Last year I was diagnosed with depression I refused the medication as I have always felt that medication makes you dependant on it and worsen. They gave me talking therepy but I felt that the woman was putting words into my mouth and writing things about me so I cancelled them. I quit school because I can't stand seeing people and I would end up losing my temper and doing silly things there. I spend most of my time in my room looking at the wall feeling confused lost and crying, I get some sudden bursts of happiness where I go out and I am really happy but this only happens every few months. The only time other than that that I actually leave the house is just go to work and I avoid conversations by constantly listening to music. I just know I haven't always felt like this as a small child around 8 I used to always feel useless and try and kill myself, strangling myself and clawing my face. Around 15 things got a lot better up until I turned 17 and things fit a lot worse I constantly think of a way out and feel like I'm an alien on this planet. I hate talking to people in person about how I feel and this is the only way I can actually explain how I feel.
What can I do?