Yesterday was a really difficult day. Emotions all over the place. Feeling better today but then my period has started so the hormones have changed and I'm not in that 'rabbits in headlights' place that I hate so much I just want to cry.
Its funny - the day before is often a day when I get to the point of feeling that I'm going to cry over nothing ... and any sort of stress just sets me off completely but I never actually manage to twig to the fact that it is the day before until the period actually starts. That might possibly because the cycle seems to be a bit short at the moment ... though that could be indicative that the menopause is on its way ... one can but hope
Yesterday really wasn't helped by an appointment with Financial Adviser about pension - just something that I really don't want to think about and a lot of me is feeling it is a waste of time because I probably won't live that long ... especially as it seems to get further away with each passing year as retirement age gets put back and back. I'm also thinking about looking for another job - not something I mentioned yesterday but probably should have - which could throw everything totally up into the air. Getting a bit stressed now just thinking about it but not as stressed as I was yesterday
Carpel tunnel syndrome was really bad this morning - texting on the mobile was almost impossible because the fingers just would not move properly ... but that will start to clear - probably tomorrow when all the retained water clears through the system ... and that is even taking diuretics so probably would have been a lot worse without them. Most of the time I can manage to keep it under control just by making sure that I don't bend my wrists so I'm not trapping the relevant nerve.
Bit headachy this morning but haven't had a migraine this month (touch wood) ... and not sure I really had one last month - which co-incides with starting to take the diuretics. Month before that was horrendous - lost 3 days to one! which is bad even by my standards. However, that might be more down to the fact that the diuretics have stopped the ankle swelling and getting so sore (recovery from a broken ankle) so I manage to keep up with a daily run ... and have even been supplementing that with a bit of up-hill in the evening on the ramps of a sustrans route onto an old railway embankment ... though the running has been a bit less than it should as its the location of a small blue (butterfly) colony so I get distracted by the sight of one perched on the grass and then it's slowing down to do a count - it's probably about 30-40m long and I managed to count 85 yesterday evening so colony is obviously doing quite well.
No bowls today - there is a match but its away and I'm tending to avoid the away matches because balancing is such a drain on the grey matter at the moment - usually fall over as I'm delivering the bowl but most of the time I catch myself - it's very occasional that I end up crawling around on my knees. Everyone is very understanding and helpful - the worst time was about 2 weeks ago when my back was bad following a bone density scan. [The scan came out normal, as I would have expected.] I'm playing tomorrow but don't know if I'll be able to socialise during the tea or in the bar afterwards - bit anxious about a bout of disassociation - but definitely not as anxious as I was yesterday.
Noticed on the run this morning that it was a lot easier to interact with people and talk to them.
Going to have a quiet day - will go out to see what butterflies (other than the small blues) are around though may not be that many as it is quite blowy ... but other than that it is the crossword, catching up on some TV from the week, and some episodes of farscape.