Still not feeling it

[Ezzy333]

Posted a while ago about how I've been feeling. Long story short - had relationship troubles with my partner. She stared to feel as though id lost interest, never paid her attention any more and stopped being affectionate towards her. She has severe depression, just started back on Sertraline as she began to have develop suicidal ideation again and went back to self harm - she confided in a mutual friend as he has depression too and they ended up kissing. He began telling her he was in love with her, she developed some degree of feelings. Thats sorted, shes back home, we're together and things seem to be on the mend. I still cant control my mind/thoughts/emotions. Im in a constant state of crippling despair, interlaced with pits of serious rage. I feel like I just want to destroy something all the time. I used to struggle alot with anger problems when i was younger, to the point I used to direct it inwards and take it out on myself. Feel like doing that again but its not going to help my relationship or my partners mental health either.

[chloe40 Administrator]

Hi Ezzy333

Yes, I remember you. Your relationship seems to have caused you a great deal of grief and in my opinion, I think your girlfriend is very lucky to have you. You seem to be looking after her and forgetting to look after yourself! So how about putting some thought and care into yourself, you've been through a good deal and time to practise self care.

I suggest, the anger is all due to suppressed frustration, not surprising is it? You could ask for a referral for anger management if you feel this may help you but I would also seriously consider if this relationship is beneficial to you! sometimes we have to make decisions that hurt us initially but save us in the end, so please give it some thought.

Take care and I wish you Seasons greetings and hope you can look forward to a Happy New Year.

Chloe

[Ezzy333 in reply to chloe40]

I dont want to be without her, she convinces me the same. Just doesnt show she wants to be with me either though

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ABOVE & BEYOND

If you really pay attention to the meaning of "Above and Beyond" then it´s up to you to either stay attached or start your detachment and ascend....

You can start practicing your way to liberty on this site: I am doing just the same.

Note that it takes a few years before your mind aligns on the new path since the conditions of life in relation to people and things have become too gross for your mind...now is the time to discard! Bear your sufferings until your mind goes Above and Beyond and suffer no more.........Also be very careful of your thoughts and whom you listen to until your mind finds clarity.

huffingtonpost.com/john-sta...

ALSO: Knowing more about the nature of reality and emptiness:

youtube.com/watch?v=rmru_nI...(Not working as expected?)