I’ve always felt that there are far worse things in life than being overweight. Murder, rape, pedophilia, bullying, hate, violence, the world is full of crime and pain and depravity and suffering. How can being fat be so bad by comparison?
The truth is, I would give everything and anything to be thin... except so it seems, stoping eating and binging. Why can’t I help buying on impulse and eating huge portions? Stuffing myself until I’m full of regret, shame, utter revulsion. Sometimes I throw up afterwards because even if only a few mouthfuls come up, vomiting some is better then none, right?
I long for death, an escape from the constant cycle of eat, depression, eat, depression, spiralling out of control. Death is the ultimate end but even these thoughts are filled with guilt and shame, that I should wish for death when others wish for life, so I bargain to the universe, give me the incurable disease, the awful cancer, in place of someone more worthy of life because they deserve to live. Other people are much better at living, every move and decision I have ever made has been mistake after mistake.
Why can’t I make the commitment to myself and my body to make the change I so desperately need and want? It didn’t go on in a day, why do I expect it to come off in a day? I’ve always wanted the easy way out, I am inherently lazy.
Wishing on stars, waving magic wands, take an incredible, fat busting, no hunger, cure all pill!! Eat all the bread, cheese, crisps, chocolate, pizza, anything that takes your fancy and watch the weight drop off in seconds!!
It doesn’t exist, waiting for a cure-all solution won’t make me happy, won’t make me thin, won’t make me feel worthy.
It doesn’t start tomorrow, or when I get on the boat, it starts right here, right now.
I will make the commitment to myself, for myself.
Written by
McGingerSlimmer
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Stories like yours make me really, really angry, because there are thousands (millions?) of people like you who have been convinced that:
a) They're fat because they eat too much and
b) They eat too much because they're bad, horrible, weak-willed people.
They've been told these things by people who really ought to know better, but since they don't know better, I wish they'd go find a different career. There would then be far fewer people like you caught in this hellish cycle of despair.
Here's the deal: you are fat because you eat the wrong things, and you eat the wrong things because you're fat. To be clear: you metabolism is malfunctioning, and the nature of the malfunction drives you to seek out foods that make you fatter. This is all completely unconscious, driven by hormones and reptilian bits of your brain. Your conscious self recognises something is wrong and tries to rationalize it, and the only rational explanation it can find is that you're a bad person. This is the wrong explanation!
Stop eating the wrong things and a huge weight will be lifted from your shoulders (literally). The cycle will be broken. A modest amount of willpower is required to stick to this for a few weeks, but after that it becomes easier and easier, because you'll be eating inherently healthy meals that your body will recognise as healthy. It will start asking for the right things, in the right amounts, and very little conscious effort on your part will be needed.
If you want the details I wrote them down in a short document for the benefit of new members in the LCHF group. The group is here:
And the document can be downloaded here, if you want something specific to commit to (rather than just being committed to the nebulous idea of "losing weight") :
It's only 20-odd pages, and it's very, very straightforward. However, you do need to let go of the idea of "losing weight". This is all about getting healthy. It's a journey. It takes time. But you will, coincidentally, lose weight.
If you still have reservations, we ran a trial on this document just recently. We had (I think) two people who dropped out, one person who didn't really lose any weight (although they didn't gain any either), and about a dozen for whom it was very successful. So the odds are good.
What advice would you give your best friend if they told you that they are really struggling with alcohol and “would give everything and anything to be sober... except so it seems, stoping drinking?” - followed by everything else you’ve shared but framed in terms of a much more widely recognised addiction?
I’m so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I felt pretty much the same until one year ago when I discovered bright line eating. It’s a food addiction programme and it’s completely changed my life.
Overcoming Food addiction is about healing the brain. BLE was started by a Neuro scientist who has been an addict for most of her life.
When I first found it, it was on the back of a full on 5 day binge. I cried when I watch her video as I felt she was talking exactly about me!
