Wanting to harm and suicidal thoughts :'(

[badcompany]

ever since I started up college again (now in my second year) I've been feeling depressed. I'm at college 5 days a week, then at work all weekend so I never get a day off. I've harmed a few times and I think about suicide at least twice a day. I have no idea what to do, please help me

[teajay]

I have felt that way. Please do something nice for yourself.... Call a help line or counselor, friends... people you love and trust. Please know this will pass... I can't tell you how many times I've thanked God that I didn't hurt myself or die.... work alone, or college alone are huge stressors.... you are doing both... and while depressed... that must be overwhelming. Any chance you could drop a class.... get a shorter hour work day? Hope you feel better SOON. Let me know if there is anything I can do.....

[badcompany in reply to teajay]

Thank you xx

[teajay in reply to badcompany]

You bet.... How are things going today?

[littleoyster]

im sorry to hear how you're feeling and i hope you get better soon x i was pretty mentally ill when i started college and dropped out after my first year because it was too much. I spent a year after out of work and spent a long time building myself up. 8 years on and i have a first class degree, work a full time job and am applying for a masters degree. don't get me wrong, i am struggling but then i never thought id survive this far. my point is: it can be really hard and overwhelming. Dont pressure yourself. Some people just need to take more time to get through the stresses of life. i didnt go back to college until i was 20 and i did an adult course that was only two days a week.. there are ways around these things, i'm sure you will find your own way eventually

[badcompany in reply to littleoyster]

Thank you, I'm happy everything turned out great for you xx

[vastopensky]

hi, how horrid to not get a day off... you must be feeling it. Sorry that things are so tough right now. I agree with the hope and advice being offered to you above, try and do something good for yourself, something special and kind, be gentle with that precious person inside you. And remember there are many creative ways to negotiate a course at college or uni. It may be worth speaking to a tutor or course leader about your struggles and asking if there is the option of 'intercalating' -this means to take some time out of a uni course... I've done this and wish I'd done it sooner, for me they have frozen my fees at the original prices and said I can come back when I'm ready, but I've also discovered that I have access to some student services whilst I take time out, so I can access the careers service which is great for me. See what it would mean if you took some time out, I hope your college is as generous as mine has been. Mean while think about booking a day's holiday from work (don't forget it should be paid holiday if your a british citizen) or even a weekend and plan in some special moments amongst some quality rest time when there are no deadlines to meet or in celebration of meeting some. I have found it is very important for me to celebrate my victories in life... even if others don't get it... I do and it's important to me! so celebrate! my most recent is to have filled out my first job application in three years of looking but not having the courage to actually apply... so tomorrow I celebrate my little victory of having met that application deadline! Do be good to yourself, you are a precious unique human being you have wonderful things to give and share with others and the challenging experience you're having now will enrich you with wisdom to share with others as the pass through trials and tribulations... life is tough and depression is some of the toughest stuff to wade through, just take it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute or moment by moment... what ever your pace, you have fellow travellers... we've done and do the hard stuff too... so hang on in there the darkest moments do pass and lighter ones do come, just be kind to yourself along the way, you are your own expert, listen to your needs and look after them... you are the one best placed to know what these are and how to satisfy them... If your not sure gently and tentatively begin to ask yourself the question, what is good for Me? what brings me calm/ joy/ satisfaction/ hope/peace where did I last find those things? could I find those things there again? or somewhere else again? Even if it means visiting the swings in a playground or buying a balloon and setting it free to soar upwards or buying the sweets you loved as a kid... do something for the sheer pleasure of it, be kind to you in the ways that only you would know how and if you can revel in it! Lots of love to you, I hope the darkness passes soon. K.

Oh... and do remember to reach out for help if it's getting really bad... put up another message here or ring/text/email the samaritans they are really helpful... I've used them a few times and I'm so glad they are there, they really do know how to listen. do be kind and gentle with yourself, it's a tough world, we all struggle. xxx K