My anxiety & depression is off at a dinner party at the Benson's so I escaped and found myself here

[RCCOLA]

I posted this in another forum and don't know if it's appropriate to post it here but I thought I would share. Technically I have Major Clinical Depression and Major Anxiety Disorder. It's awful. My bones will literally ache, I feel like I'm freezing to death despite it being an 85 degree day and have a tremendously dark, heavy sense of overwhelming dread. That being said, I'm okay now as I, like many others, am on medications. It's certainly the lesser of two evils. I'm in my 50's unfortunately, but I'm in decent shape. I'm fighting the aging process.

In some ways, I wish I could talk to someone but, I don't have anyone-I'm not really talking about a therapist as I don't want to see someone like that. Been there many times and that doesn't work for me. I don't have enough denial. I can't talk to any regular people for many reasons-they just don't get it. For those with real & heavy depression, you know what I mean. I cry if I start thinking about it too much-it's actually funny that I have to keep from crying if I'm watching TV if there is something sad on. I just leave the room and pretend I have to use the rest room. It's pathetic, albeit quite funny as well.

I'm actually quite boring. If I were someone else I wouldn't want to hang out with me as I would make me uncomfortable because I'm uncomfortable. In another light, I really enjoy helping people. I think I'm very good at it. It's probably a birth defect. Okay, enough of this drivel.