depression caused my marriage to fail after 30 years

[nikkib]

since i can remember (im 55) i have always suffered with anxiety & depression i have used so many types of medication and found nothing that worked 4 me. I married in 1984 and over the years had 3 lovely children,however, i could never shake the black cloud that followed me.To my utter shame i started drinking at nightsand found it the only way to shut out my thoughts As night follows day my caring wife grew intolerant and having found a new man on facebook has recently moved out to be happy again. The only positive i can take from this nightmare is that i am now sober and have been 4 three months, however the depression has re doubled itself and although i take citalopram and counselling i find myself in a repetitive state of self blame. any body have any suggestions as to what else i can do

[Gambit62]

Couple of books:

Ruby Wax - Sane new World

Mark Williams and Danny Penman - Mindfulness, a practical guide to Finding Peace in a Frantic World

If you are going to AA make sure that you continue going and talking to your sponsor

Most important - be kind to yourself. Things happen. Relationships breakdown - it doesn't just happen to people who have anxiety and depression. It took me a long time to get over my marriage falling apart - still a lot of anger there - at the institution of marriage as much as people involved. In the end I came to the conclusion that actually it was a miracle that the marriage had gone on as long as it had and I ought to feel that I'd done well to keep it going as long as it did. Your marriage gave you three children. Try to focus on what was achieved - and what you have contributed to. It's quite natural to have negative thoughts but they are just thoughts and you don't have to listen to them or get caught up in them ... though getting the trick of not letting your thoughts run your life isn't an easy thing - books above suggest some ways.

Are you still in contact with your children? If so stay in contact with them.

[nikkib in reply to Gambit62]

sorry 4 the delay the computer i used said that it had failed to update page, hence my late reply. Thank u for your reply and i will look up these books. i found a useful book called f**k it therapy byJohn Parkin, A lot of the material i found useful and i find myself re reading sections relevant to my situation.At the moment it all feels so raw, and i do not like the fact that jt was all done on facebook right under my nose

Still as every one tells me things can only get better and i still have close contact with my kids. Thank u once again 4 your reply.