I hate to be full of negativity so much lately! But this week is just so so bad!
First my kids were off school ill Monday and Tuesday. Then I got it and broke my diet/calories Wednesday looking to comfort eat. Thursday I felt so dreadful I took the day off work and allowed myself to again demolish my self control and comfort eat even more! Friday (today) I was feeling ill but not as bad and was just going to 'get through the day' so I can rest up again on the weekend.
Well... This morning our pet bird was just suddenly floppy and obviously dying. Completely out the blue! He is very very special to us! Out of like 30 eggs I tried to hatch in July and august he was the only survivor. He was a Californian quail. He lived indoors and was cheeky and funny. When we got a puppy he decided he wanted to be like a puppy too and started chasing after balls and toys too! Every evening he would snuggle on my daughters lap or go sleep under her hair. So not just any old pet.
I decided to not go into work and get him to a vet asap. But three vets I phoned said quails are classed as an exotic bird and they wouldn't see him! Finally I got a number of a vet who would see him but the earliest would be 10.30am.
By 9am he died!
So I went to work. No point losing money. I cried on the way to work but pulled it together enough to work and I was glad to be busy.
Then at work ... I work in a care home.. My favourite old Lady has been ill too this week. She is an amazing woman! Really smart and full of great wisdom and advice. She is the one who first told me and encouraged me to do the 5:2 diet and really she was the one who started me on my weight loss journey! On Wednesday the nurses were taking her blood pressure and as I was waiting with her I felt like one would if waiting with their mum! They wanted to send her to hospital but she refused. She had visitors coming from across the country and refused to let them down! She is as wonderfully stubborn as she is wise lol.
Anyways today the doctor was called and I was told that he said it is unlikely she will make it over this weekend and that I should say my goodbyes to her whilst I can as I don't work weekend.
So that's two horrible things today! Plus I feel really ill again myself (high temp). I have stuck to my calories today (actually a little under to make up for wed/Thur). I was - am - very tempted to break it and have a takeaway! But I'm not really hungry and so far I have resisted. Which I'm quite proud of. My weight is already up this week (although still healthy bmi). But this niggly voice keeps nagging me, saying to not care and do it anyways....
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CrimsonMama
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Awh, you have been having a tough time. I know its a wretched cliché but when we care about people, animals, life there is always the risk of pain when disappointment, hurt, loss occurs. In a way it's proof we actually do care if we react when those we care about are in difficulty.. And whilst their pain/hurt is not enviable, for them to have friends or carers around is comfort.
Your family, your family pets, your friends know they have someone (you) who really cares about them. Thats a gift to them.
That niggly voice of yours saying don't care is leading you astray and you know that as you are resisting(well done!) You are a carer and you do care about your weight and health or you would not be on the journey that you are. If you think it might help, do some baking to make a gift for someone else (there is always someone, especially at work who could enjoy a biscuit or two). Or treat yourself to a pampering bath with a candle on the side. Or you and your girls do face packs. It might sound crazy at first but finding things to do that involve gentle pampering and/or sharing I think are more likely to make you feel better. All the best
What a horrible week you have had . I’m sending you lots of 🤗 . You need to look after yourself & get better first before you worry about gaining weight.
You have done so well & know that you can come back from a little gain.
Oh goodness CM, that's a horrible week. I'm so sorry to see your news, what an emotional time. You've done so well to keep going through it all, especially today. It's ok to let yourself fall off the wagon a bit, you know you'll get back on it again soon - that way of living is not You any more - and you'll probably not enjoy that way of eating like you used to. Get yourself something good for breakfast tomorrow, but rest up and have plenty of fluids for now. You need to get better.
Sorry about your sorrow and that you don't feel well.
Be kind to yourself, you had a lot of stress, don't add more by worrying about weight loss now. That will adjust itself when the time is there. You can only do that much. If you don't beat yourself up, you may find the way back to be on track more easily. [Hug]
Dear CrimsonMama... I am so so sorry to hear about your week. I wish I could send you hugs and wrap you in a warm blanket with a cup of tea (and your children too so you can take care of yourself knowing they are cared for.). Thanks for sharing and we are here for you. ❤️
What am awful time you're having, but at least you did the right thing and came on here for support.
Bad things always seem to come in waves and make us feel like we're drowning.
You are entitled to grieve for your pet as they are family.
It shows what a lovely lady you are that you care so much about your old lady that you are close to and you are entitled to be upset for her. Allow yourself time to recover from this but try not to sabotage yourself, as if she started you on this journey, she must be so proud of you and will be cheering you on.
Be kind to yourself, take a nice long bath, listen to your favourite songs,, focus on all the good things this year and know that you can come through this.
It does sound as though you are having a bit of a time of it at the moment CrimsonMama but you have done sooooo, so well on your weight loss journey. I am not surprised you are feeling a bit fragile and in need of some comfort (food). However, you clearly have managed to break that cycle of emotional eating to have enjoyed that weight loss.
You haven't failed. You've simply slipped a little at a time when you are being tested by not feeling well and lots of emotional turmoil.
Clearly from the job you do and that you've written here, you are a very caring person.
Thank you everyone from the words of support! I was good. I wrote this post, felt better for it and went to bed instead of sabotaging myself further with unnecessary comfort eating!
Its still a bit of a challenge but I'm hoping to get over this illness and grief and carry on!
I have to remember no matter what I am feeling, undoing my weight and fitness is only going to make me feel worse not better!
Sorry to hear about your bird hope your kids are getting better regarding your diet forget about your bad days just think how much weight you've lost onwards and upwards. Paul
Oh CrimsonMama you've certainly had a terrible week. I'm so sorry it seems like all this sadness and illness is being heaped on you. Small comfort in that your old lady will get to say goodbye to the relatives travelling to see her and she'll be so happy knowing that she helped you on your way to a happier, healthier life. Don't beat yourself up over a few less than perfect food days. Look how far you've come. Your little quail sounded adorable and it's heartbreaking that he's gone. Wishing that the tide of sadness turns for you. x
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Not such a good week
Week 2. 
This time with a friend :)
