Lonely

[Davide21]

I've been living on my own for thirteen yearsI looked after my late mum she was ill for the last few years of life

I was her Live-in caregiver it hit me hard losing her she was my best friend and the only one who understood what iwas going through

I've found it hard to find a relationship as my mental health issues don't help

Various things

ASD

Depressive mood disorders

Anxiety disorders

Pure O OCD intrusive thoughts 🤔

So I feel awful in the morning as I've got kidney desease

I feel little bit better in afternoon

But soon as evening comes

That's when my mood disorders kick in

Loneliness is worse in evening and when you go out to walk or shopping

You see couples hand in hand

Having coffee in shops

Places to eat I never go in because

I'm on myself

It makes it worse seeing people together happy

I do my own thing

Gardening reading documentary programs. History

Weather so I think I'm interesting 🤔

But I think people think I'm weird and boring

I do wish you can reply 🙏 with your thoughts and feelings about

Your fight against mental health issues and loneliness

[smilingjane]

Hello Davide21

So sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you and your mum were lucky to have each other.

Poor physical and mental health is bad enough without the added burden of loneliness.

I am in a position of poor physical health which means I can rarely go out. My depression is secondary to my poor physical health but has been there low lying for most of my life.

We are social animals and without positive human contact. touch, conversation etc, there is going to be an effect esp' on our emotional health.

You say you think people think your boring and weird. I wonder why you think that? I know plenty of people I find a little boring that others find the life and soul of the party.

We are all different. I remember someone telling me that others in her friendship group thought I was wierd! I was shocked.

Yes I had sevear social anxiety and yes I didn't always say what others were saying. I didn't follow social norms and would have been seen as an outlier looking back.

However things got a lot easier for me. I managed to hold down a job and tried to make friends for the first time in my life.

I sort of learned how to do it. Before that most people bored me snd I couldn't be bothered and didn't really know how to.

I chose people that were a little like me. Not conventional, not too judgmental. And now I feel happy that I do my own thing.

It sounds like you are interested in lots of things. It also sounds like you want to meet people but your poor image if yourself is holding you back.

So, what to do? I wonder do you live in a city with lots going on or in a small town without much on the surface happening?

One thing I did a year ago was 'join' a local community charity. I wanted to think that I was doing 1 thing each week to help someone like me.

I became a befriender. All I do is call my befriendee once a week for a chat. I was 'matched' with a peson around my age.

At first I didn't know if we would have much in commom. However, I soon realised that we have. In fact I think most older people that have been through life experiences have a lot in common.

Negative, (and positive) life experiences, bereavement and so much more.

And I don't have to leave the house! I am hoping to recover and take the next stage and befriend in person. Maybe in a year or 2.

And there are the Meetup' groups. Are you aware of those? You can choose a group to meet with that follow your interests.

However you may not feel able to do these things the moment.

I am constantly amazed at what the in ternet brings. Online courses with the WEA. They have interesting history courses online and in person.

I have a couple of friends I never meet, but 'chat' with online but I class them as good friends.

I don't want to wear you or myself out by writing much more. I tend to tire easily.

I want to leave you with a thought to ponder on. All those people you see hand in hand or as couples in the shops or streets. I remember in my relationships and thinking of past friends ... there were many that were not as happy as appeared.

People in abusive/controling relationships, bored after 20 years of sitting across the table saying the same things ...

I hope I haven't bored you with stuff you already know. Hold on to the positive things in your life. Gardening ... do you have a garden?

And sorry to be obvious and I'm sure you already do this, but look for the self help groups out there. And look on the sites such as Mental Health Concern.

There are a lot of people like us out there. It dosn't look like it. Many are sitting at home. Or in the street walking past you but you don't see it.

I wish you lots of luck out there. Tomorrow is always different. It's just not always obvious

Take care, look after yourself and you may not feel like it but treat yourself.

Jane

[Davide21 in reply to smilingjane]

Thanks for your lovely messageIt really helps

I've got a little front garden and a large patio area

On the patio I've got bamboo plants and

Cordalines and Palms

And I put seasonal hanging baskets up in patio

You do sound a very caring lady

You're been through alot just like myself

Like you I've got two lady pen freinds

Started to write to them in COVID

One lady is twelve years older

She is very broadminded

And we do get on in letter's

This helps me lattice bit

Hope you don't mind

I might follow you on here

You give very good advice

Jane take care of yourself

Xx

[smilingjane in reply to Davide21]

Ah thats lovely, I have bamboo too. We are lucky to have gardens. Yes of course you can follow me

[Davide21 in reply to smilingjane]

JaneThanks for letting me follow you

Take care