Feelin lucky 🤞

[Prognosticator68]

It's been a while since I've posted. Things have been stable in so much as I haven't gone up in at least 3 weeks. I'm learning how to process weight loss in terms of overall trends.

My PT is very much a proponent of this thought process. I'm used to evaluating my weight loss in terms of week to week, often judging myself on the numbers.

I think its starting to sink in that because of my obesity, this journey will likely take a couple years. I have to continue to find a way to process this fact and accept that right now, this is my life.

To that end though, of late I have been thinking of my social life- specifically the last partnership I was in and whether I'm actually open to finding romance again.

Its .. how do I put it, worth considering? My last partner accepted me completely, unequivocally and wholly in the context of my weight loss journey. We broke up over other reasons but since then I closed myself off.

Theres a saying, perfectly personified by Dean Lewis in his song, Half a Man. "How am I spose love you, when I dont love who I am, how can I give you all of me when I'm only half a man".

Sometimes that's how you feel. Incomplete. Unworthy of some one else's love, much less your own.

Having that support network is so vital but it does require vulnerability. I'm not good at being vulnerable, not at all. You need to let someone get close, to share in your thoughts, desires and dreams.

To do that, you need to share your life and all aspects. I find that incredibly difficult, but to successfully integrate and be part of society that's precisely what you need to do.

So where does that leave me?

It's like taking those first steps when you're trying to walk again; theres fear of the unknown and anxiety but theres hope. Hope for what those steps might mean. Do, we can choose to stay exactly where we are, struggle on alone or take those steps and see if the steps take you to a better place.

It's funny how when you boil it down it comes down to a binary choice, risk nothing and stay exactly where you are, or take a step and risk it all.

Who feels lucky?

[Curlywurly80 Visitor]

Loved reading your post and most rungs true for me too. Thank you

[Prognosticator68 2024 August in reply to Curlywurly80]

Yw. Good luck to us both!