I decided to try the 14 day challenge and haven’t looked back. I’ve lost a total of 130lb, the last 50 of that with BLE and now I’m on maintenance in my right sized body.
I thought this would be the hardest thing to do but it’s been the easiest. I’ve not eaten sugar or flour or snacked between meals for 1 year on Friday. Some would say “that’s too hard” to which I reply “choose your hard”. For me “hard” is living with constant despair and self loathing. Hard is being unable to stop bingeing despite knowing that it’s probably killing you. Hard is knowing that being obese was impacting every area of my life.
My eating programme is NOT hard. I’m never hungry, eat fabulous food and since the first week have not missed sugar and flour. I post all my food on Instagram if you want to see what I eat (brightlineeating.journey!
It might not be your thing but if you haven’t already, please watch this video:
Thank you bikegrrrl, I have already replied to Sabby else where and am awaiting an answer from her. I am not sure if she is visiting or joining as she has already lost 9 stone
Your post is a great first step. Have you spoken to anyone about these feelings? You don't need to be alone. You've had some guidance already about healthy eating plans but I don't want to ignore your comments about depression and longing for death. I would strongly advise that you reach out to someone, a family member, maybe your GP. I'm sure there's help available to make things feel a lot less bleak and overwhelming. This could also help you to readdress your relationship with food, to recognise and challenge those thoughts and feelings going on behind the eating. Good luck and remember that you don't need to take on this struggle alone. 🙂
P.S - I can relate a lot to your comments about binge eating and feeling out of control, for me it's been about addressing that rather than trying any particular diet plans. I'd be happy to speak to you about this if at all helpful. 🙂
Good morning! Yes it can be hard, losing weight, but it is worth it to be healthy. Probably one of the reasons you feel crap is because you are eating crappily.
I commend TheAwfulToad ’s helpful contribution, Toad is well known and trusted on this forum.
You do sound really down, and I get where you are coming from, but you are so much more than your weight. Will you please change your username? Choose something positive about yourself. Do you have bright eyes? Do you like singing, or jewellery, or a colour, do you have a favourite animal or a favourite film character? That kind of thing.
Best of luck, and do make full use of the forum, the support is phenomenal.
You have had some really lovely replies and support here this morning. I don't really have much to add but would join in with those that are asking you to change your name. We are a really friendly and non judgemental group of folk here and will find it extremely hard to use your user name. It would feel like bullying to me. Bikegrrrl has given you lots of ideas to find a new name. To change it go to your profile page by clicking on your avatar, select settings and then user name. You are only able to change your name twice. Make sure it's something positive
I also agree that it would be helpful to talk to somebody about your depression. A Doctor could refer you to a counsellor, very often now a days these appointments can be by telephone consultation. You might find it really helpful to talk to somebody about the way you feel.
I also recommend that you take a look at TheAwfulToads plan. It is so very simple and very filling and will help you to get past the cravings in a very short space of time. The food is really satisfying and tasty. There are many of us here that have followed it and are still following it.
I hope that you will come back and read all of these messages and feel that you are receiving a bucket full of support and that they will encourage you to join in and become one of our forum friends. Why not jump in with both feet and take yourself along to the Weigh In today which is being hosted by JiminyCricket , she has been here 4 years today and is one of our long standing hosts and will give you a very warm welcome.
Wishing you all the best and really hoping that we will see you around the forum
Brilliant McGingerSlimmer !! Now that's a great way to begin!💪
Please keep this site close, follow all the links you've been given and join in! If you get stuck, just shout. There's always someone here.
I'm totally moved by what you have said and really feel that you are giving yourself too much of a hard time. I'm sure you will have heard this before and you will hear it again and again... "take one day at a time and stop beating yourself up" . I'm not sure I can add to anything that has already been said. Try not to rush and give your self lots of space and time to take it in. XX
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Introduction and question 
When your weight controls your entire outlook
How I gave myself a food addiction through dieting
This Time I'm Doing It.
