I have gone through a period of Pure OCD of Suicide last year, which has put suicide in the back of my head constantly, it is not that disturbing.
I do have one little issue though, as I keep seeing suicide as an option, as a way out.
People often say, "You're here anyway, just live", or "You can't escape life, might as well live", "Nothing matters, you're stuck here, make it the best life", but I keep thinking that, no, suicide is an escape, it is an option, and we CAN take it.
I wish suicide wasn't in my head as often, and not an option so I can actually live without trying to escape whenever something goes wrong.
NOT DEPRESSED NOR SUICIDAL, I just want your opinion on it, and how to live a life fully without trying to search for the easy way out.
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Fettan
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Hi Fettan - My concern for you is that it is in the back of your mind now and one of these times you have a rough day or several rough days in a row and suddenly it creeps from the back of your mind to the front of your mind. From the tone of your message, I don't hear someone who wishes to commit suicide. So if you have counseling available to you, better to establish a trusting relationship with someone now before it is a crisis. I can tell you I had a similar type of discussion with my counselor today, and I'm in the middle of one of those rough periods, and it is good to have someone help calm me down.
I just know I hear about these people who commit suicide, and you always hear friends and loved ones say they seemed so fine when they saw them the day before. I don't think anyone who doesn't understand depression understands how fast mood can change.
Hi Fettan, all I can say is that suicide is always an option and it is a thought most days but only a fleeting thought most days now. I can quickly dismiss it unless I become depressed or react badly to a situation.
It is a safety net thought for me, people do not like to hear it, it really scares me but my GP is aware, my counsellor is aware.
Hi Fettan, although I smile a lot, usually my soul is sad. I am blessed with my life but I struggle to be happy. When bad feelings or thoughts come to my mind... I say to myself... not today, tomorrow will be better. I repeat this every day.
People often say that happiness is not a destination but a journey. So this journey has good stops, bad stops, ups and downs, but it is just the way it is. Hang in there, different days will come, just keep one step at a time. Hope this helps. Keep in touch,
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Keep in touch, 
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