Is there possibly something wrong with me?

[Doyy]

For a really long time I have been over emotional and around two years ago I went into a bad time where I felt horrible. I told myself all these negative things about myself and I thought about killing my self a lot, although I don’t think I’d actually do it since I am very afraid of death. I found a really good friend who helped me and made me feel a lot better so I thought I got better. I was a lot happier but every once in awhile something small would set me off to go into that dark place again. And then all of a sudden I’d be happy again. And this would go on for awhile. It bothers me that I get triggered so easily to go from being the happiest I’ve ever been to the worst I’ve ever been. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive and emotional and I want to know if there could be anything wrong with me. And it hasn’t just been with getting really sad all of a sudden. I have gotten really mad and yelled at people and have had urges to harm others. And urges to harm myself a few times. This sometimes interferes in my daily life, I have to stop whatever I’m doing and leave the room or calm down somehow. I don’t have that many friends and the ones I do have are usually busy so that one good friend is the only one I talk to about all of this and I feel like I annoy him a bunch because this happens to frequently. For three years I wore a hoodie all day because I was ashamed about my body. I am a pretty skinny person weighing only 110lbs. I still look in the mirror and think I’m too chubby even though I know I’m not. I have a low self esteem and usually think negatively about myself saying I’m not good enough for something, etc. Sorry if none of this made sense and that it was all over the place, it was poorly written, or it just doesn’t have enough explanation. But does anyone have any suggestions on if anything is wrong with me or that it’s just my personality and the way I am or something?

[Yeah1234]

Hey Doy. I’m new here, and I just joined. But I read your situation , it is very similar to mine. One minute I’m happy for months , then out of nowhere it’s a sad time for me. I feel like I’m not good enough for the people around me. But somehow I got over it. And for a long time, I thought other people’s thoughts and doings impacted my decision to get better, but it was really me. I wanted the best for myself and I wanted to be who I actually wanted to be, and when I did that, I finally felt accomplished. And recently I lost that about me. I lost that spark that made me determined, and although it’s often hard to find it, I’m going to today, tomorrow, and the day after to keep searching for things that help me grow. Doing something everyday that benefits me and motivates me. Doing those things helps a lot . Even doing the little things you love matters a whole lot