When solutions don't meet your expectations?

1&1/2 years ago I made the big move over the pond to down under. Life has been hard and very trying ever since as I try to adjust to this new lifestyle. I've been unemployed in a foreign country with no support on and off for 6 months. Right now, I'm working as a dishy in an Indian restaurant, the lowest of the low as far as I can tell. None of my expectations have been met by my moving here, and despite working some pretty heavy physical jobs to keep my head above the water nothing has materialised into a better life. I'm trying very hard to fight the urge to leave it all behind and fly away home to the UK but don't even have the cash to do it. I'm stuck here, without friends nor family, just me and my depressed mental state. What's worse is that I owe family members money and have no way to pay them back. I regret having ever agreed to leave my home country and can't accept it. Rent and food is expensive and cutting back on cigarettes has made me irritable and snappy. My girlfriend is very supportive and has listened to my grievances but she doesn't know what else to say and I am making life hard for her now as a result of my frustration. I feel as if I'm about to complete lose it and am hanging on by a thread.

3 Replies

  • Hi Snowy, sorry to hear you are having a difficult time abroad. Normally when people want to move abroad they try to secure employment 1st and then move unless your girlfriend has already done that for herself?

    In any negative situation no matter how bad it is there is always something positive to yield from it. Ok, you are in a foreign country with a job that is not helping you financially and sounds physically demanding. The positive to see is that you have a partner to spend time with so enjoy that aspect the best you can. secondly, I understand you don't like your current job but it gives you an income so it's better than nothing.

    the next task is to see what support the country you are in can give you. maybe there is a charity like Citizen advice bureau that can help push you in the right direction, maybe you can do some free courses that you could be entitled to. this is where opportunities will start to open.

    Another way to see things is that I feel we get disappointed when we compare ourselves to others but life is always full of obstacles, most can be mental barriers, everyone gets them, rich or poor, depressed or not, strong or weak and how you overcome them as a pair is what makes you both strong and stronger as individuals. there is an opportunity out there with your name on it you just need to work for it and you will get it.

    you have some key skills that you are good at and you will also have some hidden talent you never knew you had and you need to hone in on those skills and make them shine. for example, you work in a restaurant, what about being a chef? I was no good at cooking at all, all my dishes were rubbish but i self taught and polished my skills again, again and again and now I can cook...well at times sort of ;) ! the point that i am making is we have to adapt to what is out there. here in the UK, degree educated youngsters are working in car factories but that is life and they have adapted to what is available in their surroundings and i'm sure 100% that you can succeed and make something of yourself and not think that moving there was a big mistake.

  • Hey loggerslot, I've been meaning to message you back because what you said was really concise and positive and it really helped me out in the past couple of weeks and so I just want to say thank you :D. I've since found another job as a Landscaper which pays more and is much more rewarding & satisfying, have given up smoking and am generally felling a lot better about my situation. And yes, I do cherish the moments I get to spend with my SO, more so now that I'm out of the house!

    I completely understand what you're saying about negativity. The problem for me has been a lack of direction. Without direction, how do I justify the tough times? I'm unsure about where I want to be in life and I regret not focusing on this a lot sooner. I'm now 26 and feel further away more than ever from knowing what it is I want to do. I have brief flashes & visions of versions of myself succeeding, and by success I mean contentment, but don't understand how to follow it through. I've also been heavily shut off from my own thoughts and feelings from a young age, possibly because of my parents separation and then again when my first relationship came to an end. I used to smoke a lot of cannabis as a teenager to cope and took to drinking when I gave that up. Negativity builds negativity!! I know that this has a lot to do with my self worth and its robbing me of my potential future. I think I may see a counselor about all of this..

    In regards to free courses, with my current immigration status there aren't any courses that become available to me here until I become a permanent resident which will take at least another 2 years. So with that in mind I'll probably end up doing some courses in the UK that are transferable. I've decided to take a break ironically and fly home for the summer to visit friends and family. I think it will give me a fresh perspective I need on why I decided to come out here in the first place and give me time to figure out what I really want and what my next move should be.

    Thanks again for reading.

  • Hi there, glad to help and nice top hear you are making headway. keep it up :) everything happens for a reason, i truly believe this as a belief than something I read from a book. 6 years ago I craved to do the work I am doing now and with the career gap I had I was unsure what would become of me, my career and future, as career prospects looked very bleak. having faith that someone/something out there is listening helped a lot and now I am in my dream career path and i'm not looking back. life is like a box of jigsaw puzzles and given time everything will eventually full in place so don't dwell or worry about the future and enjoy what life has given you.

    Who knows your job as a landscaper may take you places.

    All you need to do is separate the job factor from your life don't let it dictate you, as your life is to live it with your other half and enjoy it. the job factor is only there to aide you in your life going forward so in a way it should have little influence in your life's direction. That way you achieve a "balance" in your life. if your job gives you a promotion or pay rise then that can only be a good thing.

    If seeing a counsellor will help then please do that. be open and honest to them so that they can understand and help you properly.

    all the best :)

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