what is wrong with me? am i in the right place?

[suzie_27]

Hi im new on this community! im struggling to understand whats going on in my mind.... a few years back i suffered from depression (not so sever that i would harm myself but it really affected my daily life) i was on anti-depressants for around 1 1/2 - 2 years. i managed to pick myself up, get myself a stable long term relationship, get myself into university and with alot off support got of the med's woo! id still get the odd down in the dumps/stressed patch but who doesnt? however over the past 3 months or so ive got myself into this bizzare downwards spiral. its not like last time..... hard to explain but basicaly im finding it hard to cope when im alone. what i mean by alone is like in the house on my own. whenever im home alone i get very down almost anxious to be there. im not scared to be in the house on my own i live in a quiet neighbourhood and have a great guard dog! lol. but i just cannot be there when my partner isnt. he works anything between 11-17 hour days and as soon as about 10mins after he goes to work im itching to get out of the house, my emotions start going all over the place worrying about life, finances, everything! i start ringing everyone i know to get out, if no ones available ill just go walk for hours to the shops just to have human interaction. i dont know if im slipping back into my depression or if im developing some other disorder. i love to be around people im not shy or overly quiet, i have to be around people 24-7 or it really affects me.

sorry for this long post, its starting to really affect me, my partner thinks i should get professional help but my doctors are useless and i just simply cannot afford private care, i dont know whats wrong or what to do!

anyone got any ideas or advice?? thanks

[Gambit62]

Sorry you are feeling this way and also sorry that the GP isn't being much help.

Have you thought about meditation or something with a meditative element such as yoga?

Do you know what it is that makes you anxious about being on your own - is it the silence and being alone with your own thoughts in the house?

Are you a bit of a chatterbox? Just ask because my experience is that chatterboxes are often more fearful than the quiet ones who are labelled shy.

Are you still studying or are you looking for a job - even something part-time might help.

Sorry I haven't got a magic wand.

[suzie_27 in reply to Gambit62]

yes im very much a chatterbox, i love to be around people. i do have a part time job(2 half days a week) and when im at work i feel ok, except for the odd times where i have a little 'emotional moment' to my boss when things are getting on top of me. i finished my studies in march and have basically been at home most of the time ever since but these feelings are getting progressively worse and harder to deal with. when i finished my studies i went from being out the house 7 days a week to only being out 2 days a week so id rest and go out on the occasional day to catch up with people. now i cannot be in the house on my own. i dont really know what makes me anxious, i dont think its the quiet because i feel the same even when ive got the t.v or radio on. however my negative thoughts do race and get on top of me, when i go out i focus on the people around me and my thoughts sort of go to the side..... if that makes sense.

[Hidden]

Hi

It sounds as if you are suffering from anxiety. I wonder whether the fear about what will happen to you is actually a fear that the depression will come back to get you and this time even worse? Once anxiety kicks off it gets worse the more you do things to try to prevent it - e.g. buying a guard reminds you of your fear that you need one. I would ask be referred by your GP for CBT as it can treat anxiety quite successfully, you might look on anxietyuk website and the blog community on this healthunlocked one.

You talk about needing to be around someone which sounds as if your anxiety/depression both arise because you bring with you separation anxiety, ie anxiety about not being with a protective other person. I wonder whether that stems from times in your childhood when you were anxious, perhaps quite early in life? Often anxiety does go back to early times but is only triggered when we are reminded in some way of the early experience. It may help to think and write about anxious times during your childhood, as paradoxically thinking more about anxiety is more likely to reduce the anxious feelings than thinking less about it!

Suexx

[EBee]

It seems like you are perhaps in an anxious state. Advice wise, I think its important that you find things to focus on - it sounds like your head is running away with you (that's the way I feel about anxiety). Perhaps moving from study to a working life has meant your brain is under stimulated. I personally find the working world under stimulating (although social interaction is important) and do prefer to study and learn. A challenge can take your mind off the quietness and lack of company - so maybe find a hobby/course you will enjoy that is a challenge to you. I don't like being alone either so I can understand.