed characters but get on soooo well in the same breath. Its crazy! We'll see what the future holds x

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